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I am having a really hard time tonight, Last night my foster son got upset with me when I said something about him dropping out of his school. He went for a walk than came back with a rock and said he was going to threw it at my car if I did not call to police to take him back to the shelter. After he was do doing stuff to my car I told him to come in and we would deal with it in the morning with his workers. He has started breaking stuff in the house. I called to police and he is now gone. I am single women and he is bigger than me. I feel really bad about saying I will not take him back. But just do not think that I can. I am new to foster care and I am trying to keep it together. I feel like yet another person who has failed him.
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I read this in the morning and hoped someone with better advice would reply! But I'll put in my 2 cents.
It definitely sounds like he is testing you big time. Been there, done that.
If I remember right, he's been in 5 or 6 placements in a few years. He may feel certain that he will be kicked out eventually, and instead of waiting for that to happen, he is trying to control it. For us, the tests started out small and escalated until eventually he realized that he wasn't going anywhere. Very hard, even with 2 of us, I can't imagine how hard it is to be parenting through this alone. I feel for you and give you MAJOR kudos for this:
I think this was the right thing to say, 100%! This statement is validating his feelings without indicating that you WANT him to leave.
Sorry I don't have advice, only sympathy. I hope others will chime in and I look forward to hearing an update.
My thoughts are with both of you.
mynewhomeiowa
I told him to come in and we would deal with it in the morning with his workers.
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I caught up on the cross-posts and saw that you got some good advice. It sounds like this was just not the right placement for you or for him, and I hope that he is able to get the help he needs. Kudos for trying to keep in touch. If you can, stick with it. Send cards or letters if he won't talk to you. Even if he seems unresponsive, I have to believe that it means a lot to him to have someone who wants to see him succeed.