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Hey, everyone -- I'm new here. I've lurked before, as my husband and I have thought about adopting, but not for a few more years. However, circumstances in our life may be moving our plans forward.My sister-in-law has a schizophrenia. She was living with my parents-in-law and on medication when she got pregnant. As soon as she found out she was pregnant, she went off her medication, and she has been off it until now -- her daughter is now 15 months old. However, stress and such caused her to relapse and she was admitted to the hospital less than a week ago.Basically, there's been no official decision yet, and as far as I'm aware, social services has not intervened, though my sister-in-law did have a social worker because she was on WIC and various other programs. However, my husband and I believe that it's inevitable that she will be deemed incapable of caring for her daughter. Said niece is currently with my parents-in-law, but it is not possible for them to care for her long-term.My husband and I have done a lot of prayer, talking, and thinking, and have decided that we will take in our niece and do whatever is necessary, whether that be guardianship, fostering, or adoption. The problem is that we don't know what we need to be doing.As I said, as of right now there's been no "official" word on the situation, and my in-laws are okay taking care of her for a short while. The real problem is that we are in Wisconsin, while everyone else in the situation is in West Virginia. We have no idea what we need to do.We would go and get her right now, but my sister-in-law is not in a mental state where she could give a yes or no for us to be taking care of our niece. We also don't know what will be decided about her parenting ability. The father is unknown/uninvolved, so there should be no issue from side of things.So, what I'm asking is -- what do we need to be doing? Should we continue waiting for official word, or should we be planning on going to get her already? Does anyone have any advice at all to offer us?And if any of this is unclear, I'm more than willing to try to elaborate. Thanks for your time, everyone.
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HI there... I wanted to help as it seems you are going thru something very similar to what I am going through. My step sister is an unfit mother, just had child #3 and doesnt have custody of the first 2. Anyways, my husband & I now have child #3!! We are now first time parents, I will be 43, and my husband is 56!
First thing you need to do is hire an attorney. We then had to get CPS background checks, FBI background checks and we had to hire a social worker to do a home study on us. Granted this all seems like alot, but if I can help one person go through this process smoother than we did, I will be happy!
We had less than 3 months to get ready for this, and we spent 3 weeks in Illinois waiting to be approved by the Interstate Compact of PLacement of children (ICPC) to approve us to bring her back to Texas. She had to spend 9 days in the hospital until we had to hire the birth mother an attorney to make sure we werent forcing the birth mother to give up this child and to make sure she wasnt taken into the states custody.
Long story short, we have her here, and are in the home stretch! My advice is to get your background checks done ASAP, which you can usually do thru an agency or your local DMV. The FBI can take up to 12 weeks to approve..
Hope this helps! God bless you, and stay strong..
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I'm a little unclear about why you think it is inevitable that your sister-in-law will lose custody of her child? Is it only because of her mental health issues? If she is able to parent safely when she is on medication, it is likely that once she is again stable on medication, she will be able to parent again. Even if the state does take custody your niece, it would likely be a long road before she would be available for adoption. The first plan for a child in foster care is reunification with biological parents. She would be kept local to her mother - whether with her grandparents or in a foster home - to help facilitate that reunification. Attempts would also be made to locate/ identify the bio father in order to get him involved. You might start with trying to see what you can do to help your sister-in-law get stabilized so that she can care for her daughter, or to support your in-laws while they are caring for her. I think that you would be acting prematurely to have a homestudy done or start any other steps for adoption, because even if your niece social services does step in, it would be a significant amount of time before her mom's rights were terminated. Since homestudies have an expiration date, you wouldn't want to have that done too soon.
Thank you both for your advice; I appreciate it! :)
The reason I feel it's inevitable is because of my in-laws' opinion on drugs. They do not believe they are 'healthy,' and once my sister-in-law feels 'better,' she'll be off them again. My father-in-law is the same way (though bi-polar) and while my mother-in-law realizes medication is sometimes necessary, she would not encourage anyone to stay on drugs, even if they are needed. My husband has said as much: his sister simply will not stay on her medications. Of course we want to see her doing well, and we will support her in her treatment as best we can from so far away, but it is very likely that she will relapse as long as she stays close to her family because she will be unwilling to take drugs.
Social services was already contemplating removing the child before this event, so things may already be in motion. However, we don't know anything at the moment, so it's possible nothing has started.
Thanks for the responses, and if anyone else has more input, I'd greatly appreciate it!
My Daughter was at one point my niece. I am soooo happy to say that we have officially adopted her 4 years ago.
We had volentary custody of her on and off her whole life. The last time my sister got in trouble (Drugs)- we was unconcious and the state placed the child in a foster home.
