Advertisements
I'm hoping somebody else out there understands this--not that I'd wish it on anybody else...
So my son adopted from foster care, home at age 9 and now nearly 14, went through a dozen foster homes and endured a LOT of mess. He confessed some of the abuse years ago to me, but then refused to confess to the counselors. Months ago we started counseling back due to some serious issues, and again he did not want to discuss anything of substance. We had to get super serious with him, and finally got him to open a little. A very exciting moment, when he began verbalizing so many things I'd been trying to get through to him, saying he gets it now. But nearly every day since, which is one week, he has gotten agitated over something so small, then fussed nonstop for hours. HOURS. Where he literally cannot shut up for 5 seconds, or he might explode. Wednesday evening he went to bed mad he'd gotten in minor trouble with a sibling, and laid there fussing to no one for four hours straight, maybe longer. The therapist thinks this is a passing phase, that for so long he felt he couldn't talk about problems, now he can't shut up, over time, he'll find a middle spot. In the meantime, it's driving us all crazy. He talks nonstop. "I used to be shy. Now I'm not. I don't have to be shy. I'm with my family. My family loves me. I'm smart. It's ok to be smart. I talk about my feelings. It's good to talk about feelings. I just need to be myself. We all just need to be ourselves. We need to stop worrying about appearances." Fifty million times over. I homeschool, so it's really ALL DAY. He's even written these things as an answer to a science question rather than the real answer. I'm wondering, is he really mentally disturbed, and just wasn't voicing his thoughts all these years?? Or is he being overwhelmed right now with feelings and thoughts now that he's dealing with issues in counseling that are overwhelming and making him seem crazy... He's also acting more hyper and scatterbrained.
Like
Share
Advertisements
I think it sounds reasonably normal, given he's recovering memories, and testing out a whole new personality. People talking about trauma can get into a thing they call "pressurized speech" (sound familiar?) where they start and can't stop talking. I've heard people do it for 45 minutes at least. I doubt it will continue forever.Couple ideas: suspend some of the regular schoolwork, assign him to write these things down. A) Repeat repeat what he's saying out loud, fine, if that's what he needs to do, do it. B) The whole story. Computer or by hand, whatever he wants. It will go into a type of book. Writing can help organize thoughts, get them going in a straight line instead of around in circles. Second: set a timer for 3 or 5 minutes, or use an hour glass timer: no talking till this is over. I've been around a fair number children who motor-mouth, day in, day out. It's amazing what 3 little minutes of silence can do to reset your sanity. No matter how deep the process, I think this is reasonable. I could be wrong. If so, tell him he needs to go talk for that long in a room with the door shut, where you literally can't hear it. "I love you honey, but need you to go talk somewhere else for x minutes." It's reasonable for you to say that, with love.I've known several people who've recovered memories as adults. It's extremely overwhelming. One week in they were not over it. Best of success to you in dealing with this.
After a really intense therapy session where our girl gets a bunch of stuff out in the open she will be agitated and argumentative more than usual. She will talk about it A LOT during the week.
It is as though we are allowing them to open up the dam to the flood gate which has been blocked for so long and there is so much inside that needs to be said.
I remind our girl that there is a time and a place to talk and school is not one of them even home school in my opinion. We gave her extra attention each night during these times just to vent.
I don't think it sounds completely out of the ordinary with what you said and the length of time in care and silence he probably has a LOT of built up thoughts.
Thanks for your replies, it does help me to feel better. It's kind of freakish to watch this happening with him.... he has become an unbelievable super sensitive, even more forgetful and scatterbrained than ever motor mouth. Lashing out at me a lot right now too. Getting mad at his brother alot, who is being amazingly patient. Never one to use much logic, now he seems to have zero common sense or ability to follow the simplest of instructions. Tomorrow we see the psychiatrist for the first time. I can't wait.
Well the psychiatrist said though his behavior seems all trauma-related, the biggest problem seems to be his decreased ability to focus and just all over the place with his thoughts, so she increased his ADHD medicine. He has been taking Focalin XR 20mg for a couple of years, she increased it to 25mg for the next month then wants us to try 30mg for the month after, and see what happens. She also told me to run Zoloft, Paxil, and Prozac past his Transplant doc to see if any of those would be ok considering his medical condition. She doesn't want to prescribe any of those until we give the increased dose of ADHD med a chance, and also a little more time for counseling to work things out. I guess I'm ok with that, but his behavior has been so challenging, and TIRESOME. The loud, all over the place arguing when we tell him to do something, or stop doing something, that just don't make any sense and go on and on, drives all of us nuts! I have to admit though, today HAS been better. A little while ago, he even told me he was feeling a lot of guilt last night over how he has been treating everyone lately. I asked him what did he do about that guilt.... he said he prayed and talked to God about it. He said that had really helped! I am really happy about that, it's a huge step. There's hope.
Advertisements