Foster Adopt vs Private Adoption

We wanted a baby, pure and simple. We wanted the baby to be "ours" from the beginning. We had the cash. Private domestic was definitely the way to go. Foster-adopt is such an extra high and low emotional roller coaster that I wouldn't hesitate to do private adoption if wanting to be a parent forever is at the top of your list.Good luck with whatever you choose.

The adoption road is not easy and will be a long wait unless you get lucky if you want a baby. Would you rather go through a pregnancy with a mom that can change her mind after the baby is born and take that risk again if it falls through or have kids in your home that you get attached to that can be moved? With foster care you will help kids along the way... I know people who did private domestic and went through several pregnancies before adopting, and I know people who got a baby within a few months. There are foster parents that wait years to adopt and some that get placed with an adoption placement right away. I would recommend going to orientation for a couple of hours so that you can get an idea of what you would be getting yourself into with foster to adopt. There are also age limits in different states that you have to be under 40 and there is no limit in foster care.

We have done both. 6 foster kids came and went over a period of about 5 years. Then came a newborn daughter through a private agency. A year later, J and B came to us at 5 and 6 yrs old. They were still foster kids but the goal was adoption. It took 10 months to terminate parental rights but there was never really any question. Our baby boy was a miracle Safe Haven baby (abandoned at the hospital) We finalized his adoption at 7 months old !!:clap: These are rare. Your best bet is to talk with a case worker in your area. Every area does things a little differently and have different ages of kids etc. (for example, our region has a lot of younger kids taken into care, and therefore, more little ones needing permanent homes) We have gotten calls about newborns, toddlers, sibling groups with two kids under two years old etc. Some states insist that you foster first, others will only certify you for one or the other, other states do dual certification where you are certified to foster and/or adopt. You can't know until you ask. There is no commitment made in asking questions or even taking the classes. They are free ;) I personally would encourge people to take the risk and foster...you will most definately end up adopting eventually and I have never, ever, ever regreted fostering the kids that did not stay. I love them forever, even if they are not mine forever. It has changed my view adoption entirely. It isn't about finding a child for a couple who is childless, that's just a really great bonus! The real goal is to find families for children who need them. Seems simple, but it took me a long time to really grasp that concept. :o

And BTW, I SO don't get why people say international adoption is EASIER than foster care adoption!?!?!? There is much more paperwork, the cost is 20k plus, compared to FREE, the children speak another language, they have typically lived in very poor conditions, you are dealing with a foreign country, there are cultural differences, you really only know what the orphanage tells you, you usually don't get to meet your child before committing to adopt them, you have to navigate a foreign court system and on and on. Then there is the myth that foster kids have so many "issues" and you will somehow avoid that by adopting internationally.:confused: :confused: I think it is wonderful that people go through all of this for a child!! Children in other countries do not have the resources and services available to them like our kids do here in the U.S, so it is especially LIFE SAVING to adopt internationally. But, easier?, NO!

AND Private adoption can be just as much an emotional roller coaster. Some friends of ours were matched THREE times with expectant moms who decided to parent. They were having a girl, then a boy, then a girl...It took them 2 years to finally get a placement. It was a baby girl who was already born and in a "holding" home ;) Totally worth it, but not easy.

Have done both...well hopefully we will adopt our fd... Definite advantages and disadvantages to both processes. Since you are open to non infants, at least explore the fc adoption options where you live. Best to you!

