How have your spiritual beliefs affected your adoption story?

Thank you for sharing your story Leaah. I imagine that at 13 it was really incomprehensible for you. It is always challenging to seek God's will rather than our own. As a pastor I frequently remind my congregations that we need to listen to God instead of always telling him what we want. Ironically of course, I am preaching to myself!

I'm not sure you really want my answer to this question. Yes, religion, spirituality and adoption have affected each other in my life. The process of my adoption itself was intimately tied up in religion as I went through a religious adoption agency, my adoptive parents had to pass a religious test of sorts, etc. I am no longer a member of that fold, so to speak.

As I've thought more about it, I realized that I would be really interested on hearing other adoptees' views on this topic.

For the eighteen years that I had no clue where my son was living or how he was doing, the only thing that kept me sane was my relationship with God. Every night for 18 years I would go outside, stare up at the moon, and pray for him. I actually felt some sort of spiritual connection with him every night when I prayed, but it's hard to describe in words. The one thing that I knew from the bottom of my heart was that the same God that was listening to my prayers was the same God that was looking after my son. And this brought me a tremendous amount of comfort. On his 18th birthday, the agency's postadoptions caseworker called me to let me know his full name, phone number and address. (My son and his parents had just been in her office, signing the waivers of confidentiality that his natural father and I had signed when he was 11 years old.) When I hung up the phone, this incredible wave of joy and love washed over me, and I could feel God's hand in the whole situation. When I was 21 years old...and my son was 4...I had a full-blown near-death experience. I was given the choice of coming back or not, but first I was shown what I can only describe as a hologram of my son from the time he was born up until he was a young man. I was told that my son would need me at that point in time, but it was left up to me whether I wanted to return or not. I decided to come back for his sake. When he turned 11, I suddenly just knew one day that it was time to contact the adoption agency. I flew back to my hometown, and his first father and I both went to the agency, signed the waivers, and left photos and pictures, as well as all our contact information. I knew instinctively somehow that his parents were going to want to contact us at some point during his teenage years. And they did - two years later. When we all reunited face-to-face when DS turned 18, his parents told me that they had been praying for me every night of our son's life, and they felt that God had His hand on all of us. So much of life is a mystery to me...but I firmly believe that God knows what He's doing.

raven - *hugs* I do think spirituality is most powerful when we have no control. The burden of not being able to take care of everything ourselves can be crushing. I, myself, am more pagan in my beliefs. For me, that means the energy of the universe unites us all. That sense of connection is what reassured me while I waited to find my child. I opted not to go the IVF route, but spent 20 years doing the best I could to make the world a better place The second I heard about J, I knew she belonged in my life. That sounds silly given all the years we flirted with the idea of parenting. it was like: the universe aligned, our paths crossed, and i knew our souls needed to be connected in this life I do believe in reincarnation. It felt like we've been together before. I now knew why I had waited this long to become an intact family. Kind of like waiting at a party until your posse shows up In saying the above, I'm careful not to state that we are her true family.. or that her BPs need to suffer so that I get what I want I see J as a soul I was meant to connect with in this life. Because of that, I was also destined to connect with her BM, her BGP, and her brother Each provides an opportunity for me to evolve, to grow a a person. And to get ready for my next life. Way off base from tradition religion, but this thread is listed under "Other faith-based adoptions", so i hope its ok

wcurry, you articulated very well what I had wanted to say. I feel such a connection that I feel that DD and I were meant to connect in this life somehow. That doesn't mean that I think her birth mother got pregnant so that I could be a mom but there's just something I can't explain.

As an adoptee... spirituality has been a constant puzzle to me, an individual, to explore. My mother's family was chocked full of southern Baptist preachers. I was baptized as an baby in the episcopal church, several times as a kid at southern campground revivals (hey, I did everything they had to do LOL including trying to catch the greased pig, climb the greased pole and pull someone in the mud tugging at war) once at the Baptist church and went thru confirmation in the Presbyterian church... I think I should be covered if such a thing is ever needed? They shoved Jesus down my throat, but that energy has always been in me and around me, whatever one may call it. I think being set free the second I was born had something to do with it, I've always felt that energy with me. It's hard to explain. I don't worry so much, what will happen, will happen. I have faith that things will be what they will be and I only have so much to do with it. I use the resources I find. I look for them constantly and make the best of things for me and others. The biggest resource I have found is "love", forgiveness and sharing. That's worked very well for me since I've figured out how to work it. I think I read the story of Jesus much differently than many in the church. I'm certain it's due to my story of unwed mother. To me his story screams - don't stone the mother and the baby!!! We are all God's children, regardless of who or where our father's are. But many choose to save and hide the baby and mother of this shame. A man's shame hidden. They skip ahead in the book and use the words to take the babies and tell the mothers to "go and sin no more". It's as if the beginning story of Jesus has been forgotten. The Madonna, confuses me, many praise this, worship this, then suggest it be destroyed for some reason or another, and the church supports it. I think Jesus was trying to teach about that. I think many miss and twist the message. I find the energy all around me and in me. I can't name it. Always, seemingly in everything, a searcher I will be. My husband says I have too much of this kind of faith. He says it makes it OK for me to jump from airplanes, wander in the wilderness, and other risky ventures. He says I am testing "it". He could be right, but I doubt it :) I find that energy to be so strong in those places, especially the wild, especially when facing death. I yearn for it to be so strong. Hubby says it's just an adrenaline fix and I am a junkie. I feel that energy in me, I have faith it's real, I have faith it's all around me, feels like guardian angels, as it always has to me. I could feel them flying back with me to earth this weekend. I am not afraid. Crazy! but have no fear. Not so crazy not to have unlimited safety precautions in place! My hubby that often calls me crazy.... told me the first time I was riding with him on his motorcycle, there was a mean looking giant blonde girl angel sitting on his handlebars, scared the crap out of him. He didn't tell me for years LOL So you tell me who the crazy one is:wings: I should mention that I remember that ride very well, I was totally out of control of that situation riding down the interstate at high speeds, on the back, toes and butt barely touching the bike, no sissy bar, as if I was just flying, there was no one on the planet but me. It felt so good, I could feel "them" and I felt so safe and warm even tho it was dangerous and cold. How can I explain that one? Insanity?

