Am I crazy or do other Adoptees feel this way? Need Answers / Hurting

Your feelings are normal. I went through ups and downs as I waited for my non-identifying information. When I received it in the mail I just balled when I read how my bmother cared for me in the hospital. It appeared that maybe the adoption institute made it up, but it didn't matter because it was what I needed to hear at that moment. :hippie: It is difficult not to feel a lack of belonging and identity. Now that both my adoptive parents have died I feel very alone. The range of emotions can be overwhelming. Hang in there and make the most of your life while you wait.

Believe me you are not alone. I am 44 and am still looking, KIND OF. Honestly I stopped looking a long time ago. There is no where left for me to register, no stone that was unturned. I have hit a wall and had to resolve my self that it was not to be. Every now and then I get this heart wrenching pain when I realize what has been stolen from me, and I go emotional for a few days feeling the loss. Then I go on, because I have to, I have resigned myself that I will not know who my biological family is until the day I stand before God. Sorry don't want to throw my faith at anyone but, my faith is my strength, and helps me to feel OK about everything and just move forward. I would be lost without it. Maybe it is a little worse for me because my adoptive parents, though they were good people, treated me more like a foster child than part of their family, even though they brought me home at 4 days old. I do not want to dig up dirt, they were good people, But some people were never suited to be adoptive parents. So I am pretty much alone in this world except for the wonderful family I have built for myself. But I always wonder if there are brother and sisters and grandparents who where deprived of their rights. Most days I am great, I do not even think of being adopted, I have a great family wonderful husband and two wonderful teen age kids. God has truely blessed me in my life and I know it. But every now and then it hits me like a brick. This giant gapeing whole in my life. A past that was stolen from me. Please know this will pass, you are not insane, and chances are counseling is far from necessary. If you did not have emotional days, then I would worry. You are likely to have bad days from time to time, and you will be fine. What you are feeling is normal. You have been deprived of a very vital and natural connection, and dispite what those trying to sell young girls on the idea it is "better" to give up their baby are saying, severing that connection is bound to have emotional consequences even in the best of adoptive situations. Be strong and in time I hope you find your parents. I know my parents are not looking for me. I found it funny the one woman who says that the adoptee has to make the first attempt at connection, because I was told the exact opposite, the parent has to make the first connection. That they have a right to privacy. I think we all need to take time now and then to let out our frustration and anger. :hissy: :hissy: . In the long run in makes me feel better to say THIS IS WRONG. Know you are not alone with feeling emotionally overwhelmed from time to time due to the messed up system we have been imprisioned in for crimes that are not our own.

The frustration that adopted feel when complete strangers hold the information we seek but are ineffective in distributing it to us is huge. We did not choose this situation. We have rights that are trampled upon by people who choose to harbour the privacy of the individuals who made the choice for us; (whether under duress or not) is more valuable. Unfortunately, no matter whether your are reunited or not there are alliances to navigate. It's like being caught in a web of deception sanctioned by the agencies of our governance. I hope something shifts. I am sorry you are going through this. It's not fair at all.

This is a great thread, thank you. I am so very frustrated right now and have been for several weeks. I filled out my Illinois registration and all the other forms including a request for my birth certificate. Less than two weeks later, I get a letter saying that my birth mom was 25 at my birth and that I have an older sibling. It is now at least 3 weeks later and I haven't heard a word :-( The emotional roller coaster is unbelievable! I sent in a check for $40 which was the wrong amount - it should have been $15 so I wrote it and sent it in. I was so very excited when I got the information and I figured it would only be days - WRONG! Everyday now, I hold my breath, hoping. I feel like I'm losing a chance to meet my birth family. This is something that has become very strong in me for the last half year. Feeling the ups and the downs is so very hard. At times I have been despondent but mostly I am hopeful because it's all I choose to have. Thanks for letting me vent!spike

Hang in there. I remember the intensity, it was the only thing I could focus on. Whatever the outcome will be, you will find more peace. I wish you well. I know what you are feeling.

Praise God, I wrote my post last Friday and on Saturday my birth certificate!!!!!!!!!!! I have talked with a cousin, my older sister and will be talking with another younger sister who was also given up for adoption soon! It is very emotional and so fulfilling :-)

Good for you. I hope things work out.

