Can I be honest here? Carrying a child for 9 month and then giving him away does not put you on the same playing field with someone who loved, cherished, encouraged and supported that child for 20 years. You signed away your rights as a mother literally and by staying away so long you gave up any rights to be called “mom.” This child was not on loan. This is not your child.
You clearly don't understand that in some countries, mothers aren't allowed a say in keeping their babies. You don't get that poverty, dangerous abusers in the home... all sorts of things can cause a birth mother to "give up" their child. You say that like it is an easy choice some women just... make without regard. You clearly know nothing about developental psychology, neurobiology, attachment theory, or just... the primal and powerful bond between biological mother and baby. You're right, the author of this post is not in the same playing field as birth mom. She will never be. She can either choose to appreciate the field she is playing in, and enjoy her son when he is there with her... while supporting him unconditionally from afar as he reconnects with pieces of his identity he never asked to loose in the first place... or she can continue to sit in her narcissism and selfishness at the expense of her relationship with her son and her own happiness. Choice is hers.