What would you say to someone about to place her baby for adoption?

I'm an adoptive mother, but I identify more strongly with birth mothers, in many ways. That's because I still grieve the loss of a baby that took place 41 years ago. I won't go into the details here. Anyway, my fifth child is a tall, gorgeous, young man, 19 years old, now. Last fall, he had temporarily broken up with his girlfriend of two years. In the meantime, he started dating a girl he had been friends with for many years. By the time he and his girlfriend got back together, the other girl was pregnant. My ex, immediately started pressuring my son to pressure her into giving the baby up for adoption. I started talking to her on Facebook. I told her, from the very beginning, that I would support her in doing that, if it was really what SHE wanted to do, but that if she wanted to keep the baby, I would do everything I could to help her. She wrote as much back to me as I wrote to her, and she said talking to me was helping her. She told me that her parents wanted her to at least consider adoption, and that she was going to meet with someone at the agency run by our church. She said nothing about it to me except that she was going to a group counseling thing. That agency is non-profit and is not supposed to be trying to convince girls to give up their babies, and is supposed to help pregnant girls, regardless of what their plans are, so I thought nothing of it. After a while her mother found out I had been talking to her and had a fit about it. She is 20, not 14! At that point, she told me that she didn't know if she was going to keep the baby or not. That sounded like she was being pressured, to me, but I backed off. Anyway, last night, I had all my kids over for dinner and invited her. She came. She was very quiet all evening. When someone else brought up the baby, I asked, "What have you got now, a month left?" She said "Three weeks" and sounded very sad. I felt like what she was thinking was "I will only have her for three weeks more and then she will be taken away". Later, I said, "I hear you found a family you liked." She said, "Yeah, a family anyway". I asked her if they had any other children. She said they had one and I asked her if that one was black or biracial (my son is black). She said the child was half Hispanic, but just looks white. She seemed so sad! I know no one is overjoyed at this point, but I expected her to be a bit more positive about finding a family. I've been keeping quiet but, after the other night, I am VERY concerned that she is not really OK with this, but feels like everyone else wants her to. "Everyone else" is not who is going to have to live with this every day for the rest of their lives! SHE is! I want to tell her that if she is not comfortable with it, she should not do it! She is working and going to school. My other son and I could take care of the baby for her when she had to be gone. She could move in with me if she wanted to. I would be more than happy to have her here! I want to tell her that the ball is in her court now. She is not obliged to give the baby to that family. I also want to suggest to her that she not allow the family to be at the hospital, while she is there, and that everything at that time should be in her control, not the family's, her family, or someone from the agency. Of course, I also want to remind her that, once she signs those papers, she will have no control whatsoever. There is not even anything requiring the family to keep their promises about visits, pictures, etc.. I want to share with her the stories of the birth mothers of my kids that I know about. One had a situation very much like hers. We weren't even told her first name, let alone a birthdate for her, but she had his birthdate, of course, and that made it possible for her to find him, when he was 21. She'd been dreaming about it and counting the days, all that time. I'm sorry this is SO long, but I'm trying to explain the situation. For you who have placed babies for adoption, do you think I would be out of line to tell her what I think? I may end up with a lot of people angry with me, but if I can help prevent her from doing something that will break her heart, I wouldn't care. I would make it clear that, if it is really what she wants to do, I will support her and not say any more about it, but that if she is not sure about it, I will back her up and do everything I can to help her. I would appreciate any counsel from those of you who have personal experience, or anyone else who would like to say something. I know that my granddaughter will probably be fine with that other family. I know that they will love her and care for her. 'm sure that the adoptive parents' extended family will all love her, to. I want her to be part of MY family, of course, but the main thing is that I want her mother to be able to be at peace with her decision, and be able to do what SHE wants and not have her baby torn from her because other people, who are no where near as close to the baby as she is, want her to.