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We have a RAD daughter almost 13, have had her about a year and half. Last year, she attended the same summer camp program and loved it. This year, she is attending the same camp again - run by the same people - and false allegations have surfaced against one of the camp counselors. She was previously molested by a relative. She doesn't like camp this year because her charm and manipulation has warn off and they are getting tired of her, they report to me. She has had privileges taken away in camp because of her behavior. They are never alone with the adults. She got mad at one of the counselors because they were teasing her and giving her a hard time. Then she said they touched her. So when I asked her to describe to me exactly what happened, it turns out she was slapped or smacked on the behind. Can be misconstrued as inappropriate. She wants her friends to back her up and wants us to question her friends, but I told her that she is my job, her friends have their parents to help them. I just don't know where to go from here. We had a sitter quit because of her lies. How do I handle this so that she feels we will take care of her but also warn other adults who watch her to protect themselves from false allegations? It's very delicate.
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lulahigley
We have a RAD daughter almost 13, have had her about a year and half. Last year, she attended the same summer camp program and loved it. This year, she is attending the same camp again - run by the same people - and false allegations have surfaced against one of the camp counselors. She was previously molested by a relative. She doesn't like camp this year because her charm and manipulation has warn off and they are getting tired of her, they report to me. She has had privileges taken away in camp because of her behavior. They are never alone with the adults. She got mad at one of the counselors because they were teasing her and giving her a hard time. Then she said they touched her. So when I asked her to describe to me exactly what happened, it turns out she was slapped or smacked on the behind. Can be misconstrued as inappropriate. She wants her friends to back her up and wants us to question her friends, but I told her that she is my job, her friends have their parents to help them. I just don't know where to go from here. We had a sitter quit because of her lies. How do I handle this so that she feels we will take care of her but also warn other adults who watch her to protect themselves from false allegations? It's very delicate.
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I am confused. Did a counselor slap or smack her? If so, I don't think it's misconstrued at all. It's absolutely inappropriate and would be quite a trigger for a child who had been molested. If not, what happened? What did "teasing and giving her a hard time" look like? Your dd is a young teen, but from what you've shared is obviously emotionally a young child. I wouldn't expect a young child to understand "mean" teasing or feel at all safe in an environment where teasing from the adults in charge was considered okay. Forgive me if I'm misunderstanding what you wrote. Susan
It is NEVER appropriate for a camp counselor to slap a child or "smack her bottom." It is also not appropriate for them to keep teasing a child, especially if they can see that the kid is becoming agitated and doesn't consider it "fun." I would listen to your daughter...in spite of her RAD. Kids with RAD and other emotional disturbances are often targeted by certain adults in our society. They know that no one will believe the kids...
I have to agree with the others here... what the counselor(s) did sounds extremely inappropriate! A child should not be teased by adults until she's upset - especially the adults who are supposed to be authority figures. Nor should that adult be spanking or smacking your daughter, or putting hands on her buttocks in any way. In my opinion that is inappropriate touch, particularly when the person in question is an authority figure.I understand that dealing with manipulation from your daughter day in and day out must be extremely frustrating. In this case, though, it sounds to me like something inappropriate did happen, even if it was the more "mild" explanation you provided. Kids who have RAD can still be abused and treated inappropriately, as Raven said. If the counselor teased her to the point of anger and put hands on her rear, that counselor should be disciplined in my opinion.
do NOT dismiss that as "a lie" or "manipulation"... nearly EXACT same thing happened to me as a kid, and let me tell you, I NEVER trusted my "mother" again! Just from someone who has been there before.... and if for some reason it didnt happen, she is likely suffering from PTSD and is suffering greatly, not "manipulative"... put yourself in her shoes! i know it must be hard, but if you arent "on her side", it only twists the knife... best of luck
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