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background - 3 years in to an OA out of foster care.. my AD is also my second cousin. I am not related to her BM
Our last visit was the first at T (the BM's) house. It was ok, except someone i didn't approve of (OA says i have to approve any attendees.. this was a corner case as this guy lives in her flop house) said inappropriate things about how attractive my 8 year old daughter was
As a result, I've refused to have future visits at their home.
T has been trying every way around this.. What if we ban him form being there during the visit..? but its too cold to be in the park in Nov and Chuck E Cheese is too noisy.. She's broke and doesn't have money to the visit, etc, etc
She has written back twice to request I ask J where she'd like to go. Now, keep in mind, J hasn't lived in that town since she was 5 and doesn't know whats available.. if she did, she's not capable of managing the - easily accessible for someone who lost her license, indoors, and free requirements
I caught myself googling "free family events in CITY on Nov X", getting frustrated that I couldn't solve her problem. I stopped, wrote back and explained that J doesn't care.
i got one more grumble, but I'm not giving in.
On a good note, T knows better than to push me
On a bad note, its starting to be clear that she'll never grow up :p
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Hold your ground Momma :) I get nastly messages on FB stating I'm ruining our daughters life, I'm the reason she's where she is...that our daughter will know the "real" truth when she's older blah blah blah. Lucky to find the "delete" button! LMAO Don't let her manipulate you. If she can't abide by the OA then don't allow visits. Tell her to pick a place and her only. Tell her you won't go anywhere besides what you agree on. If you go to the bmoms home and someone shows up that isn't supposed to be there terminate the visit and leave. Let bmom know that beforehand so she's aware. Gosh I feel for you! I'm so glad we don't have an OA or I'd probably have killed bmom by now (Just kidding!) LOL
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I know exactly how you feel! Ours isn't an open adoption, but I adopted my grandsons so both parents expect visits even though it is my choice to allow them. The boys were 7 and 10 at the time of the adoption so they still have times they want to see them. I made rules about not showing up high, not bringing certain people, etc. and mom and dad both break them and lose visits for months at a time. They never learn. I explain to the boys when this happens so they know why I am not allowing visits. Sometimes I even have to stop phone calls for a few weeks. It's frustrating and I would love to move away and not look back but I know the boys don't want that. I feel for ya!
Thanks Ladies! :grouphug:
We spent the visit day putting together a huge lego kit and planning for our upcoming trip (holiday with family, followed by santa's village)
T has been sniffing around - letting me know she's still sick, but getting better.. Reminding me she is ready to visit after the holiday weekend
I'm not responding until we get back.
Bio mom and bio dad had 4 children. We had all 4 for a year and half they wanted us to adopt the two youngest. Took older two back. We have bounced them around for 2 yrs. Not my choice. Thanksgiving day bio dad half brother overdosed and died. They called and ask us to take other two for weekend of course we did. When they get in car with us they start talking to our babies. Oldest says SHE (refering to me) is NOT your MOMMY and your name is----- not ----- how can I get you to understand this! I know it didnt come from child but bio then the put obit in paper and listed our babies as if they had them using former names I have had it and blocked her on facebook and my phone and cell phone....any advice?