Fostering impact on your bio children

Defiantly affects your bio kids but it really depends on the foster child and your child. My oldest has been mostly positive impact he is so much more patient because he understands that not all kids have parents that teach them right from wrong. He is also way more protective of smaller kids now. My middle child has learned that he can't always do what another child says. He's also FINALLY realized that he can't run around with out pants.My youngest has had more of a negative impact, he has become super clingy. He wants to be holding onto me all the the time because of the times he's been picked on by bigger kids. He's also learned to be gentle with smaller kids and play peek-a-boo with babies. Oh and his sharing has improved so that's a plus.

:clap: :D

We are only 3 months in on our first placement of a 3 year old girl and a 15 month old boy. Our bio kids are 9 and 11 years old and one daughter that's completely grown and out of the house. So far, I see only good things from fostering these little sweethearts. Our kids are learning about love, self-sacrifice, hard work, determination and lot about child care. I know it will be super hard on all of us if and when these two reunify. We talk often about what the future will bring...and I think that is the key. Keep talking to the kids and let them voice their feelings and opinions. Recently, I asked our 11 year old son if having the foster kids is too hard. He said, "Honestly I think this is where they are suppose to be." That gave me some good goosies right there. It's not all roses and glory. They tire of the little ones, but they tire of them just like they would if they were their biological sibs. We try and work in breaks for our kids. Overnights to friends houses every once in a while. We are also trying to at least once a month or so, get out with just the 9 and 11 year old to a movie or putt putt golf. We'd do the same if we had little bio kids too. We need to stay connected to these guys as they enter the world of pre-adolescents. We're only three months in, so maybe in a year things will be different, but from my perspective...it's been a great experience so far.

Fostering has been nothing but positive for our children. They have learned that we can love something without having to "own" it. They have learned that when we can help others, we should, and do. And in a limited, age-appropriate way, they are learning about the dangers of bad choices like drugs and violence, and how they can affect a family.We have been through some pretty tricky stuff, from the stress of a high-needs, colicky screaming baby all the way up to saying goodbye to someone we loved for over a year and thought would be ours forever.It's not just that "kids are resilient." I think my kids are able to handle the emotional roller coaster primarily because kids live in the moment, and when things change, they adjust pretty well and pretty quickly to the "new normal," without a lot of questioning or complaining. They don't carry all the baggage of the past, the hopes for the future that now must change, or the complicated context and all the "WHY?!" that sometimes comes with it. Situations are what they are, and the kids just go with the flow, even when Hubbi and I find ourselves struggling with "If only. . ." and "Why?"Our boys were 4.5 and 7.5 when we started fostering. I have never heard them complain about it or indicate they feel shortchanged, etc. One caveat: we do not keep a "full house;" we take one placement at a time, and take a break in between, usually one week for each month we had the FKs. We think it's good for our family to have some "just us" time, and for our kids to have some family memories that are just the four of us (like last summer's family vacation, when we were between placements).

When I was young my parents fostered pregnant teens.....the only negative I can possibly see (at least according to my mom) is that I, the only daughter, have never had ANY desire to actually give birth. Don't see the point when there are so many kids already born that need homes. On the other hand, my son came to me at 6mos and is now 4yo.....he DID struggle for awhile with fears that he would be 'sent home'. Also, my 15yo daughter was adoptd when she was 12, and had been raised an only child. Between her bipolar dx and being used to having all of the attention (even though it was often negative in her younger years) she really struggled for a couple of years. However, I felt strongly she needed this experience if only to teach her compassion (she was used to always looking out for her own interests). Of course, once I adopted my son, we have only taken his age or younger with exception of a 6yo that was part of a sibling set.

