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One of the great things about adopting an older (6 yo) is that she was able to remember and articulate a lot of their past and their feelings about the adoption process. As we were going through the process we wondered a lot about what she was thinking...
- at our first meeting she was very scared. That's why she didn't want to play.
- She dreamed about us after our first visit
- She remembers all the toys we gave her and that they were all taken away
- her foster parents got drunk and hit her in the head a lot
- the caretakers at the 'detsky dom' hit her
- She asked the caretakers every day to look at the photos we left for her. The photos clearly left a very strong impression
- the food was the same every day (soup, soup, soup)
- she had to fight other kids every day
-she wanted to know why we didn't hit her when she was bad
there is a lot more she told us that is too personal and sad to share, but she loves her new home.
The thing that really impressed us was how closely she studied the photos. In retrospect, I wish we had left more for her. It seem to give her hope and comfort.
Although Russian adoption may now be lost, other IA families might wonder about this.
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We also adopted a precious DD at age 6. Over time we have learned: She failed to flush a toilet and was turned upside down in it (head first). She was kicked in the stomach once for refusing to eat something "gross." They had oatmeal/soup ever day - she didn't know what a fork was. All the gifts we brought her on trip 1 were taken away shortly after we left. Makes me grimace.Becky[url=http://thisreminds.me]This Reminds Me | "Sometimes, it's the boring stuff I remember the most. " Russell in "Up"[/url]
I've heard the same sort of stories from several other adoptive parents in private conversations. On the other hand, our daughter has mentioned people that showed kindness and caring at the children's home (they often get moved a lot, for whatever reason.) These seemed to have been younger, professional staff such as social workers associated with the home. Overall, I think these are not good places. I have a close friend from the FSU who worked in an orphanage and she says abuse is common.
I've adopted all older kids. 10 of them. Ranging in age from 3 to 11 at time of adoption. My daughter would get in trouble for trying to take the director's toilet paper... you know, the soft kind. She said the orphanage kids all had to use newspaper for toilet paper. They were kept in horrible isolation rooms when sick. I know, I visited her in one! My recent ones home peed the bed all the time at night we were told on the medicals. Turns out they were just scared as the older kids would randomly come in a beat them. With a gun. In addition, my daughter was scarred from a boy who stoned her in the face w/ a rock over and over again. Fragments still in her nose. SO many stories I've heard. My son used to be picked up by the ears. All b/c he'd want more bread at dinner. The stories I've heard would make your skin crawl. It's sad. Truly is but we move on. Let the kids talk about it, it helps them heal. BTW, mine were from Orenburg, Stavropol and Murmansk regions of Russia. Other kids were from Serbia and also Shumen & Kurdzhali, Bulgaria. I get aggravated when people say they're better off in orphanages. Clearly, they are not.
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