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We adopted our almost 4 year old daughter through foster care. Her birth mom and dad both had drug issues. Mom left her at the hospital and has not seen her since then. Dad has never seen her. Neither has ever expressed an interest in a visit. Since the termination of rights, we have kept in regular contact with the our daughter's bio aunt and grandma (talking every other week on the phone or skyping, regular pictures sent, and visits several times a year since we moved out of state). I think the more people that love her, the better.
Last year my daughters parents gave birth to another child who they are now raising. Our daughter knows her grandma, aunt, cousin, and we have talked to her regularly and shown her pictures (on facebook) of her bio mother, father, and new sister. I really want her to be able to see her mother, father, and sister in person and take pictures for later. Her sister looks just like our daughter. Last time we visited grandma, she tried to get them to come visit our dd, but again they stated they weren't interested. Especially now, I think it is important she has a relationship with her sister.
Do I continue to push contact, asking if they want to visit when we go back for visits, try to connect by facebook or email, or just give up asking until they make some kind of effort? I know it must have been hard for them and want to give them time, but I also want the best for dd. Also, do you think it is ok for me to show my daughter pictures of her other parents and sister? I would appreciate any advice.
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I hear you. I, too, would love for J to know all her siblings and have a life long relationship with them.
Unfortunately, in foster care/adopt situations, that's not always possible. You've made your desire for a relationship clear. You've provided access to those family members who want to be in your DDs life. That's all you can do, quite honestly.
Addicts do not tend to have the best coping mechanisms. they think about themselves before thinking of others, including their kids! (that was a hard one for me to accept).
Pushing will not have an effect - other than possibly chasing them away.
I'd definitely show your kiddos pix of their B-fam. I'd also send occasional pix of your kid via email (if you have it).
This really made the difference when forming a bond with DD's other mom.
good luck!
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wcurry66
I'd also send occasional pix of your kid via email (if you have it).
This really made the difference when forming a bond with DD's other mom.
good luck!
I am a birth mother and I didnt have any drug issues or anything but I also put so much effort into seeing my daughter, its to bad they arent showing any signs of wanting to see her. I hope she can have a relationship with her biological sister, I agree the more love the better. I hope it makes it easier on the child in the long run! Cross my fingers anyway :)Good luck.