I'm back, and not for a good reason. support please!!

We have court on the 13th. The bios laywer is going to recomend that the diva go home with bios. Of course everyone is fighting that. We were told we could intervene. but at a cost. If we fight and lose we'll never see her again. IF we dont fight we still may never see her again. I feel like we lose either way. We're adults, I understand whats going on but diva doesnt. I may not of physcially given birth to this child but she is me made over SHe's got OCD like me, type A personallity, the works, and I'm worried that no one is going to be able to deal with her "quirks". We're just praying right now that the judge denies the recomendation so we can get on with the termination.

Just wondering what the outcome was? I've been praying for you!

In our region of TX, if you've had a child in your home for at least 6 months, you can get yourself a lawyer and fight removal. I have a friend who is going through that very thing with her LO who she's had for 8 months. I'm not sure what the time-requirements are in your area, but surely if you've had her for 2 years you would be able to fight. Granted, you have to pay for the lawyer and legal fees, so I don't know if that's a real possibility for you or not. But, it is most certainly an option if one can afford the lawyer. Hugs to you.:grouphug:

Any updates JenL?

Can you PM me on more info on this? I wonder if that's regional or statewide?

In the state, the rule is 12 months OR significant contact. Some counties will not consider all their lives or half their lives or whatever from foster parents. For example, I've had my foster daughter for 10 months. That is over half her life. Circumstances about her history suggest it isn't in her best interest to move. Additionally, she is supposed to go to fictive kin in another state with whom she's had limited contact (set up by me). But the county she is from will only entertain foster parents intervening after 12 months. Anyway, but the OP, it sounds like, has more than 12 months. It is costly though. And it does possibly come with consequences (for example, if she is back in care two months down the line, you want them to call YOU not the next person on the list!). In our case, I just wish that everyone, even ANYONE, involved would see what everyone else who has heard about our situation has seen and simply do what is in her best interests. If it was about ME, I'd do just like I've done with every other kid who has left our home and cry and move on. But this is about HER. Why won't anyone think of what is best for HER?It is a hard decision, intervening is...I wish you the best.

Hello everyone. Its been a year since my last post. I post now with a very heavy heart and a stolen soul. They took our little diva the day before Thanksgiving, 2013. Its been 6 months. My husband and I are torn to pieces. The CPS worker told us the day she was taking diva that she could arrange some visits with us and baby girl because the other foster parent of the the older kids get visits. CPS worker totally cut us off and there were never any visits. I'm so drown in guilt I can barely function in everyday life. I feel like I've let her down. I told her I'd be there for her always. They sent the 5 oldest home because they said they wanted to go. They sent our girl to them as well because she couldn't speak for herself. There are 2 in the middle that didn't have to go home because they said no. There are still visits with them. Our little girls case has since been closed. YEs, we did go to a lawyer and got a credit card to pay for all the fees but lawyer said we don't have much of a case. we are in the worst area for fostering. They send these kids home with people they shouldn't all the time. I apologize if I'm all over the place. The mind isn't what it once was. I sleep all day and have gained weight. Cant control my diabetes. The docs have tried me on several different meds to try and combat my depression to no avail. Her room is still as she left it with her Christmas presents in there. Lawyer advised us to contact the cps worker at Christmas time to try and get a visit to give diva her presents, she ignored all emails our agency sent. We are staying licensed to foster without actually taking in kids in hopes of diva coming back into care. I know that sounds horrible. I just feel something wrong went on here. About 6 months before they removed her from us, the cps worker was getting really friendly with bio parents, bio parents she use to put down and intentionally not tell when visits were because she said it was useless. I'm scared for diva. She was raised in a clean environment, with her own space and free to be herself. now she's in a dirty environment with 5 other kids, no space to herself and never free to be herself. They laugh at her when she cry's and don't understand her "eccentric-ness". I've taken a newspaper delivery job because I cant be around people but need the money. I go the store very early in the morning in hopes of not running into people I know or children. I cant handle it. I've broken down in stores so many times people probably think I'm insane.

I am so sorry. What area of Texas are you in? :(

I'm sorry. I about cried throughout your post. I really have struggled losing monkey when I know it hurt her (she has been getting attachment therapy but why did they have to hurt her by moving her in the first place?). My children speak of her daily. I love her with all my heart and wish I could have protected her. Obviously I can't really help you. I'm so sorry you are going through this knowing her best interest hasn't been served. The best we can do is pray for them and hope they find us one day. Hopefully Diva and Monkey can have really good lives despite what has happened to them.

