Adoption Celebration?

We adopted our nephew a few years ago, 2 months before his mother passed away from cancer. The anniversary date of him coming to live with us is fraught with emotion for me, as his mother was my husbands sister. The circumstances were so sad. I never want to do anything on that day but quietly reflect. My nephew on the other hand does want recognition of that date to celebrate the fact that he has survived. He is 17 years old now. I think that there are a lot of mixed emotions that come with this. IҒm wondering how old your nieces are. I personally would want to be sure what their feelings were about it before I planned anything.

Wow, that is a hard one. Do you or the rest of the family still have contact with the bio-parents? That seems like a very delicate situation already if you do. That might make for a very ackward "party". If this was my situation, I would opt for a celebration within my immediate family only, mom, dad and kids. This is a special time for your family but I can't see your brother and SIL wanting to celebrate YOUR family when it means their family is no more. I do not envy you. I will pray for you and your family.

I asked our CW about it. She said she's probably invite her because it is another chance to see the kids.Bio Mom (my sil) said she would like to come. Bio Dad (My brother) is in prison again. While I can't put myself in Bio Mom's shoes, it seems as if she has dealt with "losing her kids" a long time ago and that the adoption means that she can be a part of their lives without DCYF and SWs.K invited her to a school event and Bio Mom told me, "thank you for letting me come." So far she has been respectful. She seems supportive of the adoption (although it would have happened with out her consent.)The kids were the ones who asked if Bio Mom could be invited, so they are okay with it.

I would say that is the kids are wanting biomom there and she already knows about it and would like to attend then i would go for it! Congrats on your adoption :)

Maybe Im old fashioned but I just canҒt separate the situation from the loss myself. Personally, I would be inclined to forgo a large party and keep it small. And I would keep the mother out of this one. Id plan a large party for something else and invite her to that, but not to an adoption celebration. ItҒs too fraught with emotion. Even if you think she has dealt with "losing her kids" I cant imagine wanting to come face-to-face with the reality of it. I think it would be too painful for not only her, but maybe even for the kids on some level-even if they say it's okay with them.

We are in this boat. When we finalize, I was a huge party..burgers, games, the works BUT we have a complicated relationship with BM and many people in our family actually have a problem with our choice to adopt our DS.That being said, we are going to still have a celebration but it will be with just a small crowd. My in law's, and a few friends that have been with us on our journey.With all of that being said, I saw that you said BM was respectful/grateful to be involved. If you feel that it is ok, I would extend an invitation to her so that she knows she is welcome but has the option to not come.I am one that is always scared of events with BM because I feel that by my inviting her, she views it as me rubbing it in her face or something but that is in our situation.Good luck with your decision and early congrats on finalizing!

For our family the adoption was bittersweet. I adopted my son's children who were 7 and 10 at the time. My son and his ex-girlfriend signed their rights away rather than work on the parenting plan the caseworker had given them. Myself and the children went out and had a nice dinner and got our pictures made as a way to celebrate our change from grandma/grandkids to mom/kids and made the decision to have a small personal celebration each year. We invited no one else. At our one-year anniversary this year we celebrated again and had another picture made. Since the adoption I have told my son and the boys' mother that there will be no visits until they are drug-free. They had been getting weekly visits but I made the decision that it was not in the best interest of the boys to see their parents once a week when they came to every visit high or acted inappropriately. I have since allowed them to attend one "family dinner" with the birth mom's family where my son was present, but that was at the request of the boys, not them. It is a tough call because the boys were mistreated so much and the oldest was blamed for the entire situation by the maternal grandfather, but despite everything they still love their "other" family. All that being said, I would keep it small with just your immediate family (mom, dad, kids) since it is an emotional thing for the adopted kids.