Advertisements
My wife and I currently have full legal custody in VA of two of our nieces (3 and 5yo). They moved in with us around a year ago due to their mother's drug and criminal issues, which have gone on for years, all her girls had known was a neglectful and abusive (physically and sexually) household. She was in and out of jail, facing several felony charges. We pursued custody, as the girls were abandoned with us, and had no trouble getting full legal custody awarded without any consent from the parents since the mother and fathers (each girl has a different father) did not respond to subpoenas. The girls fit well into our family, and have responded greatly to a loving home and positive attention. Both girls have made great strides developmentally, they came to us not knowing any colors, letters, numbers, etc, and both now know their ABC's, are writing, spelling, and generally thriving in a good home. We have had full intent of adopting them and making their position in our family a permanent one.
The mother was finally arrested, locked up and made some progress while in jail- found God, wanted to change, enrolled in Narcotics Anonymous, etc. Since she was released, she's held down a job, made all her meetings, etc, and we've allowed her to have some communication with the girls. Our goal is not to alienate her from her daughters, but to provide a healthy home for them, and to protect them from their mother's abusive ways and help maintain a healthy, limited relationship between them. Up until now, the mother has been in agreement that our home is the best choice for the girls. However, in the past few days, it surfaced in conversation that she intends to try and get the girls back. She has the support of her mother (my MIL), and we're afraid that the courts will side with her, and that we will lose custody of the girls.
We want to pursue adoption, but now it appears we will not have the mother's consent. We don't want to make the situation turn ugly, and want to maintain a good relationship with the mother, and for the girls to be able to stay in touch with her as well, but it looks like this is going to become a fight. On paper, the mother could be seen as fit, being that she's upholding the rules of her probation, making her meetings and fees, holding a job, etc. I just don't see her keeping up this path well enough to take the girls back, her next offense would land her in prison, and not to mention it will be tough for her to financially support two girls while in probation.
Sorry for the long-winded details, but I felt the backstory is necessary. Does anyone have any advice for pursuing adoption? We will probably be seeking legal counsel, but the financial burden is an issue. I am in the military, which compensates some adoption costs, but I'm not sure if it would cover a situation like ours. I would like to do whatever I can on my own to lessen the financial strain, but I also understand that legal representation will be needed at some point. Any help or advice is greatly appreciated.
Like
Share
[QUOTE=drbrown].
Up until now, the mother has been in agreement that our home is the best choice for the girls. However, in the past few days, it surfaced in conversation that she intends to try and get the girls back. She has the support of her mother (my MIL), and we're afraid that the courts will side with her, and that we will lose custody of the girls.
On paper, the mother could be seen as fit, being that she's upholding the rules of her probation, making her meetings and fees, holding a job, etc.
QUOTE]
I would definately consult with an attorney before discussing it any further, especially with family members. Depending on how the custody order is written, she could very well petition the court to return custody to her.
We were fortunate and after 2 years we were able to adopt the child we had custody of but my sister was not so lucky. Three years after she got custody of a child, the mother petitioned for return of custody and won. At the time she had been working for less than 3 months, was living with a friend and was dependant on government aid. None of that mattered and the child was returned to the same situation she was removed from.
I do wish for the very best outcome for those little ones, please let us know how this progresses. There are alot of us raising family members and sometimes I wonder if the judges have a clue what repercussions their decisions have.
Advertisements
It is not possible for you to adopt without terminating the parents' rights. If the state has no plans to file suit and BOTH parents are unwilling to relinquish, then you would have to file suit and provide proof as to why their rights should be terminated. This is VERY difficult, and especially so for a third party who does not have access to any prior evidence collected by DFPS, if there was a previous investigation.
The fact that she has made progress and maintains contact with her children is enough for her to maintain her rights, if not regain custody.
If it were me I would be careful about fighting her on it. You definitely need to talk to a lawyer about what the process is and the likelihood you would win. However, if a judge does grant her custody back, you will have no rights to continued contact with the kids. If you are worried about their mother not continuing to make the good choices she is making, and you fight her and alienate her to the point that she won't let you stay a part of their lives, there is no one there to keep an eye out and step in to help if things go downhill. If you work with her, be her cheerleader in the changes she is making in her life, help her to keep going, then she may be more likely to keep you and the kids in her life, and the positive changes don't continue, you are more likely to know and be able to help both her and the girls.