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Prince is 2 and doesn't know a stranger. He and his brother came to me easily when I picked them up from intake a few weeks ago. He already prefers me over anyone else but if I can't hold him he will go to anyone who will. At the zoo yesterday he reached up for a worker to hold him, we went to the ice cream shop with some church friends and he pulled on the pastors leg til be picked him up (and wouldn't let him put him down this was the first time he met our pastor), he even went and hugged the guy who came to our house to pick up the dumpster we rented! I could go on and on. I think he just really likes to be held. He is not delayed that I can see ( wayyyy ahead of Xena who is a month older than him, she is delayed though), often when we are out and about my husband and I are holding Xena or Queenie because they don't get around as easily as he does, so I'd he just going to anyone who will hold him? He hasn't been bounced around any foster homes, I got him straight from his mom. She has history with CPS and kids in care but I think only with older siblings, not the kids I have. Not sure too many details on life at home...mom seems to be really loving with them and I think they are bonded with her. He cries when. Try to leave him in the nursery, that seems "healthy" right? I know it can be a major red flag for attachment issues but is it possible he just really likes attention? Thoughts??
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Sounds like a classic case of attachment issues. My fd was three when I got here. She was all loving when I picked her up from the office the first time. She would tell the mail man, the grocery clerk, the bank teller that she loved them and wanted to go home with them. She through a fit also for months when I dropped her off at daycare. I was told she learned these skills to survive. I was told I would be lucky if she attached to me within six months. Some kids suffer from attachment issues their whole lives.
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Attachment is most certainly a possibility. My first guess would be lack of boundaries. A LOT of foster kids just haven't learned that you don't go to just anyone. In his first home, it may even have been encouraged. But especially when kids have lots of caregivers, they don't always see the issue. Add that too many people think it's cute <grrr> so feed into it, it takes some time. Unfortunately, being a foster kid, he's going to have SO many people visiting him, many of whom don't see boundary issues like these an issue, that it may be challenging. I still find it amazing that workers, supervisors, CASA, etc will ask a child they've known for 20 minutes for a hug. And we wonder why these kids won't attach solidly? Anyway, we have "rules" about such things. I can't do it with CPS or lawyers or whatever, but I can most certainly do it out in public. They need to learn appropriate boundaries whether it is attachment or not. JMO, of course :)
Sounds identical to my 17mo FS minus the seeking to be held by men. He prefers women, and prefers me, BUT any woman that holds him he is perfectly content with. It's also his first time in care. He was staying with GM when he was taken so she may have spoiled him a bit with holding him all the time. Some kids are really clingy, and it has nothing to do with attachment.
It could be attachment issues or something else. My BS never met a stranger until he was 5 and finally realized that I was serious about some people being 'bad'. Most kids have an internal 'creep meter', but some kids lack that like my son. He does not have attachment issues at all, but he is still a people person even though he knows not to go with strangers or let them touch him. These are the kids that travel the world and have grand adventures as adults, because they do not fear people and new things like many of us do, but when they are little it can be scary.
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I don't know. It sounds a lot like an attachment issue. Our youngest had what they thought might be RAD. Because she literally would grab a random strangers hand who was walking down the street. But she has developed with in normal attachment to us, family & friends. Now in all reality our oldest has mild RAD issues. She has gotten better, with boundaries and rules... And she wasn't even on the radar as having attachment issues until we started questioning and reporting her behavior. Then we took her to a behavioral therapist, who evaluated her and diagnosed her as minor RAD. And the baby with just being needy and needing someone to show interest and time. So long story short find a behavioral therapist have the kids evaluated, and go from there. But set some ground rules for personal boundaries. They may shake hands, wave and have small talk conversations. Hugging, holding hands, being held, kissing, walking away with and telling strangers or casual friends/family/neighbors/service personnel that they love /like them is not ok. Hugging, holding, holding hands, kissing are only for you the FP and the birth parents & that immediate family. That will help a lot.
