Finding the right words

I can recommend a great book I got for our daughter (bioniece) when we adopted her: God Gave us You by Lisa Tawn Bergen (Age range is 3 and up)It might open up communication and he may have questions later on about it all. I know now he's quite small to understand alot of it but the book I found was great for our daughter to understand. Also, best advice is age appropriate stuff. As he asks questions you can answer them at his age so he understands. Then when he gets older to understand choices then you can explain that the choices his parents made in regards to keeping him safe caused you to have to step in to protect him. I talk to our daughter (who was 7 when she moved here but is now 13) about choices all the time. She understands her bioparents made some terrible choices in regards to her however that doesn't mean they don't love her or that they are bad people..they are just people that made bad choices. That way I'm not bashing her bioparents and she's learning about making good choices. Also be there when the questions come out to answer them honestly. If you don't know the answer say you don't know.

Thanks a bunch!! We had a visit yesterday, it went very well. The caseworker told me that bio mom had wrote a couple letters to pass along to him and us. We will read the letter to him when he is old enough to understand. Like you said, its all about making choices. Bio mom is very young and made some bad choices. And, we are stepping in to protect him. Thanks again for the tips. Between your advice and the letters, I feel much more confident

I think the most important thing at this age is introducing the topic of adoption and starting to create a language/conversation for him so that as he has questions and/or thoughts about his own experience, you will already be talking about it. Todd Parr has several great books. "We Belong Together" is all about adoption. "It's okay to be Different" and "The Family Book" also touch on adoption. There are also some good books that are about adoption from foster care. "Zachary's New Home" and "A Mother for Chocco" are both great. Good luck.

My kids love "A Mother for Choco". They are fascinated about when they were babies. Their favorite book is "The Night You Were Born". It's not adoption related but they love it. It celebrates the night they were born and how special they are. Do you have a good enough relationship with his bio mom to get some pictures of when he was an infant? My kids love their baby pictures. I have quite a few because I spent quite a bit of time with them except for the last few months before they were taken into care. I have an album with a bunch of precious pics including their bio mom, bio dad, and grandparents. I'm glad you have those letters. I have all the letters from their bio mom she wrote us. Someday they will be precious to them. It is very difficult to explain. Right now, since their mother relinquished so we could adopt voluntarily, I tell them she was not ready to be a parent to any child so she asked us to be their parents. Slowly, they will get their whole story. Recently, she promised them they would see her at their brother and sister's birthday party and she didn't come. They are angry, saying she lied. It's tough. They have not seen her in five months. Relative adoption, whether there is contact or no contact is both a tremendous blessing and an extra amount of heartache.

YES that is the one I couldn't think of. It was a great one too!

I do not have a relationship with bio mom at all. In fact, I've never met her. And, for safety reasons they are not telling her where they are placing him. So, i don't know if i will be able to get a hold of some baby pics. I might be able to contact the adoption worker about it. Those books sound great, and i think they will help!! Also..... Tell me what you think about this.... We are in process of visitations. The foster family just had their 14 day meeting and were denied again. The recommendation is going to be back from Lansing within the next couple months and he will be placed with us as soon as that happens. I made him a backpack, with a blanket that i made inside of it, a couple toys, and a photo album of our family. The photo album has everyone listed as... Mom and Dad, brothers and sisters... All of that. But, the adoption worker won't let us give it to him yet. She is in process of looking it over with her supervisor.... I can't help but think that with the foster family being upset about us getting him is to blame for it. I could be way off though. But, i feel that the sooner they start preparing him for the move the smoother the transition. What's your thoughts?

About the book idea. I think it's a good idea but not with "labels" on it. If I got that it would make me think you are expecting the child to automatically fit into your mold (IE: Call you mom, dad, etc...). It's nice to show the child where they will live and with whom, etc...but not indicating specifics. Transitions are hard on everyone. Our daughters previous FP's made her's hard on her with constant phone calls when she moved here, etc...It was hard for them to let go. You have to do it gradually and understand the child may have a bond with the FP's too. It's hard when the FP's don't want to do it in a positive manner. Only thing you can do is reach out to them and let them know they can contact you for updates, etc... We even met up with her foster grandma when they came down to Disneyworld and we spent the day with them. It's good for the child to see you both do things in a positive manner. All I can say is try your best, expect little and be pleasantly surprised when you get more :) Good luck!

I totally understand now that you put it that way. Thanks a bunch :)