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My nephew and his siblings were removed from my brother and his gfs care 5 months ago. My nephew is with me because he is the only one I am related to, he was by himself in a foster and the other 2 were in a seperate foster home. I could only take him because I have 3 kids of my own and a small home. Having to care for 6 kids(5 are under 5 years old) was just too much for me. Plus, i did not know these kids at all and in my state family does not get the financial assistance that fosters get and we are struggling like a lot of folks are these days. Anyway, not once has anyone questioned the paternity of mu nephew but today in a meeting with his sw, she asks me if we have questioned it pretty much out of nowhereI asked if something came up and that is why she asked but sw didn't tell me specifics...just that something was said to make her ask.Just a few days before we discussed guardianship because this is the 2nd time the older kids have been in care and parents aren't making much progress. My brother has other kids he has signed off on, so I just don't have faith he is going to do what he needs to do to get his child back. My goal has always been ru, but now I am getting to the point that I just want to speed things along and get guardianship because the twice a week visits (I supervise with another foster and coordinating has been stressful) dealing with the parents drama, court, dealing with gal and sw, home visits, documenting of everything and always feeling under the microscope by everyone is just getting to us. But now there is this question of paternity that I can't even get the answer to because the parents have to order it themselves. Mom won't because my brother and her are still together, my brother won't until he is ready to move on from her and not pay child support. Meanwhile I am wondering what has all this stress in the past 5 months been for? I didn't sign up to be a foster, I did this to help my family. Now he may not be my family? And when do we find this out? Once we have already fallen in love and gotten used to the idea of him being with us forever? And after all we have done and been through for this baby (everyday care, getting him healthy (malnourished ) getting surgery and shots and just all the hoops you have to jump through) they can't even give me an answer to whether or not this child is really my relation unless his deadbeat parents want to know? I am just so sick over this.
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Jsaunt
My nephew and his siblings were removed from my brother and his gfs care 5 months ago. My nephew is with me because he is the only one I am related to, he was by himself in a foster and the other 2 were in a seperate foster home. I could only take him because I have 3 kids of my own and a small home. Having to care for 6 kids(5 are under 5 years old) was just too much for me. Plus, i did not know these kids at all and in my state family does not get the financial assistance that fosters get and we are struggling like a lot of folks are these days. Anyway, not once has anyone questioned the paternity of mu nephew but today in a meeting with his sw, she asks me if we have questioned it pretty much out of nowhereI asked if something came up and that is why she asked but sw didn't tell me specifics...just that something was said to make her ask.Just a few days before we discussed guardianship because this is the 2nd time the older kids have been in care and parents aren't making much progress. My brother has other kids he has signed off on, so I just don't have faith he is going to do what he needs to do to get his child back. My goal has always been ru, but now I am getting to the point that I just want to speed things along and get guardianship because the twice a week visits (I supervise with another foster and coordinating has been stressful) dealing with the parents drama, court, dealing with gal and sw, home visits, documenting of everything and always feeling under the microscope by everyone is just getting to us. But now there is this question of paternity that I can't even get the answer to because the parents have to order it themselves. Mom won't because my brother and her are still together, my brother won't until he is ready to move on from her and not pay child support. Meanwhile I am wondering what has all this stress in the past 5 months been for? I didn't sign up to be a foster, I did this to help my family. Now he may not be my family? And when do we find this out? Once we have already fallen in love and gotten used to the idea of him being with us forever? And after all we have done and been through for this baby (everyday care, getting him healthy (malnourished ) getting surgery and shots and just all the hoops you have to jump through) they can't even give me an answer to whether or not this child is really my relation unless his deadbeat parents want to know? I am just so sick over this.
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I guess that is my concern, that it won't get questioned until its too late for us. He has been with us for months...we are falling In love with him. We went into this with the idea that he is always going to be in our lives even if he is reunited because he is family. However, if he isnt really my family and things go bad ( and they headed there, trust me) bio mom is going to play the paternity card once she finds out she is losing custody. My brother will when they break up and no longer wants to deal with it just like his other kids. It wasn't my intention to get custody ever, just to provide and care for him until his parents got it together. We only started discussing it once it started to become clear that they aren't really motivated. So I feel like we should find out now so my family can make a decision on what our next move will be. And that may mean disrupting if he isn't related because we can't go on with all this craziness and stress forever if it is all just going end badly anyway. I probably sound like a real jerk, but this has been a hard time for our family...it's been soo much to take on. I think it's time for my family to be considered in this so we know how to proceed.
