Kinship Care/Foster Care?

We were pretty much in your exact situation last year (not in PA though). We took our 2 nephews and niece (all of which we had only seen once or twice) and we are now in the process of adopting them . It has been a rough road. We wanted to keep the kids in the family and we love them. But, due to the circumstances that led to their removal they are no different than other kids that come from foster care. We have a LOT of behavioral issues and not all of the supports that non-kinship foster parents receive. I KNOW we did the right thing for the kids. I occasionally question if we did the right things for ourselves and our other kids.

We are also kinship care providers. We were foster parents in another state, moved to MI in 2012 and our niece was placed with us in January 2013. I'm very glad we had he experience of being foster parents 1st, because Niece has MANY issues that we could not have dealt with if we hadn't had prior training. It's still very difficult, but we are working through it.We had no prior relationship with niece, and shed been shuffled from one family member to another before CPS finally did anything. It makes it hard and it makes it more emotional (IMO). It's hard dealing with family members who see us as the bad guys for keeping niece away from my husbands family (not our choice, the judge ruled for a no contact order). We're working through it though.

I am in a similar situation as you and I am in PA too. I am a kinship placement to 3 little girls that I am not blood related to but have known since birth so I am fictive kin. Similar to you I WAS NOT a certified foster parent but was made aware of the situation and asked to be an "emergency care giver" the county did clearances and came to see my house and they were placed with me after the next court hearing and I was referred to the agency in our county that certifies and supervises "kinship foster care placements " exclusively. That trained and certified me in 30 days. I get the same per diem as traditional FPs in this county as well as clothing allotments and The girls and I see the CYF worker as well as a CW from the agency I am with, once a month usually. I do feel supported and was BLESSED WITH A WOMDERFUL CYF AND AGENCY WORKER!!!!! I am also BLESSED with great kids that do not have major behavior issues hopefully because they have always experienced me as a second mom anyway, but whatever the reason I FEEL BLESSED. It's been 15 months and CYF is looking at goal change to Adoption at the next hearing. It is tough sometimes boundary wise because I know the bios so well ( the good, the bad and the ugly :( ) but it is definitely the most meaningful thing I have ever done and the girls are THRIVING!! :)

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Sounds familiar <3 Your biggest hurdle will be the icpc - government bureaucracy at its best :p

We also adopted our niece (now our daughter) from another state. Getting thru the ICPC is the longest and hardest hurdle. If the child is in FC currently you may have to deal with Foster parents whom don't want to have the child moved, etc...also. I'd find out more information before making the decision however if you decide to seek placement then I'd only do it if both you and hubby agree 100% and want to adopt the child 100%. It's a tough road!!!

I spoke with the caseworker on Friday and did some digging thru online records and found out some more info. The bio father is in jail and is awaiting trial. He will probably be gone for a few years at least. Mom is also now in jail which is why the kids are in custody. She violated her probation for the second time and is now locked up for the second time, for at least the next 3 months for drugs. We haven't seen the boys since they were infants. We have stayed away because of wanting to avoid these types of behaviors. There are apparently no other family members willing to take in the boys. DH and I are hesitant for a number of reasons. We want to do the right thing. I foresee a long haul in and out of the system for these boys and I hate think about it. I feel like at least if we were to take them, and this happens in the future again, at least they would have the stability of us being the ones they go to. But dealing with estranged family would be difficult... We don't have any kids of our own and minimal experience. And it's very sudden. Hard to process so quickly. What we've been talking about is maybe starting the process, meeting the boys and getting to know them in the meantime while they're with their current foster parents and then see if we think we could do it.I feel torn because I don't want to see them hurt, even though I don't really know them, they are family. But at the same time not knowing if its the right thing to do. Would it be too hard? Would we be prepared for a possible perm home with them with us? It's very hard to try and process this because its all happening so quickly. That's why I'm here. I could really use some advice and perspective from others who have experience.Forgot to add, we all live in the same county: DH and I, the kids, and the parents. And they are in our county's jail, not far at all from where we live.

I completely understand this. We hadn't seen our niece since she was 10 mos old and then at age 6 when in FC. We also had no other family willing nor able to take the kids in. It's a tough decision. You have to weigh the pros and cons and make a decision. Family dynamics can cause issues. Luckily our situation we are across country from any dysfunction and can raise our daughter in a stable home without them interfering. I wish you the best in whatever you decide!

If you are going to consider this, please ask to speak to the current foster parent. They can give you info on behaviors and such, but more importantly, they will know that you exist and are considering taking placement. Too often relatives either come out of the woodwork late in the picture (often because they either don't know the kids re in care or because they don't want to deal with bio parents) or the CW fails to tell the foster family that they are pursuing relative placement. Thus, if the family is foster to adopt, they will start getting attached and possibly dreaming of it going to permanency.Also, if your name is your real name, I'd contact an admin like crick to change it now. They don't like doing that often but since it is early, they may allow it. Even kinship caregiver parents are often required to maintain the same confidential as foster parents.

DH and I definitive agree: we want to get to know the kids and get info from the current foster family! I think that if we find they are just typical boys with no major issues the whole thing would be a lot more doable in our minds.And my screen name is not my real name ;) But if we were to get involved and if I would post here after that, I'd prob register again with a different name, just to ensure some more privacy.

you are actually not allowed to do that either. :-( Hence my name is still the same even though I now have a forever child. LOL. But, you should be ok as long as that isn't your real name. Good luck with the kids. Keep calling them. It is very easy to fall off the radar.

I had never met J until she was 4, when we started to try to adopt. Best decision i ever made. :hippie:

I'm involved in a kincare type situation, only it's a guardianship so we have less involvement from a case worker. My husband's cousin's daughter's mother is in prison, but she was given time after accepting a plea agreement to get her affairs in order before reporting to prison and was able to sign guardianship papers for her daughter (then 12). One of the biggest differences between kincare and foster care is the family drama you get in the middle of. I had only briefly met this girl, and she hadn't spent much time with family since the age of 5. The assumption is that these kids will fit in better with kin than foster families because of that bond, but I think that's a bit of a joke. It's just that we'll put up with them more. Depending on the age of the kids involved, there's far more history. In our case bioparents were both pissed off that extended family members for various things, not giving them bail money, etc. Then when they need a big thing like - hey, take my kid - there's a lot of negativity already and hostility that non-relative foster parents don't have to face. The biomom keeps claiming she was set-up, there's a conspiracy against her and it's the police/judge/prosecutor's fault that she's in jail. While maybe the original sentence she was facing was insane, we feel she's been heading that direction her whole life and finally got caught. However, my cousin will defend her biomom and feels we're happy she's in jail. It's very difficult to try to deal with both of them, and there's a difficulty to separate your life from the bioparents (unless you adopt and then become estranged). There's also less support, at least in our case, and less resources available, especially if you have a higher income.