First of all, I want to commend you on choosing domestic adoption!I may look like the bad guy, but I just wanted to bring something up about private vs. foster to adopt....There is a big misconception in the general publics view that if adopted as a newborn infant you somehow have all the information and history and none of the "baggage" that comes from a foster child. This is very much inaccurate. Let me give you a bit of my own history as an example.My sister and I wereboth adopted through a private agency as newborns. My sister was a presumed healthy baby, but later had severe developmental delays and learning disabilities. The doctors believe that her bio mom abused drugs and alcohol in her first trimester, before she went to live at the maternity home. Her bio mom was 16 so she likely lied on her application. I on the other hand had severe attachment and abandonment issues that I struggled with until my late teens....i was a dream child but a god awful pre teen and teen. We had fantastic parents, had nice things, lots of love....but they were in no way prepared for the challenges that they had.My husband on the other hand dealt with years of abuse from his father, then his mother passed when he was 12. He was a ward of the state and was in a kinship care situation with an aunt he didnt know. He had no abandonment or attachment issues, never got in trouble, and after some counselinb for the loss of his mother had no issues.I say this simply to let you know that no matter what you choose, please know that a childs history does not always define them and getting an infant at birth does not guarantee no issues. I encourage you to look at both options, and chat with both a foster to adopt and private agency. Its really more about what you are comfortable with. God will send your child to you one way or another...its just figuring out the right path to take! Good luck on your journey!

We wondered for a while which way we should go and decided to foster with the state. Make sure to let them know you will adopt if the children come up for adoption. They were the first ones to contact me back and I have a great worker. There are all ages that come in our area and a lot of local foster parents have adopted. Even if your first couple placements dont stay at least you get experience and have kids in the house, and most importantly these kids need someone who can love them when they have no one else!

The fact is with private domestic adoption versus adoption through the state or foster adopt, it really matters what state you are in. Private Domestic adoption is just as permanent as international adoption, when done right. You just get on for the ride at an earlier stage than an international adoption. There are many agencies that still offer closed infant adoption. There are many more agencies that offer semi open (photos and letters for a period of time after birth). In private domestic adoption, anything other than a new born is rare. With a budget similar to what a Russian Adoption would be, you will not have any issues finding a private domestic agency. If you agree to accept matches with babies born exposed to alcohol and drugs (which I assume is a risk with a Russian adoption), your wait should be reasonable, unless you are older than 40. If you already have a homestudy for a Russian Adoption, it can be easily transferred to a private domestic adoption homestudy. With adoption through the state, like I said, it does vary by state but as a general rule, single children under age 8 are not available for adoption. Depending on what state/county/city you live in, adoption of a young child after first fostering may be virtually gauranteed or may take several years of placements that go home to parents or to relatives. I always tell people, it is a very hard road when you are dying for a child. It is one I do not think I would have been strong enough to take before my son came to me through private domestic adoption. Some states you choose to be foster, foster/adopt or straight foster. Others they call everyone straight foster. THere are a lot more hoops to jump through for foster/adopt and your homestudy would likely not be transferable. I hope some of that helps.

Yup! The bio for our foster baby led some adoption agency on, having them believe she would give them her baby, all while they paid her room and board. I felt so sorry for them...but now here the baby will be adopted through foster care. OP I would ask other BTDT foster parents in your area how typical it is to get a baby placement. Don't call the agencies up b/c they all lie and say the same thing, that babies are ''rare''. Take my state Az for instance, there are ALWAYS babies needing placed, and half of them get adopted by their foster families, or they get adopted from another foster/adopt family. If your state is similar, I'd say stick with FC, but let your worker know you only want legally free or babies of moms who've already lost custody of their other children.

DH and I had this exact conversation before going the foster route. To me I really wanted to help some kids that needed it. I know our forever kids will find us and in the mean time we have the blessing to help the little ones who need us. As much of a rollercoaster as foster care is We do not regret our decision at all. Good Luck

Personally, if I had no children already and really wanted one, I could not take the way they do fostering in my area. There is no "fostering to adopt". All young children are technically "concurrent" placements where they want you to support reunification as the primary, family placement as secondary and if all else fails, be willing to adopt the child. We are on our fifth placement in two years and don't know if we'll get to adopt our current placement yet. We've had many since birth and it is difficult sending them off to less than stellar situations. I do love what I do, but it is the hardest thing I will ever do. Now, your area could be different and they could have quite a few situations regularly where babies/toddlers are on their way to adoption and need to be moved to a foster/adopt home from a straight fostering. I'd totally recommend that. Still some risk, but probably less than other options these days. That just doesn't happen in my area so it is important to find out how things are done where you are. Unless a program like that, I would not recommend fostering as a means to adoption for your first child unless you are completely okay with loving a child for months, possibly years and having to say good bye.