If you gave had the child that long they will probably leave him with you to adopt when tge case goes bad. I would get licensed so you can get the foster care support and hang onto him unitl they RU or you adopt. Chances are 3 other more months will make it too late to move him. Just let the CW know that if he isnt your nephew it wont matter, you still want to keep him.
Jsaunt
So I feel like we should find out now so my family can make a decision on what our next move will be.
Jsaunt
My nephew and his siblings were removed from my brother and his gfs care 5 months ago. My nephew is with me because he is the only one I am related to, he was by himself in a foster and the other 2 were in a seperate foster home. I could only take him because I have 3 kids of my own and a small home. Having to care for 6 kids(5 are under 5 years old) was just too much for me. Plus, i did not know these kids at all and in my state family does not get the financial assistance that fosters get and we are struggling like a lot of folks are these days. Anyway, not once has anyone questioned the paternity of mu nephew but today in a meeting with his sw, she asks me if we have questioned it pretty much out of nowhereI asked if something came up and that is why she asked but sw didn't tell me specifics...just that something was said to make her ask.Just a few days before we discussed guardianship because this is the 2nd time the older kids have been in care and parents aren't making much progress. My brother has other kids he has signed off on, so I just don't have faith he is going to do what he needs to do to get his child back. My goal has always been ru, but now I am getting to the point that I just want to speed things along and get guardianship because the twice a week visits (I supervise with another foster and coordinating has been stressful) dealing with the parents drama, court, dealing with gal and sw, home visits, documenting of everything and always feeling under the microscope by everyone is just getting to us. But now there is this question of paternity that I can't even get the answer to because the parents have to order it themselves. Mom won't because my brother and her are still together, my brother won't until he is ready to move on from her and not pay child support. Meanwhile I am wondering what has all this stress in the past 5 months been for? I didn't sign up to be a foster, I did this to help my family. Now he may not be my family? And when do we find this out? Once we have already fallen in love and gotten used to the idea of him being with us forever? And after all we have done and been through for this baby (everyday care, getting him healthy (malnourished ) getting surgery and shots and just all the hoops you have to jump through) they can't even give me an answer to whether or not this child is really my relation unless his deadbeat parents want to know? I am just so sick over this.
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RobinKay
If you are biologically related to your brother, test little one and yourself. The test will show if you are related. Go get it done yourself for your peace of mind--don't ask, don't tell.
Jsaunt
Hmmm but I do have permission to seek medical treatment for him. However, when he had to have his surgery dss had to sign off on that. I wonder what the sw would say if I approached her about having us tested. That is a brilliant idea! Aren't there some home tests for that now?
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I am still not sure how to respond to this.....is your concern that you will go through all of this, and then have the child you love taken from you and placed with 'real' family?
Or is your concern that you don't want to go thru this at all, but are doing so for family and thus want to know now so that you can stop the insanity?
For the first, who cares if he is really blood? I sincerely doubt the child would be moved after this period of time unless it was to return to mom and dad.
If it is the second, perhaps you should simply withdraw now. I understand your frustration with the process (I think we all do, whether we are in it voluntarily or because we were put in it), but at this point the concern (IMHO) should be for the child and ensuring he is with as permanent family (blood or otherwise) as possible.
YOu can buy a DNA test online - swab you both and send in the test to a lab and they will tell you the likelihood that you are his aunt...
[url=http://www.dnatesting.net/aunt_uncle_grandparent_dna_testing.html]DNA Testing for Aunts, Uncles, and Grandparents; Avuncular DNA Testing at Family Genetics[/url]
This one costs $138
An Avuncular DNA testis performed to determine the statistical probability that a person is the biological aunt or uncle of an alleged niece or nephew. The cost of the Avuncular DNA test will include an alleged niece or nephew and alleged aunt or uncle, but one may add more alleged relatives, if and when needed. Results will be reported as a Probability of Relationship and may range from <1% to >99%.