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Our 7 year old FS has threatened to kill himself twice now. Both times was when teachers were correcting his behavior. He told one teacher he was going to kill himself. He told the other she was the reason he was going to kill himself that night. What would you do? I am sending an email to the cw and therapist. Other than that I feel lost.
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I'd take him to the ER right now. If something were to happen, you don't want people asking you why you didn't act. If a doctor says, "don't worry" then you have that documentation.7 yr olds are impulsive & he really doesn't know what dead really means- but he's smart enough to figure out how to kill himself. I took care of a 4 yr old who started a fire that injured his grandmother. He told the firefighters he started the fire on purpose to kill his grandfather. You never know what they're capable of
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Whew!! Learned behavior!! The sw may want him in therapy...and you need to know how to respond appropriately! Odds are he saw one of his parents using that sort of manipulation... I would say for now...you wait on the case worker...I know what I would say as a parent...but as a foster parent...not so much! Wish I could offer real help! Hang in there...but, do insist on help and parenting resources!and I agree with pp...you can take him to the ER! Also, do they have a hotline you can call? We have a support hotline we can call 24/7 for stuff like this!
Someone -- and likely you -- should ask him the equivalent of "Do you have a plan?" At his age, I'd say something like, "How were you going to do that?" I would talk to him about it, so it's not a secret. At least he won't be thinking he's triangulating school vs you.It's a big deal. Never think it's not a big deal, not only to OP, but to others reading. No matter the age. They think that some of the children as young as 3 and 4 who do things like drown by walking into a lake are purposefully committing suicide. Of course some are NOT, some just aimlessly wander in, we had that happen with toddlers in my family who were yanked back out. They were just curious.Some of these children have had things happen to them that would give any grownup full-blown PTSD and panic attacks. They've been tortured. Don't know if true for your FS. When that's the case, however, the *tiniest* negative thing said to the child can feel to the child like it's piling on top of all the other hurt... and it's just the last, final straw.Sorry you're having to deal with this, best to you in finding competent help for him.
Completely agree with Alys! Yes, my 16 year old pregnant teen said this. I called the ER number for my agency. At this point, they advised me to go to the ER. After being at the ER all night, they transfered her to a pediatric psyche facility to get her stabilized. They were able to do that without medication. My FD actually warmed up to me more after that. I told her "You may hate me right now, but even if you don't care about your life right now, I do. And I will do everything I can to take care of you, even if you hate me for it. I will love you, even if you can't love yourself" We still had our rocky times, but I think she finally understood I was going to be there for her. I was able to hold her leg in the delivery room when she gave birth to her daughter, just a few weeks after she turned 17. I am stilll a big part of her life, even after she is aged out now. Does not matter the age......it needs to be taken seriously. 7 year old can have BIG emotions, but are not able to process it or think through it. Especially if he has had a rough history. Good luck and keep us updated! Praying for the little guy.
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My 10 year old FS has said that when he was mad, especially a lot after first moving in. He would threaten to jump out of the car to kill himself. My FS was going through a lot, yes, but I knew he wasn't depressed or suicidal. We'd talk about what could happen if he tried (non-lethal injuries, like those that require using a wheelchair for life), and I reassured him that I was going to take care of him and killing himself wasn't necessary. I told his counselor what he said and she agreed it was just talk. I didn't lock everything up or take any real precautions. For a 7 year old saying that after getting in trouble at school, I tend to think he's very afraid of being punished. You never know what happened before when teachers told his family he misbehaved at school. Try to get his teacher to be supportive, asking, "Wow, you must be really afraid. Do you want to tell me about it?" If he says no, redirect him to what he needs to do that got him corrected in the first place. I wouldn't take him to the ER unless he legitimately seems at least a little depressed\suicidal (and not just mad\scared). That's just going to reinforce the fear that if he gets in trouble at school, bad things happen.
I would take him to er for a few reasons. 1 if he is severely depressed they can address that. 2. If he is just angry or saying it for attention waiting at the er will make him never want to go in again. Especially if he knows you will take it seriously every time. This is based on my respite seven yo old sons owns words..being at the hospital was awful and took six hours. J3. Boys do not try as often as girls but are much more likely to succeed. Makes me sad. A very handsome boy who sat behind me in pe in junior high killed himself. I didn't know him just crushed on him thing how awesome his life and he must be. Inside he was so sad. Keep a sharp eye. Does he pick, hit or hurt himself? Mine does.
I agree with pp to take him to the ER. He should be evaluated and maybe he needs medicine. It seems young, but I would not chance it because it's his life. I had a friend once who was talking about suicide when we were in high school, so I called the crisis line, and they said to call 911.
