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I wish there were! I would love to read more on how others handle it. I adopted my grandsons in May 2011 and have since cut off most contact with my own son (who is an addict) and their mother. It is extremely hard to do a relative adoption. They think they should still have full access to the kids and nobody seems to understand they are not theirs anymore--even the maternal family. I allow the boys to determine how much contact there will be up to a point. We are just a totally screwed up family!!! One son calls me mom, the other grandma; they take it in spells whether they want to talk to the bio-parents or not. I just go with what feels right to us and remind myself it is my job to do what is best for the boys at their age.
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I feel ya Willow....I am looking for a manual so I point out things to my family members and say "look right here, it's says you cannot do that!" KWIM?
There is a lot of jealousy between family members because of the current situation with Happy Baby. This is birthmom's 2nd child she has lost custody of due to her drug addiction.
Her dad and my mom are brother/sister and we all still live within a 20 miles radius of each other so emotions are running VERY HIGH right now.
It is pretty easy for me to cut birthmom out of my life (she makes it easy) again. She is still lying & using drugs. I couldn't imagine if it was my own child that I had to cut off contact with.
Best wishes to you and ALL your family.