THis was HELL! We did everything possible but once the kid is in a foster home it is soooo difficult. The mom no longer has the right to place custody with someone else. We had to become foster parents. It took 4 months but we got custody.
After the parents rights were terminated we were able to adopt. THis whole thing was extremely tough on all of us but I would do it over and over and over again for MY DAUGHTER!
What I would do first is have the bio mom sign over Temporary custody. This is very easy but I would have childrens serves do it for you. THey DO NOT Want to take the child, they would rather the child stay with Family so you should ask for their help.
Explain to the Bio mom that this is just temporary. Then, try to get her help. That would be best for the child.
During all of this, petition the court for gardianship.
Then the bio mom could fight, or reliquish custody.
That could take a while. None of this is easy but to have the child in a caring, safe loving home during any amount of time is really what is best for the child.
The bio parents need to have the rights terminated before you can try to adopt.
In our case- She was placed in foster Sept 2005
We got foster custody Jan 2006
Term Of Rights March 2007
Adoption May 2008
It wasnt easy but worth every single minute.
Hope this helps
I had advice from the social worker that worked for us-
IN HUGE LEtters writteen in MARKER
Write on the top of the FBI Envelope
"Please RUSH..... Child Custody Case"
we Fed Exed ours on a Thursday, FBI Recvd on Friday
We Got Our Clearences The Following WEDNESDAY!
LESS THAN ONE WEEK!
Hope This Helps.
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Thank you so much! I really, really appreciate it.
I'm hoping we can do what RusticBliss suggested -- get her to sign over temporary custody. This last week she attempted to commit suicide because, while she was on her medications, she was not able to take care of her daughter, so my in-laws were still doing so. She was also talked into stopping her medication by a poor influence, and that, along with the attempted suicide have landed her back in the hospital.
My husband called her today, and the first thing she said was, "If something happens to me, or I can't take care of [daughter], I want you two to do it."
So I'm pretty sure she'd be willing to go that route. She realizes she's not capable of it right now.
The hard thing right now will actually be getting there as well as the sister-in-law who has been my niece's primary caretaker for this time. Even before all the bad stuff started happening, this sister-in-law spent a good chunk of time with my niece, so niece is pretty attached to her. However, said sister-in-law is only 18 and in college, so in no position to adopt. While she wants niece to be well taken care of, she doesn't want her to have to move so far away.
So right now we're taking this one step at a time, but seriously, thank you all for your responses. They mean a lot.
I suggest you let the SW who could possibly take custody of your niece know that you are open for placement. Then if it does happen they could possibly place with you (depending upon the circumstances). We adopted our niece but had to have an ICPC completed in order to move her here from Idaho to Florida. It took awhile to get that done...so I would definitely let them know you are available for placement if that ever is an issue. They may not wish to move her across state lines if RU is possible because of visits. In our case it was determined to be aggravated circumstances and adoption was the only option...never was there RU on the table for our situation.
Hey, all!
Almost two years later, I am back with more questions on this topic. :)
Things are pretty much the same. My SIL is schizo-affective, and her little girl, now three, is regularly telling her to "stop talking to the voices." SIL contacted us earlier this week asking if we would take our niece, because even on the "good" days she feels like she's not doing a good job providing for her.
I know to do this we would need to get a home study, as well as talk to lawyers in both states, but what else do we need to know?
I'm also really nervous about getting too forward with this. Last time, when I made the initial post, my SIL actually initially agreed to have us take our niece, but my other SIL who lives at home while in school and provides a lot of care for our niece got visibly upset, which caused SIL/mom to change her mind.
In addition, the father of my niece is unknown on the birth certificate--how much of an issue would that be in doing an adoption? Would the courts attempt to track him down?
Also, would we be able to take her home with us before completing adoption? Does anyone know if there's a temporary guardianship form in West Virginia? I though I had found something along those lines when I was looking into this two years ago, but cannot find it now.
In short, my in-laws are all collectively caring for my niece. It's not the best situation, and the mother of the child believes my husband and I with our stable relationship would be a better place. However, it's very possible she could change her mind. I don't know how to proceed and would love advice. Thank you all for your time and patience.
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I would put as much as possibly can in writing,.
As well as I would hire 3 Attorneys , for all involved Parties
All Parties defined as you, your Sister In Law and your Niece is also of age to have her voice heard in this matter
You are also going to need Interstate Adoption.
Also are there other Parties ie the Dad's Family. Who have any interest in your Niece??
Juli
Veneration
My SIL is schizo-affective, and her little girl, now three, is regularly telling her to "stop talking to the voices." SIL contacted us earlier this week asking if we would take our niece, because even on the "good" days she feels like she's not doing a good job providing for her.
NDN
*snip*
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