Adopting baby single male

1. While the situation is much better in the U.S. than overseas, single male prospective parents have a harder time than single females. Some people assume that a single male must be a pedophile if he wants to be around kids. Others assume that he must be gay, and question whether a gay male can be a good role model for a child. Expect to be checked out a little more thoroughly than a single female would be checked out. But remember that single men -- including both heterosexual and homosexual men -- DO adopt in the U.S. They just have to work at it a little harder. 2. It won't be easy to adopt a healthy infant or toddler, though it's possible. Remember that, in the U.S., very few healthy infants and toddlers are available for adoption, when you consider the number of people who want to adopt kids of that age and health status. That's why so many Americans turn to international adoption. Our country is prosperous, and has a pretty strong "social safety net" for parents, so very few children are relinquished because of poverty. There are fewer prejudices about adoption than in some countries, where the "blood tie" is deemed so important that people are unwilling to adopt children who are not biologically related to them. And there haven't been a lot of wars and natural disasters that have orphaned large numbers of children who could not be placed with family members. 3. In addition, it is generally considered good practice in this country to let women considering making an adoption plan choose the characteristics of the family who will adopt their child. And, let's face it, most of these women will choose youngish married heterosexual couples. Many of the women are single and can't imagine parenting as a single, and many have strong beliefs about religion, race, sexual orientation, etc. Many single women and men find it easier to adopt privately than through an agency, going to pregnant women whom they actually know already or can get to know well during their pregnancy, so the prospective birthmother feels comfortable placing her birthchild with them. 4. The children who most need homes, in this country as well as overseas, are school aged kids -- especially boys -- as well as children with special needs. Agencies may be much more willing to consider a single male if he wants to adopt an older boy or a child with a disability. They may even relax certain agency specific requirements for a person willing to parent an older child or a child with special needs. 5. The best things to do, right now, are to focus on graduating, getting a good job with good possibilities for advancement, picking a neighborhood to live in that is conducive to a kid-friendly lifestyle, building savings and investments, and staying out of trouble. Do be aware that the costs of raising a child, whether bio or adoptive, are great. If you have to work full-time, you will need to use day care or a babysitter or nanny, and you may be shocked at the dent that will put in your wallet. Also, remember that there are many unknowns in adoption. As an example, you may not know, when you adopt, if a birthmother drank alcohol during pregnancy. Depending on how much she drank and when in pregnancy she drank, the child could wind up with fetal alcohol syndrome -- basically brain damage that may be mild or severe. And while it may show up in infancy, it may also not be obvious until the child is of school age and is impulsive, fails to understand cause and effect, struggles with quantitative reasoning, and so on. Adoption requires a leap of faith. One thing that concerns me is whether you will be able to teach healthy attitudes about relationships to a child you adopt. You seem very negative about marriage and commitment, and that could easily color what a child learns. If your homestudy social worker picks up on that, he/she will surely ask about experiences you had in early life that caused you to be so negative. If your own parents had significant relationship problems, you may be asked to get some counseling, so that you do not repeat some of their parenting mistakes. Also, your letter focuses on what YOU want, not what a child wants or needs. Are you really prepared to help a child grow to responsible, productive adulthood? Are you prepared to make sacrifices for him/her? Parenthood requires MAJOR adjustments to your lifestyle. Are you aware of some of the issues that adopted children face, especially if they are of a different race from their parent(s) or if their parents have a non-typical family structure or lifestyle? Can you really deal with their concerns? I am glad that you are considering adoption as the way to form a family. But I really think that you will need to do a lot more preparation before you are ready to pursue parenthood. Sharon

I know of two single men who have adopted newborns. One was through a private lawyer and one through foster care. Both did mention that agencies did not seem to think they would be top picks, but that was several years back. When you are ready, interview many agencies and ask point blank how many single father adoptions they have done. If they do not seem capable of matching you, then look into alternatives like private lawyers and foster care. Putting the word out to friends that you are interested can end in someone knowing someone who is looking to place a baby too, so do not underestimate the power of word of mouth.

Thank you so much. People are so negative. There are lots of deserving kids out there and they all deserve a loving home. Plus know a days there are all sorts of families. They are not all like 1960s families.

Well musicman ... it can be hard at times and other times not so hard. I am a single adoptive father of ten sons. Yes, I said ten. I've been on here for quite some time. Adopting a baby, for anyone, is hard. It doesn't matter if you are single or married. I would agree with sak9645. It is even more difficult for a man. But it can be done. Good luck in your journey.

Don't give up! It can be done. An agency will most likely not like that you are male and single, but an attorney will not care. You can also adopt a child that is not a baby through an attorney so you will have a better idea of the baby's/child's health. It just might take a bit longer. Good luck.

My adoption attorney is a single adoptive father of a girl. I am the single adoptive mother of a little boy. Everyone who's talked to me in doing the adoption said that my attorney and I were possibly the only people they'd ever met who managed to, as singles, adopt a healthy newborn of our same ethnicity. It can be done. Never say never!

Have you spoken with your Siblings about possibly being a Surrogate for you?? Juli

I adopted a healthy caucasian girl as a single mom. That's supposed to be impossible. As MeInIL said, never say never.

I'm a single dad with one lovely daughter and I couldn't be more happier with my life. I adopted her when she was just only a little baby and that time I was on the struggle on finances and school. Life can be hard at times but still seeing her smile and happy makes all my worries not so troubling.

Hello all,My name is Tracy O'Neill, and I'm writing an article about single men adopting children for Virginia Quarterly Review. If anyone would be willing to share their story with me, I hope you'll consider sending me an email at to2284@columbia.edu. To tell you a little more about myself, I'm a freelance writer who has contributed to RollingStone.com, TheAtlantic.com, and the NewYorker.com. I've also written a novel called The Hopeful, which is about an adopted young woman and which was reviewed on Adoption.com:http://adoption.com/book-review-the-hopeful I look forward to hearing from you and learning from you.Best,Tracy

Hello we do have two babies under the care of our church both children are in good health and i just created this with the church phone number please if you are interested or you have anyone who is interested in adoption text.If you are interested then contact Rev sister for more information. You can text +1 (740)625-1875.

My family is definitely interested in finding out more and adopting them. Please contact me at your earliest convenience. My name is Natalie Marsh (My husband Robert and I have a profile on adoption.com.) and my phone number is 832-588-0119. Thank you!

Hey Musicman - it looks like you've got some good feedback. I'm interested, now that quite some time has passed ... have you moved forward with adoption? I'd like to hear about your adoption journey - the ups and downs, what worked and what didn't. Do you have kids now? If not, are you still working toward that? Fill us in when you can!

Many people are not used to a single man adopting."People used to think that being placed with a two-parent family was the ideal, that this was the only way," says Gloria Hochman, director of communications for the National Adoption Center. "It was mother, father, boy, girl, picket fence and so forth. The image of a family has changed dramatically."

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