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I just picked up pictures of my daughter's birth family I got off of facebook. I'm going to keep them in the safety deposit box. In the past I have showed them to her online so she knew they were okay. However, I'm wondering if I should show her the prints now, even the ones of herself at Christmas with them because it looks so normal. I don't want their problems to spread to her and she needs to have a complete bond with us. I'm afraid seeing the pictures will mess with that. So put the pictures away until she is older or just stick them in an album and don't make a big deal about it?
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I'm not sure how long she's been with you, but I've found DD (who moved in with us when she had just turned 5) trusted and bonded with me MORE when I shared information and pictures from her BM.
Its like I showed I wasn't condemning her BM and she didn't need to defend her.
Don't get me wrong - it was super hard at times to listen to her go on about her "perfect" life before foster care. But I'd encourage her, smile, then come here to kvetch
The pictures we got from her BM and BGM are on out fridge along side the ones from our life together. Good luck!
I agree with wcurry. Knowing that their previous attachments are "ok" is an important thing and your acceptance of her other family is also important. I think I would make no big deal of it, but have a framed pic in her room (along with framed pics of you guys) and simply make it her truth. She has two families, one she lives with and one she doesnt
She was just about to turn four when she went into foster. I've been doing basically what you said, I made up an album of her mother etc. and put her baby pictures in her life book. However, as she is getting older I'm afraid of her getting in on facebook or running into mom at the mall. I'm wondering if she didn't see mom's picture if she wouldn't remember her clear enough to recognize her. I agree that showing her the pictures brought us closer. However, I when she was going on about her perfect mother and basically how we kidnapped her and are keeping her prisoner attitude, I showed her pictures of her mother having fun with friends etc. Nothing awful but picture is worth a 1000 words and things improved after that. She could see that mom was okay.
Anyway I'm leaning towards giving her some of the pictures, her baby pictures and pictures of great grandparents. There are also some pictures of her that don't seem happy and some okay pictures of her. I'm leaning to them too. However, I'm not sure about pictures of her last Christmas, right before they took her away. She looks so happy, the house looks so pretty, she has all these wonderful toys. I can't imagine why anybody would take a child away from that and I'm afraid she will think the same thing.
The therapist said the "truth will set you free". So maybe just show her the pictures. However, I really don't know why she couldn't be with at least one relative, except they do drugs. I've met them, listen to them talk when they didn't know I was there and they seemed so okay. I wish I knew what was so awful about them.
Anyway leaning towards some pictures and not making a big deal about it. But will these keep her memories alive which will probably keep their hold on her and thus increase the likelyhood of facebook at 10, instead of later.
speaking from experience, embracing her past and making it available will help you become closer... my information was kept from me and my biological family bashed growing up... it wont make them love you less, i promise! Curious, maybe, but she wont just decide to love the other parents "more" , if thats waht scares you...best of luck....ps: you cant make someone love you!
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