the first thing that popped into my mind when reading this post was that he most likely was in a home situation where he was left with a lot of different people while the mom was off doing her thing. My daughter had a friend who had a baby when she was 19 and he was the same way. This girl would leave her son with anyone willing to watch him. She once asked my daughter to babysit for her and she dropped him off and didn't come get him until three days later. I work with the girls granddad and he confirmed that this was the case all the time. The mom would leave this little guy with any Tom, Dick, or Harry - it didn't matter as long as she was free to go do whatever. This little boy was willing to go to anybody and never made a peep. This little boy now lives with his great grandmother and the mom comes and visits when ever she can which is usually an hour or so every three weeks or more. (Even though she lives about ten minutes away from where he is.) Perfect example of someone who had a baby long before they were ready to handle the responsibility.
I second Servnjah. We are quick to jump to attachment issues but sometimes it is just how the kid is, or they were encouraged. If he is on the young side of 2, then he may not have hit that "danger" zone that tots often hit around 3. Some kids are always in that zone, some are not. My neighbor does daycare in her home and one of her 3yo came right up to me like it was nothing. My princess had major issues. She had NO boundaries at all. However, she attached to me just fine. So, I think that there needs to be a sub category of attachment where the kids can attach in a healthy way, but they just do it too much. It turned out, what I suspected to be true, her mother had always encouraged that behavior. We had to put in rules in place too that she wasn't allowed to go up to another person, kid or adult, without asking me, and no hugs without asking me first and the recipient second. Now, she was much older so she could understand that. I am not sure a 2 yo could so you'd probably want to try some different tactics with him. I have some friends who have a now 4yo but he has been friendly since day one. No attachment issues, he is just that kind of kid, everyone is a friend to him.
My twins did that, because they bounced around to a lot of different foster homes. They did attach to us and are now strongly bonded with us. However, we got them at 2 1/2 and at 4 1/2 they were still doing it, and it was escalating to touching other children. Finally we had enough and put into place a no touching rule. They were allowed to hug family and one very close friend's family and that was it. The daycare threw a fit at first because the people in the room thought we were being cruel. I put my foot down and finally made the manager talk to the entire staff about it. They could shake hands, but they could not hug, and they had to redirect the girls when they tried to hug. It took about 3 weeks and it made an amazing difference. We have not had any problems with the girls and strangers since we did this. If I were you, I would explain to your FS that he can only hug your family and his biological family. Every time he tries to be picked up redirect him, and if someone does pick him up take him and put him back down. Remind him each time that you only hug family. It will take some time but it will work. Do not punish him or anything when he forgets, just redirect and remind. There may be attachment issues there, but I would look at it from an unlearned boundry issue first.
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Does he have any other issues or behaviors that suggest to you that he has attachment difficulties? If not, I wouldn't jump to that conclusion based on one behavior that could have other causes, although I'd keep an eye on it to see if the behavior escalates.It also might be personality, and/or a cultural difference, and/or something normal in his first family, and/or an age-related phase, and/or trauma from removal from his bio home and the resulting upheaval that may or may not develop into a serious attachment problem long-term. I think you're right to question it and be vigilant, I just don't think you should be too hasty about assuming a diagnosis based on one behavior that could have multiple other causes.
We got our JouJou when she was 2 and she went to anyone and everyone. It was very very apparent that she was developing a full blown attachment problem. She would actively try to run away to go with a stranger and, if you picked her up or stopped her from going up to the stranger she would have a full blown fit. We've had her about a year, now, and she'd completely bonded to us. Occasionally, she'll try to sneak away at the pool or park and approach an unwitting person (usually a teenage or young adult girl) but she knows what is and isnt acceptable and all we have to do is say her name and she comes running back to us. I wouldn't be quick to jump on the whole attachment problem bandwagon, though. I've worked with sooo many kids who simply went to anyone who gave them attention because they liked the attention and interaction and trusted people, in general, not because they had attachment problems.