I'm sorry. I about cried throughout your post. I really have struggled losing monkey when I know it hurt her (she has been getting attachment therapy but why did they have to hurt her by moving her in the first place?). My children speak of her daily. I love her with all my heart and wish I could have protected her. Obviously I can't really help you. I'm so sorry you are going through this knowing her best interest hasn't been served. The best we can do is pray for them and hope they find us one day. Hopefully Diva and Monkey can have really good lives despite what has happened to them.

JenL, I understand. I have been there. A 10-month-old baby was placed with us almost seven years ago as a pre-adoptive placement. DCF said it was a slam-dunk for TPR. (BPs had boatloads of issues.) Nine months later, the judge ruled against DCF and our baby -- our first child and the center of my universe -- was RUed to BPs he had never lived with. We tried to fight, but to no avail. He went to a horrible situation and we didn't see him again for almost FOUR YEARS (despite multiple efforts). Then, one day, we got a call to foster him and his brother. Our baby was then 5 years old. He didn't remember us. He stayed with us for six months and then was RUed again. Then came back into foster care nine months later and we fought DCF to have him placed with us -- and they said no. Then, just a few months ago, they called to see if we'd be interested in taking him and his brother (because the FPs they were placed with are disrupting). He has now been in and out of foster care for his entire 8 years of life. Thanks to that, he now has issues and behaviors that require him and his brother to be the only children in the home. So we had to say no. Because, you see, in those intervening years we adopted two other children. After we lost our first baby, I thought my life was over. And it was... for about nine months. But with therapy and medication and time, the hurt eventually got less. And when we were placed with our second child I learned that I could love another child just as much. Although my two (adopted) kids don't replace the one I lost, they helped heal my heart. And with every passing year, the pain got less. I tell you all of this to say: 1. You never know what will happen and your kiddo may eventually find her way back to you. And that can be both a blessing and a curse because she may not be the same child who left. 2. Don't stop your life waiting for #1 to happen. Keep trying drugs, doctors, therapy, whatever to get yourself healed. Perhaps consider another child. And know that time will help, too. Hang in there -- sending lots of virtual hugs!!

Our agency is awesome and is looking out for her. If she comes back into care, we will know and if cps doesn't send her our way lawyer told us to let him know and he will go to court to get her moved to us. We will never get over this and it was the most traumatic experience of my life. Something I realized recently, when we went into fostering, we did it to start a family. That was the wrong mindset to have going into fostering, even if it is foster to adopt. You have to go into to help kids and hope for adoption but know that your just there to help the kids. I'm thinking of starting to take in infant boy respite soon. I just want the hubby and I to be on the same page. He's one of the hubbys that will do anything to make his wife happy even if he's hurting. I need to know hes ok with it too. I don't think I'm completely okay yet, so the respite is a good start. And I'm going to tell agency to keep an eye for infant boy that's clear for adoption. I'm not going to work with the same county that diva is in UNLESS its for her though. and jillianh, we are in the Rio Grande Valley. And Hidalgo county is the WORST place for foster children. The system is over run and they don't help the kids very well. My story isn't the only one, obviously. But 8 kids, and a record of over 10 years in the system, these kids should have been tpr'd LONG LONG ago. So far, today, its been an okay day. But I don't write any of this to get attention for myself, I want you all to pray and all that for my little baby girl. And I want to help by sharing my story. Hopefully, this is just the interlude in the middle to a happy ending.

That's appalling. I'm in SC and am aware of kids that have visits still, and parents still promising RU after over 3 years. We are going on 4 years now with some of these kiddos. And their siblings have all been adopted. I am so so sorry you are heartbroken. You have every right to be. You have every right to be angry. I am pissed off for you!

So sorry to hear about your loss. I actually foster in the same region (11) in TX as you but I'm in a different county. I remember your story from the very beginning. The system is particularly screwed up in our region. I actually prefer to take kids from counties other than my own b/c CPS here is so unethical. You should take all the time you need to grieve your loss, but please, try to keep moving forward. I know from experience that holding onto the past and hoping they come back to you only makes the hurt last longer. Don't isolate yourself, you need connections with others even if they know nothing of what you've been through. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat or vent. I'd be happy to be a shoulder for you to lean on in this difficult time.

skylark_25, Its good to know theres others on here that understand how messed up the CPS is here. I'm not from Hidalgo county. And Im not going to work with them again UNLESS its for my diva baby. I don't think we are ready. the thing is, we will never really be ready. Thanks everyone for the support. I hope you all have better luck then us.