Aunt Mommy??

At this point maybe just wait until you know about TPR. But if TPR is granted, I think then you could just casually start referring to each other as mom and dad (dad will be home at 6, go ask mom, etc) and that way he might start to feel welcome to call you mom and dad.

I think it matters a lot on whether you have other kids in the house calling you mom and dad, and how close you are to the rest of your kin who may also get upset bout you being called mom and dad. That said, we spent a great amount of time with my aunt and uncle when I was growing up living with my gparents. We spent most summers with them. We were in fact closer to them and saw them more often than our bio parents back then. We called them Mom and Uncle, although, somewhere over the years, one kids started calling Uncle "Bo" and it just stuck, so he was always just called Bo, even sometimes by his own kids, they were older, it was a joke. My sister called my aunt Mom until my Aunt's dying day. My bio mother and bio father were never offended because they knew and respected the close role that they had in our life. Of course, my aunt would get aggravated wehn we'd pile togehter in the car and she had 8 kids calling her Mom. 3 of us each had a twin cousin too. ;-)

Hello my husband and I are kinship foster to my neice since she was 3 weeks old, she is now almost 17 months old and are in the process of adopting her. She refers to me as Nina and mom, and my husband by his first name. But I know there is going to be that day the same question is going to come up. My sister would also have a fit if I allowed her to call me mom. In fact when my sister has her supervised visits and hears her call me mom my sister will correct her. I honestly don't know what to do :(

I feel that if other kids are calling you mom and dad, then I say if thats what he wants to do, then he should when he is ready. Thats a normal and healthy thing to want........ :)

I am a kinship parent going through the adoption process. This is actually the second kinship placement we have taken care of. Our first Kinship FD refered to me as Auntie K. It morphed into Mama K and when he was RU'd we made sure to correct her that I was Auntie K. The social workers told me to allow her to call me Mama K if she needed to while she was here. I never refered to MYSELF that way however. I have a bit different situation in that my neice has done an identified surrender for us to adopt. I made it abundantly clear that if I was going to do this she would have to recognize I wasn't their babysitter, I was their Mom. They call me Mom or Mommy and my neice is refered to as Mama. My advice is that if TPR is granted and you are to adopt, to make it clear that you are now "Mom", no matter what you are called. I don't know how old your nephew is, but if he's a young child, I would insist that he call you "mom". It is a different matter if he's an older child, but he should know it's ok if he wishes to do so. Relative adoption is tough, especially this way. There are many of us on this board. Feel free to float any ideas and questions by us.

I just reread your original post. If your nephew is only four years old, he needs a mommy. If you are to adopt, please don't take that from him because his bmom might have a problem with it. Start refering to yourself as Mommy and Daddy after TPR. This is only the first awkward situation to come up in the kinship adoption process. Draw boundaries and always, always do whats best for your son. "Claiming" him is the first step. :)

Your case sounds just like ours! We are aunt and uncle biologically as well. My nephew (3) will sometimes call us mom and dad being silly, but sometimes I think he would actually like to call us that. I just say you're silly who am I...He then says I am silly your auntie. My niece, calls me aunt... as well, but jokes around at times that I am 'pretend mom'. We aren't to the point of TPR yet so I don't know that I am 100% comfortable with being called that yet, I would love to say okay, but I believe my sister would be enraged as well, plus I don't want to confuse the kids. If they came out and asked us I would probably say it was okay though... so if I was you and where you are at in the case and my nephew asked me I'd probably say if you would like to you can and see where it goes... Good luck!! :-)

Thanks everyone for the responses ... I should've mentioned that he's the only child in the house, my husband and I do not have any children of our own. He's 4. Once (if) TPR happens we do intend to encourage him to call us Mommy and Daddy, but until then just wasn't sure if we should discourage it even if he wanted to. Thanks again!

Hi. I can relate to your question and your situation. I adopted my three nieces one year ago yesterday. I have had them in my care(custody, kinship, foster...you name it) for their whole lives. Though I am an aunt biologically to my sister's daughters, the kids were in my home 80% of the time since birth. I was never in an aunt role...more mom than anything. When the girls were young they started calling me Sissy....never used "aunt" in my name. That is what my sister referred to me as so it stuck with the kids. But it didn't take long for the girls to start calling me mom. The older one stuck with Sissy, but the middle child needed that Mom identity and so she called me mom on her own and I did not discourage her from doing so because all the therapists the girls were seeing said it would be more deterimental to discourage it than to allow it. To this day the middle child calls me Mom. The older girl(15) calls me Sissy but refers to me as her mother when talking to others. And the baby that I brought home from the hospital calls me mommy and knows no one else as mother. This is a sibling set of nieces. My sister is not allowed to see the girls due to her issues of drugs, abuse, anger etc. But she is enraged that I am the mom now and that the girls call me mom. I lost a sister in my last 15 years of kinship/relative care, which I really do miss and wish things were different. However I gained three beautiful and precious children. I am single and have no children of my own either. I wish you the best. Kinship care is so difficult. Let the child call you what they feel most comfortable calling you. They need that sense of security and belonging to a family. And if it isn't going to be with the biological family....than he needs to have that MOM connection with you. Kristin