Teenagers are so difficult

I'm sorry. I know that's really hard. I put my mom through hell several times.Have you tried asking her what about her old life she wants back? It might open up a more productive conversation. Is this just anger speaking? Or does she feel that her previous life is all she deserves, all she's fit for?I'm curious is the tutoring at school or at a different location? The reason I ask is, will everyone at school know or is it possible for her to hide it from her friends? Part of the anger may be from embarrassment.Also, I would have to wonder if she's feeling insecure, and maybe thinking that she's not worth more than what she had before. I know I struggled with feelings of abadonment and rejection due to my early childhood. That was much worse during my teenage years. It's really hard not to think that you are the reason that your parents had issues. Even if you know intellectually that's not true, your heart will tell you time and time again that it must be your fault. I don't know how you had the conversation about tutoring, but if you don't have her buy in , it will be a waste of money. When you are both calm, maybe you can start a conversation about why her grades are down and why it matters. Then ask her what she thinks would help her best succeed. I know you've probably already done this, but it might help to try it again after she's had some time to calm down and think about things.In the end, she's at an age where she's starting to make her own choices. The best you can do is try to give her the tools to make good ones. Good luck.

Gosh I'm so sorry to see you going thru this! My 18 yr old daughter (bio daughter) was very similar, rebelious teen whom sqeeked by in HS and I was worried about her. All you can do is try and steer her in the right direction and when you see something she does positively then reward it. Try not to focus on the negatives too much. I know it's hard. Our daughter at 18 decided to move out with her boyfriend and now comes back regretting alot of stuff she did. I think she won't completely get it til she's 25 or so :) But moving out was the best thing for her to make her realize she had it pretty darn good here. Now our 13 yr old daughter (adopted niece) is completely different. She excels in school...loves the positive attention I give her for good grades (she's A, B student). She does make bad choices due to her past abuse but has gotten alot better at it. We have her in extensive counseling with an abuse counselor whom she absolutely loves. Have you thought about counseling? She may have some issues she needs to address in private to learn to make better choices. When they become teenagers they are stuck between wanting to be a child and wanting to make their own choices and have space. Trying to find a happy medium and letting them fall sometimes is hard. Sometimes kids get misguided and need help finding their way and an impartial person can help. I wish I had done that with my older daughter...she had some counseling for awhile but we could never find a great counselor like my younger duaghter has.

I'm sorry, BUT, it's normal :) it has nothing to do with being adopted, it's a 'dream' of 'if I could be THERE, I could do whatever I want!!' kind of thing.... my DD is not adopted, but her father and I were divorced when she was 5. When she was a teen, and didn't agree with my or DH's rules, HER responds was also: I'm moving back to DAD!!! yeah, OK, lol I would just let her rant, KNOWING it will get better when she is older. (I knew her 'dad' didn't want her... he didn't even let her come visit over the summer month... it was terrible.. he passed away 4 years ago.) Teens are HARD!!! bio, adopted, whatever... they KNOW how to push our buttons! hang in there, it will get better.

It pushes my buttons and she knows it. The grass is always greener on the other side. Although she is the oldest and remembers everything, every once in a while she'll say something like "They had no right to take me away from my Mom," etc. It is just hard because our whole families' life changed when we added three more kids. It has been 4.5 years. Sometimes I feel like she uses this as a crutch because we should feel bad for her and give her special treatment. My friends don't have to get their sister's clothes out for school. My friends don't have chores etc. But we all had to adjust, you know? Her dad (my brother) has been in and out of prison since they were placed with us and her mother sees them once a month and leaves EARLY every visit. She idealizes her Mom and everything is her Dad's and (now our) fault. She is a really great kid and I love her. But her therapist said early on that we shouldn't expect the same relationship with her that we have with her sisters. So, she was was thinking along these lines then, long before she expressed it to us. She doesn't like therapy. She feels the therapist is intruding and won't open up. She has gained a lot of weight in the past few months. She doesn't leave the house and begins screaming at everyone the minute she comes home from school. I am trying to get her on medication for depression. But her therapist (it is really just councelling sp) doesn't have a prescribing doctor and no one will prescribe unless she attends therapy with their group. I hope she grows up to realize like dmariehill that we love her and everything my husband and I do is to keep us all together.

Yes the grass is always greener on the other side, because thats where the septic tank is. Our DD is 13 and is starting to make little comments about staying with her biomom as well. To add fuel to the fire biomom is carrying a little girl and DD has wanted a sister for years (only brothers here). Sadly I have to agree that some of it is normal. Our kids just have more buttons to push because when the normal teen *I hate my life* stuff starts they think they have an option of another life to choose. In reality my DD is disgusted at the way her biomom lives and the baby will likely be removed because of it, but boy does she know which buttons to push when she is upset :grr: