Refusing to brush teeth - orthodontics

My daughter would wait until we were AT the orthodontist's office for her appointment and then she would brush her teeth there in their bathroom. Do you think you could try taking her to an appointment and perhaps the receptionist could tell her to go brush her teeth and maybe she would obey at that point?Somehow my daughter made it through that age and braces without getting cavities, she still sometimes reminds me how she didn't brush her teeth and it turned out okay. She brushes regularly now because she is older and chooses to do so.

The health of her teeth is more important than their straightness. And the health of her heart is more important than the health of her teeth and that is affected by her relationship with you. Whatever you do, don't let the issue hurt the more important issues. Don't fight a battle you can't win. Don't let the issue be a bigger problem for you than it is for her. It is her teeth and her problem. I'd let the braces come off and hope she'll start brushing again.

She thinks there aren't any consequences in life and we would like there to be more natural consequences. We told her that she would have to go back to the dentist to see if her teeth are better before she can go back to the orthdontist for adjustment. The orthodontist won't see her until her teeth are healthy again. We told her she has until her next appointment to turn it around. Otherwise she will have to keep the braces on longer. And miss all the yummy halloween candy and treats. Food is a motivator.

as someone who had braces and barely brushed while they were on.... ;) Its an intimidating, royal pain in the butt! There's all these extra nooks and crannies. :p Sure candy and gum were banned.. I just sneaked them. She may end up doing what i did.. left them on, didn't take care of my teeth, waited until I moved out, then pulled them off myself with pliers. The remaining glue stuck around for a good decade. :sick: Ultimately this all comes down to control issues (NOT laziness). She's being told what she needs in her mouth, what she's allowed to eat.. She has zero control of her life - down to who she lives with From a the "picking your battles" perspective, this is one I'd think long and hard about. It seems this might be causing her to hide things, fight you? maybe impacting her ability to bond, share with you?

as someone who had braces and barely brushed while they were on.... ;) Its an intimidating, royal pain in the butt! There's all these extra nooks and crannies. :p Sure candy and gum were banned.. I just sneaked them. She may end up doing what i did.. left them on, didn't take care of my teeth, waited until I moved out, then pulled them off myself with pliers. The remaining glue stuck around for a good decade. :sick: Ultimately this all comes down to control issues (NOT laziness). She's being told what she needs in her mouth, what she's allowed to eat.. She has zero control of her life - down to who she lives with From a the "picking your battles" perspective, this is one I'd think long and hard about.

Does she really need the braces? I'd be tempted to have the orthodontist just take them off. Natural consequence will be crooked teeth.

Maybe listerine,will help.

My DD had braces put on at 9yrs, they came off around 12 and put back on at right before she turned 14. She is now 16yrs and it is STILL battle to get her to brush her teeth. I would make her let me brush her teeth several times a week til she was 12yrs, because she was doing such a bad job and the orthodontist was complaining. At her last teeth cleaning appointment the hygienist was disgusted by how dirty her teeth were. We have spent THOUSANDS of dollar on her teeth and it makes me so mad she doesn't take better care of them. She should be getting them taken off the end of summer and then the battle of wearing the retainer begins. Don't even get me started on her not wearing her rubber bands.

I understand that typical parenting means that you need to find a natural consequence to get her to change her behavior. But, with adopted older kids, a lot of the time that just simply doesn't work. In this case, she just doesn't care about what not brushing will cause, and she's not attached enough to you to simply do it because you said so. In my opinion, if you continue to try to find a way to punish her into compliance, it will never work and you'll only hurt your relationship with her. What I would suggest is that she is not capable of taking care of this issue, therefore you have to help her with it. I mean really help, not just nag and give her a hard time. Convince her that you really care about her brushing her teeth by using one of the only things you can really give her: your time. So, at bedtime, EVERY NIGHT and EVERY MORNING, go in the bathroom and sit with her while she brushes her teeth. Again, don't nag and tell her she's doing it wrong, help support her in doing it at all. The first night will be critical - make it clear that you're making a commitment to help her and that you'll be there every night. Does this sound like a nightmare to you? How could you possibly have enough time to sit with her every time she brushes her teeth? It's easy - if she was 2 and was just getting teeth, you'd brush them every night and every morning for her. She'd learn it was important by whether or not you did it every night. This girl, your daughter, never had anyone brush her teeth when she was 2. When she was 5, maybe she didn't even own a toothbrush. So in her mind, how can it be that important, and it takes so much TIME. The answer is - give her your time. Show her it is important. She's no more capable of brushing her teeth than a 2 - year old is. Stop fighting against something she learned differently and teach her by example and repetition, like any child. Say this, "Sweetie, we've been struggling with this for a while, and I know it's hard for you to remember to brush your teeth. And, when you do it, you're going to fast and not getting them really clean. I want to help you so I'm just going to sit with you while you work on them, or if you want, I'll brush my teeth at the same time with you. For a while, you don't have to remember, we will work on this together." I'm assuming what this problem looks like, and if she is openly defiant and refusing to brush her teeth when you kindly go with her and wait, then you have an entirely different problem. If you're standing in the hall at the time, screaming at her, that's also a different problem. Good luck, the bummer of this is that you're changing a fundamental habit in her behavior. Give up on her in a few weeks, and she'll just quit too. Give her a few months, and you might at least get her braces going again. Do this every night for two years, and you'll make a permanent change in her life. That's only about 720 times, right? To everyone thinking of adopting an older child - this is what I mean when I say you have to commit fully. It takes years to undo each bit of damage done to a child, and these kids are covered in damage. It's worth the effort though, and it works.

Thank you for all your suggestions. One thing I know is that in our state, it is near impossible to get the state to cover orthodontics, they won't approve it for aesthetic reasons, there has to be a severe need there. The other thing is I know how much she wants to get her crunchy snacks back and we made a deal with her that we would put together a basket with all the snacks she's been missing out on when she gets her braces off. Third, she has RAD and this is just another control battle for her. She enjoys the negative attention she gets from the bad breath. Fourth, we gave her a choice, she can either pay the money the insurance won't cover to go back to the dentist to have them clean her teeth or she could start brushing on her own. Lastly, we explained to her that she needs to start showing some maturity by taking care of her responsibilities if she wants to earn more privileges and responsibilities.