We personally felt that we could help children by giving them a loving hime, and we feel that someday we will be expanding our family through fostering. At least we hope to. Originally we were leaning towards pure adoption from FC, but I think the easiest transition for a child would be to be placed with us, then if they can't be RU, to stay with us. It's risky and we sacrifice a lot of control, but they keye thing for us is that we're doing what we feel is best for the child or children, not what's best for us. I personally have some ethical issues with the business of infant domestic adoption, but I also already have children, so that's probably why it's easier to skip the "for sure" route and take the risky path to hopefully adopt someday.

I would agree with the PP that you should check out the foster-to-adopt in your area. Talk with various agencies and the state workers. My agency would not tell you that babies are rare, in fact they have said that in our area, which is a major city, babies are very available. My agency is pushing for families who want infants to be available for emergency/high risk placement, because more and more of these are leading to adoption. My FD came to me as an emergency placement five months ago (she was one of four emergency infant placements the CPS worker who brought her to me was making that weekend), no family involvement, the plan from the first Family Meeting has been non-relative adoption and we have a TPR court date in February. If I waited for the legally free child I would not have this precious little one with me now. After having her I can totally see how we could foster only while looking for the perfect family (if it is not us), while we are looking for our next forever child. Would it be easy, NO, but after meeting with other families waiting for their legally free child(ren) I can see how helping them find their family would work. Of course I would support RU if that is what is truly best for the child. My agency encouraged me to be open to younger children, initially I was only open to preschool, young school age children, but was convinced to be open to younger, as this is where the greatest need was and being a foster to adopt home I would have first choice to adopt any child(ren) that come into my home. I am so glad that I agreed with her assessment otherwise I would have been available to take a newborn straight from the hospital.

The thing is, they aren't very comparable. Most people dont look into international adoption for older kids but if you are looking to adopt a school aged kid or a child of any age with *significant* special needs I dare say its a LOT easier to adopt domestically and not go through all the international red tape. If you want a baby or toddler though, that is another story. You've already gone over why it can be harder to adopt internationally, but in one major way it's easier. With international adoption you wait in line and eventually get your turn, you may wait 6 months, a year or several years depending on the country, but you can be pretty confident that you will eventually get a baby. Domestically, you have to wait to be picked, honestly you could NEVER get picked. They don't care how long you've been waiting, they look for the best family for the baby. You could luck out and get chosen first time around or you could deal with MANY rejections, which is not easy for anyone but especially hard those who desperately want a baby and don't know if they will ever get one. If money isn't an issue, I don't understand why anyone would choose to adopt domestically over internationally UNLESS you are willing to foster first and be able to support RU or you live in one of those US cities that happens to have an abundance of littles who are TPR'd early on. There is absolutely NO shortage of US families willing to adopt a baby from foster care, even babies that moderate-severe special needs (the only babies who linger on the photo listing sites have major special needs that require lifelong total care) but there are babies worldwide living in deplorable conditions who need someone to go through that international red tape. For example, a *baby* who is HIV +, CP , Down syndrome or who has a heart condition can pretty easily be adopted in the US but not so much internationally. Most people shelling out all that money for a baby want a mostly healthy baby (which I do understand). Even my older boys and their brother had no trouble finding an adoptive home here (7, 10 and 12 yo and they sound pretty scary on paper!) ive inquired on kids here in the US and not even made the short list, these are kids who would be available to adopt immediately overseas because no one else "wants" them. I honestly don't get why so many people are offended when people choose to adopt internationally (nobody here said that, I'm on a tangent ;)) because those who flock to Ethiopia or China or whatever are normally after BABIES or toddlers who do NOT have major special needs and we just don't have a huge need for those adoptive parents here while the other countries desperately do.