Motion to Intervene (experience?)

Thank you SO MUCH for sharing your experience with me. That's exactly what they are doing/did to us. Denied us visits & even phone contact with fp so there would be no bond/relationship. Now they are playing the guilt card..this is move could be potentially damaging to him...are you sure you want to deal with bio mom for the next 16 years? ughhh makes me sick. No we don't want to deal with her, but she is family and the baby is WORTH the trouble. We have a pretty good attorney now & we aren't falling for the "if you agree to let the fp adopt him they will allow contact" line. I know how that goes! I am so happy that your daughter is doing so well! Good for her! :) Glad you stuck it out!!

Sounds so much like our case was! They kept saying how worried they were with us giving our daughter back to biomom. WTH was my response! Why would I take her and give her back to someone whom abused her? That is crazy. We live across the country so we are safer then the FP's who lived in same state. I had no empathy for biomom. Anyone whom would allow a monster (biodad) to abuse our daughter like he did I would never ever let her near. They did not know us well. My hubby grew up with a biomom that was a drug addict (like his half sister-our daughters biomom) and to get away from it all he joined the Navy at age of 17 which was his life safer. He never once did drugs and has a great job now after serving in the Navy. I hate it when CPS labels family just like the bioparents. Like we are all the same or something! In fact biomom was allowed phone visits with our daughter until about 2 yrs ago when she proceeded to tell our daughter how she was arrested because her then boyfriend drank and she hit him! OMG...I told her no more contact. She had many previous chances also. She never once would talk to our daughter like a parent. She would always drag her into her situations which caused our daughter to get upset. It was very confusing to her. There is no contact. Biomom blames me for everything she ever did and says her daughter will be messed up cause of me. HA HA...right? I am taking over for you and you say I messed her up. Even though I don't like biomom at all I never ever say bad things about her. Our daughter and I talk about "choices." It is a good learning thing for our daughter. Never make the choices your biomom did. Biomom loves her but can't keep her safe so we are here to do that. She understands it all. I have a file 3 ins thick I will give her when she's 18. Then she can make the determination if she wants contact. Until then it's not healthy and it will not happen. I get message on facebook from her and they blame me so I had to block her. Even though biomom is related to my husband does not give her the right to say those things to us. And even though biomom/biodad hurt our daughter that doesn't mean we would allow it to continue. Not over my dead body! (I think that's why my husband has me handle biomom cause he's related and he gives in alot!)

Because we never know where an infant in the system will end up, this, in my opinion, is the critical role for FPs of infants. Oh, ditto that. Make sure you talk to every possible person involved in the case (excluding attorneys).

It is so insulting when they ask if we will allow the child to be around biomom. No way. We were telling CPS to keep her away from the baby from day 1, and he was allowed to be hurt by her again, while in their custody. That will never happen with us, ever! I'm glad you are able to stand your ground & protect your daughter. It seems pretty typical for the bp to blame the adoptive parent/guardian for their problems. Fun times! ha

I find that so profoundly frustrating! You were there...you wanted placement...there was no excuse for making it this hard for you and for him. Wow...I was under the impression that they were ready to file, or had filed TPR...and that was why they were willing to consider Guardianship, at this point...it makes no sense to me that they gave you this much trouble all along, and, now, the judge will consider guardianship ...even though, (presumably, since TPR has not been filed) there are still visits? So strange... You make some very valid points...as I said, I was under the impression that TPR was imminent(in which case, the FP's would go straight to the adoption process when it was granted...) obviously...that fact changes the entire landscape...there is little security in that, unless the courts were willing to say that the goal was now adoption by the FP's. What an incredible mess CPS has made of this case!!:mad: Poor little man... I'm not offended at all...I am very glad that you are not offended either...as personal attack was never my intent. I am just so sorry for *all* parties involved in your case...what a nightmare. I am also shocked to hear of the relatives that have been pushed aside...here, it is very, very, very clear that if a relative is interested and can pass the home study and background check, that is that...there is no discussion...they win. I cannot imagine what a CW's motivation would be for pushing family members away...but, then, as I said, I am incredibly idealistic...can't help it...I am sickened by the current management of cases just like this one...and I know it's incredibly black and white of me...but, I think that if a person messes up enough to have their child removed(and the courts hold up that decision by declaring dependency) the child should go straight to the nearest relative who is willing to love them...and if none are willing...*then* with a pre adoptive home...of course, with the understanding that RU is the goal until it is no longer the goal. IN an ideal world, we would avoid this kind of situation entirely from the beginning. And, there would be more consideration for the wellbeing of the child...and more concern for the childs future, over the "rights" of the parents...or, at least something like "in a situation like this, you have 6 months to meet *these specific goals*...if you have not completed that much of the case plan, the child will be moved to your relatives immediately and visitation will be discontinued as necessary. (I know, I know...I said I was overly idealistic...) Thank you for answering my original question...I can see now, precisely why you believe as you do...and why you keep fighting. Blessings on the rest of your journey...it sounds to be a profoundly frustrating one!

I think in this case (correct me if I'm wrong) CPS is getting tired of handling it so they are looking for someone to take over guardianship. With guardianship they don't need to TPR. It removes CPS from the picture and saves them time and money. It moves the permanancy onto the relatives hands and they are the ones who have to petition for adoption. We never agreed to guardianship (and glad we did not) because we wanted our daughter to have permanency (either with us or previous FP's). I'm curious why CPS is wanting guardianship instead of TPR and adoption? Do they not feel they have a strong enough case for TPR?

One thing I've observed occasionally on these boards is foster parents anxiously hoping that the relatives aren't good placement options so that they can keep the kids ... this makes me feel kind of funny since I was one of those relative placements that "took" the child. It makes me wonder if normally the relatives are just as bad as the screwed-up bio parent(s). Overall my family is very boring respectable middle-class -- my sister (nephew's mom) just somehow happened to be the "bad egg". But in my situation, my nephew was only in another home for a week. DHS called me the night he was removed but would not let me take my nephew until we did a home study and passed a background check. It wasn't as if we let my nephew stay around in another home for 6 months and then decided maybe we wanted him after all. I think that sort of situation is unacceptable and that if relatives want him they need to be there day 1 -- if they're given the chance, anyway. In some situations though I wonder if relatives really should be the right placement. Our case is in TPR right now, and if that happens and we adopt, his mom (who is very screwed up) is going to be way more of a looming presence than she would if we were strangers. On the other hand, my nephew is very close to other family members, and if he were with a different family there are no guarantees that they would keep up that relationship. so I guess the jury is still out... to the original poster -- my heart goes out to you, it sounds as if you definitely have been there since day 1 and have been getting a terrible run-around. No advice to add, just hope everything turns out for you.

We got court ordered visits 1x/week! :dance: The law guardian is supporting our petition! Bio mom allowed us to bypass the extenuating circumstances hearing & simply admitted guilt...she also didn't object to the visits (this is a miracle because she objects to EVERYTHING). So now we wait & see if she willingly signs him over to us as his legal guardians. The county is preparing to file TPR so I'm sure she will agree to sign him over to us. The FP are fighting tooth & nail and have not been very nice to us, but it's just another bump in the road of our practically two year journey. For now we can focus on getting to know the "baby" again! :grouphug: Our next court conference is in 60 days.

What good news!

That's awesome! And, I might get flamed, but shame on the fp's for not being nice. I hope they are at least being respectful. They originally told you they wanted you in the baby's life either way! And I'm coming from a place of pain, the baby we were hoping to adopt is going to go to the grandma now. BUT, she must belong there, or she wouldn't be going! I'll do everything I can to make that transition easier for her. If they love their fs, they should treat you as exactly who you are. HIS family, that loves him & would do anything for him!

Thank you for your support. & I am sorry that you are hurting for your foster baby. You are a good foster parent & that baby & grandma are lucky to have you through this transition. We ended up getting court ordered visits because the first two visits were cancelled (and I only found out that they weren't going to do them by calling a few hours before we were supposed to meet and having them tell me they changed their mind). So now it is court ordered & if they cancel they will have to answer to the judge. We will see how the visit goes this weekend, i hope they are decent.

If I'm understanding your facts, the child has been with this couple for the vast majority of his life and has only known stability through them. He is as much a son to them as is he a relative to you - if not more so. I understand that you want to bond with him, but the truth is that you don't have a bond with him yet. I know why you want him, and I understand your struggle to get him. But, honestly think about the bond he has with them. Could you ever agree to let them raise him and you visit? I know you wanted this baby from the beginning, and you made your voice known, but the simple fact is that they have raised this baby, and it doesn't sound like he knows you. That move, when you haven't yet really explained why it is needed, could be very detrimental to him. Is there some reason you are concerned about the FPs raising him? I understand your concerns about disrupted foster placements, but now that these FPs are in the suit, it will much more difficult to just disrupt this placement for the reasons you suggest. Only on a judge's order will it happen. I know you love him and miss, and that you want to have him because he is your relative and I am sure you love him very much, but do you not see that the same may not be true for him? Does he really know you? Does he love you? I'm not an opponent to family getting kids in foster care, but in this case, these FPs are his world, not for 6 months, not for a year, but for almost his entire life - one you haven't been in since we was 9 weeks old. When the system drags cases out this long, and babies truly are raised by other people, I'm just not sure I can support ripping him away from them, so that he learn about some relatives. Write that stuff down, put it in a letter, scrapbook, etc, and when he is old enough to understand, visit him and tell him all about it. No one said that just because he stays with them you won't get to tell him about your family. Really, I am not trying to be a B. I am not passing judgment. But, I am sure that I will get flamed for my opinion, and I am okay with that. I truly believe what I am saying, and I am just asking some questions that I think you'll face at some point. I know if I was the FPs lawyer, I'd ask you on the witness stand. As for the motion to intervene (in case you still had any questions about what it meant), it means that they were not previously an actual party to the suit - not entitled to discovery, a lawyer, a voice at settlement, etc. Now that they are a party, they'll get everything. Their lawyer will have an opportunity to question witnesses, serve discovery, attend settlement and negotiate on their behalf. They must have gotten concerned that the baby was going to be moved to you. A lot of FPs where I live (TX) don't intervene unless they have to, usually in order to stop a placement from moving somewhere else. BTW - What does CPS seem to think? Are they in favor of your home or theirs? Or do you know? What about CASA and the AAL for the baby? All of those opinions will matter to the judge when he decides. It would be good for you to know whose side they are on.

The judge has ordered visits for us to form a relationship with the child and is encouraging the bio mom to sign over guardianship to us. The GAL is supporting us (the child's attorney). CPS has always said they do not oppose the child being with us, but at this point they are recommending TPR & adoption by fp. We will not rip the child away from his foster family, we will transition him if given the opportunity.

Didn't you state that you acquired a FP license? If so, they might be trying to stretch the case out a few more months in order to receive federal dollars.

First: You bio family members need to stop acting like a birth mom or dad won't try to make contact if the child is with a family member. It can and does happen. Second: You need to get to court as soon as the child is taken so the child isn't moved or have to form bonds with different people. foster parents are stepping UP to do what bio parents couldn't or wouldn't do. And for the poster who posted about dollars: The only way to "make money" is to do absolutely NOTHING with a foster child. and with case worker visits, that's sort of impossible in this day and age.