Feels like a hole in my heart. Like a missing link. I know how u feel. I'm 22 years old and I haven't found anyone yet either.

Hey Dave, read your post and was glad to see there are others on the board who have searched for many years. I too have searched for 60 years. I believe at this point that there will be a beginning, a middle but no ending to my search. I was adopted in the mid thirties and the paper work destroyed. What was left was sealed and has just recently be opened, somewhat. It has been a long struggle, and perhaps all that is left is the appreciation of those still searching and the roller coaster that awaits them. I am black market so I seriously doubt there will be an ending to my story. I wish you the best.

CuriousAlyssa, you say you're 22 - how long have you been searching? What information do you have? Unfortunately, some searches take a really long time...There are search angels here on this site who are very good at helping people move their search ahead. You might want to see if you can connect with someone who's had experience searching and finding. Perhaps they can get you a little further, or even all the way.Lots of adoptees share the "hole in the heart" feeling, if it makes you feel any better to know that others feel the same... you aren't alone in that.I wish you good luck.

Emerals23, this is the information I have I have brown eyes and naturally curly long blonde hair. I found out that I have siblings out there who are older than me and is like to find them hopefully. I was born 8-1-91, in missouri and all I know is my biological moms name was faith, and I have 2 sisters and 1 brother. The sisters were either born or adopted 1988 and 1984 both have blonde hair and blue eyes, and are Caucasian . The brother has a date of 1984 is causasion blue eyes and red hair. Can anyone please help me? I haven't met any of them and like to find out! Also, I live in Missouri. Was born in missouri, and was adopted in missouri.

Here's a good first starting point: [url=http://www.dss.mo.gov/cd/adopt/adoir.htm]Missouri Adoption Information Registry[/url]I'm not sure how helpful the Missouri Adoption registry is, but it's worth a try.You can also try signing up for the International Soundex Reunion Registry at [url=http://www.isrr.org]International Soundex Reunion Registry - ISRR[/url] That's the biggest adoptee/birth family registry available, and if both parties register, they will make the match and give you information.With all the details you have, I'm guessing you've already contacted the adoption agency that handled your case? If not, go ahead and give them a call and see if there's anything they can do to help you. Some will charge a fee, but I want to say Missouri is a state that permits agencies to act as confidential intermediaries to conduct part of your search for you.You can also ask your state's Department of Family Services if there's anything further they can do: Missouri Department of Social ServicesDivision of Family ServicesPO Box 88Jefferson City, MO 65103(573) 751-0311Fax: (573) 526-3971I hope some of that proves helpful. Good luck.

I'm finding that feelings of rejection and sadness just sort of creeped in, unexpectedly. I have a great adoptive family and only found out I was adopted recently, at age 50! Even so, after finding and speaking with my birth-father on the phone at length and sending him photos, I felt rejected when he decided that we would not be meeting or likely even speaking further. Something I didn't expect to feel. I'm happy that I found him and had the chance to hear his voice, but I'm sad that is the end of it. I guess I just need to get over it and move on. It's so weird to think that he doesn't have the same desire to meet.

No Dee you are not crazy to feel that way, my Mother refused for twenty years to meet or speak to me and my feelings were at times similar to yours. It's like a family bereavement, you will learn to live with it although the person is never forgotten and it's worse when you are feeling low for some other reason. My Mother died back in 2009 and we had not had any contact despite me visiting my Sisters in the U.S. on several occasions. Guess what, her refusal to see me made no difference to anything, I still feel the same feelings as before I found her and, no, I don't get mad about it, sometimes a little sad thinking how much she missed out on and how much she would have enjoyed her grandchildren. We all have a cross to bear or so they say and when you consider some of the things others have to live with it doesn't seem quite so bad, chin up and soldier on.

Thanks Dave for sharing your experience on this. It does help to keep things in perspective and realize that all of this pales in comparison to the suffering many go through in life. I too feel like my birth-father missed out on an opportunity to meet his grandson (now 20) and to have some family. He isn't married and has no other children, so it's especially poignant. Just waiting to see if bio-mom will respond to my initial letter, although doubtful since she has several children and is married. I suspect the odds are great she never told any of them and will not likely want contact. Thanks again. : )