This is not an attempt to tell anyone how they should handle a 7y/o, it is only to share feelings that were present when I was 7.It was a different era. The victorian attitude of children being seen but not heard was the order of the day.I had been through an adoption, loss of a first stepmom at age 3, abandonment by my a-father, and when I was 5, a new mom who was my a-dads second wife.My a-dad was gone most of the time and his 2nd wife believed in violence to change any acting out. There was abuse of all kinds that never ended.As I looked at the mountains of abuse and how often it came, I began to wonder if there wasn't a better way. Maybe I could end it; walk out in front of a bus or train.Those thoughts were never very far and came almost everyday. An ongoing question I could never answer began, "if I died tomorrow, would it matter and who would care?"I knew I was different "from" my peers and schoolmates, but I didn't understand how. I knew there were gaps in my head I couldn't fix.When I acted out i had no idea it was related to grief and loss. The punishment for acting out was severe. I tried to be perfect but it didn't happen, and the abuse was long term.In the end i escaped into the swamp for a few hours whenever I could. It was peaceful and quiet -- there was no fear and as I lay by a creek hoping I could die in those peaceful surroundings, slowly there was new strength. I returned to the swamp many times. Each time there was a stronger feeling of strength and the courage to go on. I knew I was "no good" not "clean" and for those reasons there would be abuse. At times there was only grief, loss and despair but I found a way to accept what i knew was to come. I would not die.At age 7, I was suspect and tainted, an "outsider" at best, and life would not be easy but I could manage. I wanted a better life.As I grew older the thoughts of ending everything became less and there were less escapes into the swamp. I had become resigned to hoping for the best.I wish you the best.
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My 8 year old said she wanted to kill herself aftr getting in trouble and repeated this to her psychiatrist at an appointment for ADHD meds. She had a plan and they took it seriously enough to admit her to a mental health hospital for kids for 10 days.I'm glad they did. I didn't want to be the one explaining why I didn't take her seriously. any attention thing or not she needed to know 1)we cared 2)she was wanted alive and well 3)that the statement of suicide is a serious thing you don't just say. The professionals handled it and it made everyone in the case pay more attention to her high level of need.We were given a number to call for assessment for future instances. I would ask for that. At least it's a professional who can determine if he's in need of immediate care or not. Often they will even come to your home.
Thanks for the insight everyone. I talked to him last night and he said he only said that because he was upset. I told him that I was really worried about him and explained how serious the threat was. He was already in bed by the time I read all of your posts. I sent him to school today where he is going to talk to the school counselor. Due to past behaviors everyone on the team feels like he is using manipulation to get out of being in trouble. When I emailed his teacher last night I found out that he has been acting really silly at school...talking during times he shouldn't be, all over the place, etc. This morning I spent time with him, talked about those behaviors, and told him I wanted to give him a chance to fix them. He told me that his mom's boyfriend did not like him...only his brother. I told him I like him and I was sad that this guy could not tell how great he is. The kiddo just has so much on his mind right now. On top of changes with his case, we started him on some allergy meds at the same time all of the behaviors started. The caseworker says I can't even take him off the allergy medications without taking him to the doctor. Off to the dr we go...
I think you handled things okay. I have had some very young kids act suicidal. one 6 year old we had as respite would have jumped out of FM's car on the highway had I not put the child locks on. He got in the car and out again as I was talking to FM, I walked him back to the car, flipped the switch and shut the door. On the highway he said "I am going to kill myself and you are going to watch me die", unbuckled the seatbelt, unlocked the door and pulled the handle. I can only imagine what would have happened had I not put the child locks on.I had another 7 year old who said he was going to kill himself. He had just been at therapy, so I called our agency, then his therapist and together we decided I would lock up all sharp objects, keep him line of site while awake, and I would sleep on the couch. He was one who would do things for attention and if we took him to the ER and gave him attention, he would do it more. He didn't have a plan.
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Nightaura
I think you handled things okay. I have had some very young kids act suicidal. one 6 year old we had as respite would have jumped out of FM's car on the highway had I not put the child locks on. He got in the car and out again as I was talking to FM, I walked him back to the car, flipped the switch and shut the door. On the highway he said "I am going to kill myself and you are going to watch me die", unbuckled the seatbelt, unlocked the door and pulled the handle. I can only imagine what would have happened had I not put the child locks on. I had another 7 year old who said he was going to kill himself. He had just been at therapy, so I called our agency, then his therapist and together we decided I would lock up all sharp objects, keep him line of site while awake, and I would sleep on the couch. He was one who would do things for attention and if we took him to the ER and gave him attention, he would do it more. He didn't have a plan.
