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I will be the 6th foster home since 2007 for my new foster son. He is 16. I want this to work. I want him to stop moving.... I pray I do not give up on him too.... An advice on what others have done with kids who have had a lot of placements....
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As a former CPS worker acknowledging that there is a history, grief and loss as well as probably abandonment going on will help. No matter how many times they say they don't care acknowledging that it is probably easier to feel that way cuz then they won't be hurt again. As much as teens say they don't care they almost always do. Maybe asking then to tell their story, find out their thoughts as to the moves. If they say something that is different info then you received just acknowledge their interpretation don't try and discount it - even if it is a bunch of hooey because you were willing to listen it will show trust and they may come back later and admit to the truth. Or it maybe easier for their interpretation to explain why they had to move so much. No kid wants to believe they are a bad kid. Wishing it all works out for you all!
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My son has had many, many placements and, no matter what they say, there is a part of them which believes it is their fault. It takes a lot of time, repetitions and trust building before they can believe it ... even a little. And the belief "there is something wrong with me" is crippling. Find something he does well and nurture it. Celebrate it. Call people (even automated messages) and brag about it within his earshot. Not him. It. Sometimes that is easier for them to hear.
Congratulations on your son. Welcome to the journey!
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L. my youngest, took the blame for the placements of him and his siblings. This was due to his lookining like bm while living with family of bf. It took awhile for him to realize he was not bad and that the moves weren't his fault I agree with the praise and working with him to let go of negative connotations about himself.
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My STBAD has moved ten time within the last two years and she believes also that she was too bad and that is why she was moved. I do everything I can to let her know that she is not a bad kid. I also reassure her that she is not going to ever move again. She has been here nine months and still is worried when she does something wrong that we will make her leave. We give her hugs and tell her we love her all the time. I have pictures of her all over the house and she loves to see them.
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