Indiana Adoption Only - NE Indiana

We were conflicted when we started out about whether to do the adopt only or foster adopt...and my worker steered us towards adopt only since that's what we really wanted to do...but when we were matched with our boys they required us to be foster/adopt so then we had to scramble to get our foster license quickly, before they could be placed. Also, it took almost a year to be matched. Every situation is different and this may not be the way it happens with you but just some things to consider. If you want children in your home in the near future, especially younger children, you may want to go ahead and think about fostering legal risk kids. This means their parents rights have not been terminated yet, but the case looks as if it will go that way. (Sometimes that can take a long time too depending on where they are at in the case and if the bio parents are putting any effort into working their plan.) Nothing is ever guaranteed though and the courts do crazy things, so you still need to be prepared to be able to let them go if the rights aren't terminated or a relative steps up to take them. If the rights are terminated, then the foster parents usually adopt them. A lot of foster kids in the system end up being adopted by their foster parents. Many of the kids that are not adopted by their foster parents have special needs or behaviours that make them harder to place.(NOT all, but MANY) I would encourage you to do alot of reading on attachment issues and behaviours so you can be better prepared for what life with some of these kids can be like. It can be a hard road, but also a very enjoyable, rewarding one. If you know what to expect before you are in the midst of it, it makes it so much easier. These kids do not usually respond well to the kinds of discipline you would normally use with bio kids because of the trauma and neglect they have experienced. I suggest reading some of the Love and Logic books as well to get some ideas on parenting that can be very helpful. Also, ask lots and lots of questions about any kids being considered for you, and if possible, once you are matched, talk with the previous foster parents...they are your BEST resource to find out what these kids are really like...and tell them you want it all..the good, the bad, AND the ugly. Also, remember that once you actually get to see the kids files (you usually just find out about the postive stuff before you see this...cute..funny..smart..etc) a lot more of the negative behaviours have made it into the kids files, and that can tend to make you hesitant, but just think about if someone wrote everything negative you did as a child and put it in a file, would some of your own behaviours make you think twice? And, these kids have a lot of valid reasons for acting out, a lot of hurt, anger, and fear that causes many of these behaviours. If I had said no to my boys because of some of the things in their file, and there were plenty of things that gave me pause...I would not be enjoying them now. That being said....DO not accept at child that you KNOW has issues or behaviours that you cannot tolerate in your home, but do question the circumstances surrounding the behaviours to make sure you have the whole story before declining. For example...one of my boys had in their file, animal cruelty, but what a found out was that is was more of a picking at/playing rough with, minor issues due to his maturity level being younger than the typical kid his age. Turns out he LOVES animals and when given the chance to be taught what is proper and what is not with each one, he is thriving with our cats and dogs and takes care of a lot of their needs..letting them out...feeding them..etc. Well, now I feel like I'm rambling on and on...so I'm going to stop here. Good luck with your journey..I'd be happy to answer anything I can for you!

P.S. Keep reading on these forums...they go back for years and I found LOTS of helpful information from reading about the experiences of many different families. It was probably the most eye opening look at the true reality of foster and adopt procedures and the behavioural issues that can effect these children and their families, and there is a lot of really, really good advice. Also, you can search on the internet for adoption blogs and read about different adoptive families, and get a partial look into some of their daily lives and experiences. Most of all...you MUST have the ability to love these children UNCONDITIONALLY. It makes a huge difference in how they connect to you.

Thank you so much for all your helpful advice and direction. We have been looking into adoption for 2-3 years now - and it has been such a difficult decision on which direction to take. We started out internationally, then decided that wasn't a good route for us. My heart is pulling for adoption, it just feels like it is something I am supposed to be doing. I do have a lot of fear - especially after reading forum, blogs, and social media about AP who have had a hard road with behavioral, medical and physchiological issues. I am scared because I hope for the best - but want to be realistic that a good majority of the children we adopt will not be an easy transition and a happy image you picture when you think of bringing a child in your home. I just went to the library and checked out a bunch of books and hope that will help me as well. We may change our mind aboiut fostering - the hardest part is I am not sure I am strong enough to take a child in then release them back to their bio parents. I think what I will do is go to the first RAPT class, and hope there are other people I can network with to help in guidance and mentor thorughout this process. It is very hard to manage expectations when it is your first time and It seems I hear a lot of conflicting views. I am going ot continue to montior this forum and hope there is a good amount of activity :)

Try not to let the difficulties presented in these forums and the books you read scare you away. There are many families who do have less issues and that's why they're not posting so much on here. These forums are for when people need somewhere to turn for advice and support from others who have been there. It's just better to know in advance what kind of behaviors COULD come with these kids and how to parent them in a way that may be different than you would normally, but has an outcome you can both live with. Every child is different...some are easier than others. My boys can be hard, but are so worth it. We have some awesome days, some okay days, and some not so good days, but I love them and have no regrets. Being as prepared as you can in advance is a big bonus. You go in with your eyes wide open, and if their are issues, you know where to turn for help. You are already on the right track by reading as much as you can. You will do fine!

In order to get a heads-up on what tips and tricks might be helpful, you might want to check out LT's blog I Was A Foster Kid. She has a [URL="http://looneytunes09.wordpress.com/tips-for-those-involved-with-the-foster-care-system/"]couple[/URL] of [URL="http://looneytunes09.wordpress.com/a-few-additional-things/"]sections[/URL] that really give great ideas and coping strategies!

We are new to the foster/adopt world too. Our goal is adoption, but we decided to go the foster-to-adopt route. It has been less than a month since we received our license, and we have yet to get "the call". I have a feeling that our wait will be a bit longer than the average wait, because of our goal of adoption. I too am trying to soak up as much information as possible before we get that call. I am so excited and just can't wait! :)

My husband and I are also adoption only. We will complete rapt 4 on 6-22 and have our first home study 6-11. We have considered foster to adopt but are still on the fence about it.