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Ok, I'm seriously considering just flat-out STOPPING our adoption process, and we haven't even finished our homestudy yet. :(
We looked into foreign adoption, but wanted to vomit at the fact that we were literally told we would need to duct tape at least $10,000 to our bodies and fly to Russia and use the cash to give to the foreign authorities to "process our adoption in a timely fashion" STOPPED.
We looked into adopting from fostercare, but were told to stop by our agency because "there are no "good kids" under the age of 5 available, even if we looked nationwide. They of course told us this AFTER we paid 1/2 of our homestudy fees up front to them and they let us sign up with them based on the fact that we wanted public adoption under the age of 5. STOPPED.
Above mentioned agency advised us to do newborn adoption, based on the above, but then said they would refuse to do business with us when we told them we would only accept situations where BM expenses were not requested by BM. PENDING STOP
At this point, I'm looking into other agencies to determine if they can at least considering taking us for any situations that do not require BM expenses.
I guess I'm just super frustrated and venting. Even if just we finish our homestudy with our current agency, I just don't see this whole thing actually coming to a conclusion. I think we'd end up one of those couples waiting for 10+years with no kid at the end of the day...
I'm sure when I post this I will get blasted with a bunch of "BM's are entitled to expenses" posts. That's not what this post is about. I just needed to vent, please understand. Thx.
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Actually, I don't think you'll get a bunch of "birthmothers are entitled to expenses" posts at all. You'll get people who paid them, and people who refused to. And people who think that the practice of paying birthmother expenses is not ethical, for a number of reasons. I don't think I've ever heard a single soul here on a.com take the position that position that birthmothers are entitled to expenses. I've seen many here who take the reverse position. But, I'm not around here too much anymore, so I guess someone could prove me wrong. :)
It doesn't seem quite right how much money changes hands in the varying forms of private adoption. You are not alone in your frustration there.
As for the difficulty of the process, I think it has to be, because it needs to be about providing homes for children, and not the reverse. Where all the money comes in is when the focus is on doing the reverse.
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I am blown away that you were required to pay money to get a homestudy for foster-adopt!
What about just fostering with the hopes that eventually, a child will stay forever? Do you think that is an option for your family? Sounds like the least amount of headache, especially if you have private agencies charging you $$ for foster-adopt homestudies. Ugh.
Emom expenses...we paid them in our failed adoption and I really wish we hadn't for several reasons. I won't go through everything there but just wanted to tell you that whatever you're comfortable with is fine and you don't have to feel like you have to explain.
Have you looked into foster-to-adopt through the state, or do they make you contract with a private company?
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