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As most of you know, we adopted our grandson a yr ago :love: He calls us mom and dad. He will soon be three.
We have 7 grown children with children of their own, some younger than our son, some older. Not counting BM, all are happy about our adoption. Four of our grown children refer to themselves as our child's sister/brother. Two grown children prefer to be continue to be referred to as his Aunt. They say it is wierd that our son would be their son's uncle instead of cousin.
If we let their titles ride, will it cause major confusion?
Also, despite the relationship with BM, we have shown our son pics of his BM and him occassionally and talked positive to him about her. Last night, we were looking at all family pics when we discovered that our son does not recognize his BM at all when shown with other pics. He did refer to her twice by name but the name he gave was that of his grown sister (previous Aunt) of whom somewhat resembles BM. The one he referred to he sees about once per month. Now we think he does not remember BM at all, but refers to her actual name in individual pics by learned response. Thoughts on how to address this?
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I don't think it's really necessary for everyone to be called by a disignation established by the relative family order. In my own family, my husband's Dad was married long before he married by MIL. There are two half-sisters and they all have kids. Technically, those kids are my husband's neices and nephews, but they are roughly the same age as DH and so he calls them cousins. Our daighters call them their Aunts and Uncles. Because of the age difference, I would let them decide on what title they feel comfortable with. The actual relation isn't so important as the place they have in your son's life. When he's older, you can draw it all out on a chart for him to see.
As for not recognizing bio mom in pics, that will come with time as he ages. It isn't uncommon especially since this is a relative adoption. In his mind, these people look similar and there isn't enough difference for him to be able to choose the correct one every time. That's really not a big problem. Continue to have pics of her and tell him who she is. As he gets older, he will be able to distinguish between her and others in the family.
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CaddoRose
I don't think it's really necessary for everyone to be called by a disignation established by the relative family order.
Families don't come in neat packages. I have older siblings, we share the same dad but different mom. Growing up my niece and nephews and I said we were cousins. Most of the time I just say I have 2 brothers since I never see the other 2. (So yes, my brother's kids and I called each other cousins)
My older kids' dad has a little sister who is younger than my kids. They have always referred to her as their aunt even though she is younger, but she really is their aunt (their bio cousin).
kidscomefirst
I was also thinking about filling out preschool papers where you have to list siblings, or in elementary school when he has to list do the family tree. Thinking ahead a bit, but what we do now, will determine what he expects then.
I have noticed that lately most of the school forms just ask for a listing of other children living in the house, or other people living in the home. We had a situation where I raised my sister. She and my oldest son still call each other brother and sister and have that relationship from when he was small and she was a teen, however later when he was a teen she moved back in with us, with her two little girls. We were able to make it all work. Also I have seen less and less of the family tree project, more often now I am seeing time lines of the child's life, so for my adopted kids we included their adoption and birth and other events.
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