And Navywife, how did your son get the pants message?? Mine STILL tries to run around naked, and so does every other toddler boy I get (and I've had many!!). The girls seem content with at least a diaper, but those boys!! My neighbors must wonder if we are nudists considering how often naked boys are running around on the back deck :arrow:

There is no way to know for sure what has happened in the home, especially to children incapable of expressing themselves. The little boy who was very violent and who we disrupted after injuring several of our family members was placed due to "neglect." He was only 2 and non-verbal. In addition, we have had placements of children who were the victims of physical abuse who never were violent or aggressive; we have also had placement of children who were sexually abused and they never acted out sexually. Ironically, the children who looked the worst "on paper" seemed to be the best kids, and the ones who you wouldn't think would be that bad turned out to be nightmarish placements! The bottom line is that fostercare is like a box of chocolates! :eek:

You are not wrong. A two year old who has never been physically/sexually abused, but who has spent his entire life bouncing between seven family members as "primary" caregiver, may well have far greater issues than a child removed because of abuse. Children are both heartbreakingly resilient and heartbreakingly fragile -- with knowledge only of their "background" (and not of their "self"), it's very tough to guess which kiddoes are the ones most likely to be most troubled.

There have been many positives as I watch my teenage sons who ADORE their baby sisters and who have learned many, many valuable skills by having babies around :)HOWEVER we had one placement that was very, very hard on our youngest son (and me). He was almost 5 when the baby came and she stayed 13 months. Her departure was traumatic and unexpected (she went to a visit and just never came back with no goodbye when the relative decided to keep her). We are FIVE years after the fact and he still grieves that baby sister very, very much. According to counselors, he is affected the same as a child who lost a sibling to death - almost exactly. He was too young to remember "before" she came, and loved her so incredibly much. Our oldest son moved out for a summer job a month ago, and again our youngest son was triggered with enormous grief for that baby girl (who is now 6). Interestingly, we ended up spending several hours with her this week very unexpectedly, and I still had a weepy 11 year old after our surprise visit. And again, this is FIVE years after she lived with us.

Hello, I am new to this thread and I need some advice. I have been a liscenced foster mom for 8 months now and have had a placement since late January, a 3 yr old boy. Recently his mom got extended unsuprevised visits and now the boy is getting more sexually interested. about 6 weeks ago he was starting to be inappropraite to my 2 yr old daughter. We thought we nipped it in the bud and have not seen anything since. on thursday night I find out from a boy i was watching that my 3 yr old foster son was inappropriate with my daughter. I am not sure how to proceed. The boy is in therapy already and i have been waiting since thursday evening for the therapist to call me. This being out first foster child, we are not sure if we should disrupt for the safety for our daughter or if we should continue and see how it goes. please help!!

I just took a course on this on Foster Parent College.com my dd is an only child. One thing I have found is that taking more than one child at a time really changes the dynamics of the house. We either have to do storytime with noone sitting in my lap or 1:1 with each having a turn. My girl is loving and caring but will make comments when frustrated about sharing me to foster kids.

acshirley, I would have to say I would disrupt to protect my kids. I don't think you can be too safe. You do not want to risk him causing damage to your own children!! In my opinion it isn't worth it helping other peoples children at the expense of your own... it is one thing if you have no idea it is happening or any history of it, but If I knew then I would have to disrupt. With that said, I have never been in that position. I am only on my first placement. Best of luck!

ACShirley - We would disrupt. That was the one thing that we knew going in would be cause for disruption - immediately! We walked into this with legally free kids, adoption in just 6 months (we hope), we were totally committed from the day we were introduced to the kids - no turning back, etc. EXCEPT, if there was any sexual acting out or inappropriate behavior towards any of our bios.

Thank you for your opinions. We have decided to disrupt. it was a hard decision, but it is what is best for everyone.

My boys eventually learned modesty...the youngest at 7 still has a short way to go (haha - he's modest with everyone else, including my husband and my one-year-old nephew, but not so much with his brothers and me). My husband grew up in a super modest home..if they boys are in their underwear around the house he thinks it is too weird. I grew up in a modest house too I guess, but not that modest, and if two-year-olds want to streak across the house for a little bit, well more power to them :D (Yes, I know there are exceptions for kiddos that have been sexually abused - and you have to do more to protect them and others).