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Help! We have a 10 1/2 year old son who was placed with us at 8 1/2. He is doing great overall, although he is pretty high-maintenance -- needs a lot of attention, seeks attention through all kinds of behaviors, high energy, impulsive, etc. Most of the pressure is on my husband because our son definitely lacked a strong father figure before coming to us.
Our son does wonderfully with younger children especially girls around 3 or 4. He is calm, gentle, helpful, it's really interesting to watch - when he is around kids his own age, especially other boys, he is much rougher and competitive. Now our agency has contacted us about a 4 year old girl who needs an adoptive placement. She has a manageable medical condition, but very few (if any) behavioral needs at this point.
I'm inclined to submit our home study and see what happens. My husband - not so much... Since he bears the brunt of keeping our son occupied while I do more of the behind-the-scenes stuff, he is concerned that he will end up having to entertain both of them all the time. I'm trying to convince him otherwise, but wondered if anyone here has adopted children through separate placements, i.e., not a sibling group, and if you'd have input on the timing and other considerations.
Thanks in advance!
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1st: Your son sounds just like our 8 y/o in every way. Is there a possibility of drug or alcohol abuse prenatally? If it's possible there is FASD involved, then your parenting approach would be a bit different with him. But that's a different post.
2nd: If your husband is not 100% on board, do not move forward on the little girl. It would be a mistake that you and your dh would regret.
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I agree with pp. Siblings entertain each other, and do take a lot of the pressure off parents to entertain (of course, you have another child to care for AND you now have the wonderful job of referee for fights :-).
My 2 kids are not bio sibs-- they came to us as separate placements, with separate cases (adopted from foster care). DD arrived when she was 4 months old, and DS arrived 8 months later when he was 3 months old. They are 8 1/2 months apart. Totally unexpected adoptions-- they were supposed to be short term placements, but we adopted them within 4 months of each other.
However, they were infants, so it's not really the same. Neither one remembers life without the other. They act very much like twins.
If we had adopted an older child, I would think that, after 2 years home, we might begin to start to talk about adding another. Especially if he's doing well, which it sounds like he is. However, my spouse would have to be fully on board.
As far as your husband having to entertain your son all the time-- I think it's hard being an only child. A sibling, even a much younger one, is someone else to share time with. Watch a movie with, play on the swings, talk to, etc. But he also might have to say "go do XYZ by yourself" to your son to get him used to entertaining himself. Eventually, it will get to the point that your son knows how to entertain himself. Or, you will have another child in the house :-)
Some kids do not do well with other children maybe you husband is worried about that as well. I think you both have to want to adopt again or it will not work out.
I am about to take in a kid where one of his placements didn't really want an older kid but they took him to try it out. As you can guess it did not work out well for him.
Kids know when someone is not sure about them being there. That being said only you and your husband know your family. I wish you the best of luck and figuring out what that is