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What if you did suffer a bad childhhood yourself as a foster parent, or.experimented briefly with durgs in your twenties? Will we be judged by the case workek in our home study? AND not qualify for that reason?
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I think what is asked all depends on the state.
We were given one form to fill out asking all kind of very personal stuff about our past and present sex life. How old were we the 1st time we had sex. Etc etc etc.
Very invasive questions about past drug use, even with no convictions.
Past and present alcohol use.
Does any of this apply to any other family members and if so they wanted names.
Pornography use.
Asked about how your relationship was with each of your parents, grandparents and siblings.
Wanted to know who (mom or dad) doled out the discipline, what kind and what we thought of the type of discipline we received.
This isn't even the half of it! One out the forms I filled out was so invasive I was tempted to refuse. Many of the questions brought back memories of my childhood that I've put behind me and really didn't want to revisit!
So, I guess it all depends on your state. I would think the same goes for their acceptance of your answers.
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A good agency won't judge you for what happened to you or what you couldn't control in your childhood. Really show them how it molded you and taught you how to be a better parent. If they deny you then it probably isn't an agency you would want to work with anyways.
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Wow those are seriously invasive. We are goung through county. Did you all go through agencies? What areas?
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Lilia32
Wow those are seriously invasive. We are goung through county. Did you all go through agencies? What areas?
We are thru the state. That was just a very small sample of what we had to answer. I wasn't real comfortable with the questions to say the least!
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I just did my home study and my case worker and I decided I was a "goody goody" during my childhood. The main reason for the invasive questions is to ensure that any issues you had during childhood have been resolved. If you were abused, they want to make sure that you have gone to counseling or have dealt with it appropriately. If you were a druggie, they want to make sure that you are clean. The goal is to ensure that the home the child is coming into is better than the one they have been removed from. Just answer honestly and explain if neeeded
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We were told it was no what happened in our childhood that was important, but how we dealt with it and got past it in our adult lives. We were told the same thing about stupid mistakes as very young adults as long those things did not involve crimes against children, tht was a deal breaker no matter the age.
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No, that won't matter. In fact, I believe that overcoming some adversities may actually benefit you as a foster parent. I admitted to having alcoholic parents who were mentally and sometimes physically abusive. My husband had a much more traditional childhood. Now, I can say that I cut my parents out because of their destructive behavior and that also helped.
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No perfection here either.
They explored certain questions further.
They left most of it alone.
We did have a question or two I handled with the worker rather than on paperwork.
If there is further question, you may need to visit a professional for documentation.
Here is a blog post that addresses this some: [url=http://thesartorseven.com/2013/02/03/they-should-make-people-get-a-license-to-have-kids/]“They should make people get a license to have kids” | Chasing Fireflies[/url]
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MountainMommy
No, that won't matter. In fact, I believe that overcoming some adversities may actually benefit you as a foster parent.
I agree with this. They really want to know that you have resolved any issues from this, but they aren't necessarily looking for someone with a perfect past. For example, several members of my family live with mental illness. Our SW actually considered that a plus, since she assumed we would have more compassion and understanding for bio parents with mental health issues.
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As for the experimenting with drugs in your 20's, I can only imagine how a homestudy will be handled in Colorado now that pot is legal at the state level.
If a person had a regularly abusive childhood AND was more than once sexually abused, the CW would (and should) seriously look into that.
Also, one of the most abused drugs in America is Oxycodone and the like. I've never seen a CW ask to see prescription logs or pharmacy records to find out how much pain killers a potential foster home worker had consumed.
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I thought there were a few questions on our homestudy about "intimate" things that were invasive. I mean, really, who cares how I felt about sex as a teen???
I don't think a rough childhood will cause any problems, but drug use could (and should). If you were a drug addict at 21 and want to foster children at 25, personally I don't think that would be enough time to risk a childs well-being. OTOH, if you abused drugs at 18 and want to foster children at 35 and have been clean all those years then I don't think it will matter much. My husband had a DUI many, many years ago (before we were together) and was asked about it during both homestudies. However, since the DUI he had graduated college with a 4.0, married and had children, commissioned an officer in the military, and completely quite drinking. It was obvious that the years had "matured" him and he was very unlikely to repeat that mistake.
All that to say: I would be open about it and they will probably ask more questions about it. All of us have skeletons in the closet. :woohoo:
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So will they hold it against us if we don't have much drama? We are very blessed which actually drove part of our decision to foster.
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dogmom814
So will they hold it against us if we don't have much drama? We are very blessed which actually drove part of our decision to foster.
NO!!! lol
all they are looking for is honesty, good, bad, ugly, but it has to be honest. They will ask how you would handle certain situations, what kind of punishment you would use (time out, time in, etc etc ), but they are not LOOKING for drama!!
sure, if there was 'drama', then they want to know how you are thinking about it now, how you would handle the same situation now, as a grown up, but, if there was none, well, that's ok too :)
I was never hit, ever, by my parents... that sure didn't make them 'suspicious' towards me :) they asked, HOW my parents disciplined us, and I told them the truth, my mom would send us in our room, and once we were done raging, or fighting, we had to knock on the door, say I'm sorry, and that was that. Nothing was ever re-hashed for 'when dad comes home', mom took care of it, and that was the end of it.
my childhood was safe, stable and happy, and that's ok :)
they did not try to 'dig for dirt' were there was none, if that answers your question :)
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Thank you AMom. That makes me feel so much better. My mom did the same - sent us to ours rooms but we didn't have those discussions like we were trained to do either. So that will be different from my childhood.
We are so close! Just want to start helping.
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I don't know about your state , or how the foster parents system is. But if you have closed minded CW's yes. But in some places you stand a chance, as long as it didn't involve children , and how long ago you were in trouble. They go back 28 years in NY, The child hating and adoption state.
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