To be a part of organized religion has not been a part of my life. Altho baptized as a catholic I recognized at an early age that some how I knew pieces of information that i needed to bring about security.There was a great deal of abuse of all types. I prayed everyday to a God who never answered, but through it all emerged a message system that provided the care and love of how to live, and not act out the devastation related to griefand loss.Once that system was established, the guidance, love and care became a part of the teaching of how to live.Doors opened, and I found that things fell into place. There was no question that someone upstairs liked me and was willing to help.As a result, I have a very deep and profound feeling for the guidance and care that happened from the beginning when I was probably 8, 9. It probably was all that saved me from the crushing experiences related to my a-mom.I wish you the best.

Wcurry, I'm glad you wrote what you did. Thanks. I appreciate very much many of the things Beth said, also. I'm Pagan but am uncertain about reincarnation and how that might play into this issue. (Once someone told me they were my mother in a previous life. My reaction was not good, mostly because -- whether they believed it to be true or not -- that idea, especially with my background, struck me as potentially very manipulative. Because of that, it soured me immediately.) Over the years, I have become even more skeptical about "fate" and "destiny" than I am about reincarnation, though it's interesting to look at one's life through that perspective. I think, though, that we (as individuals and as a society) actually have more freedom than "fate" would truly allow. Instead, it seems like there have been things in my life -- events, tendencies -- which suggest to me an ongoing connection or involvement with certain deities. This is not to say that they (these Gods) "wanted" or "chose" for me to be adopted. The way it seems to me, it's more like the act of adoption -- which was entirely based on human causes -- put me into a certain relationship with them which has continued and deepened. Neither my adoptive or first-parents (or first-grandmother) would see it that way, I'm sure. My adoptive parents especially believe the adoption was God's will, and in fact the agency told them it was God's will and that I was matched with them through prayer. I am sure that my first-mother's mother (who made the decision) was told and believed the same. From my perspective, though, I see humans using their own beliefs about "God's will" to justify a grave injustice against my first-mother and then justify interpreting any similarities between first-family and PAP family as evidence that it was "God's will" that I be placed accordingly. It was like a flash of lightning for me when I realized how the agency had made their "prayerful" match. My a-parents (and first-mother's mother also, I'm nearly certain) believe or at one time believed [URL="http://media.salemwebnetwork.com/ecards/ScriptureCards/Proverbs22_6.jpg"]this[/URL], which is why I was placed through a religious agency to begin with. From everything I have seen, that statement is clearly and definitively not true, at least as far as involvement with a specific set of religious beliefs. If that statement is interpreted to mean that a person will hold on to learned values, I can see merit in it, but I think those are much more universal and not tied to any particular religious doctrine. In that respect, I have always believed that it is important to investigate and test the things that are labeled "truth" in order to sift the wheat from the chaff, the diamonds from the dunghills, or the man behind the curtain from the Wizard, as the case may be.

I believe in chance, in a big way, and wonder if there was ever a God or something named for it or claiming it. Whenever I hear someone claiming something was God's plan, God's will, I always think they are guessing, hoping, or just plain lying to cover whatever it is that has happened. I can't say I have ever believed anyone about that sort of thing.

Certainly. I've heard of several. Hermes is one of these, for example, and he's also associated with certain tales in which young children are found and subsequently raised by foster/adoptive parents. I was raised in a devout household and initially did believe it. The idea that one can know and follow "God's will" can have a certain appeal. There are some religious ideas that can be comforting to some in certain ways and under certain conditions but are problematic in others. This is one of them.In addition to being a way to "explain away" particular events, the appeal to "God's will" can also be a way to abdicate one's own decision-making power.

Thanks Sitta! I'd forgotten all about Hermes. At the beginning of my reunion I dove head first into anything about synchronicity, there are no coincidences and all of that chance/luck sort of stuff. Especially anything inner/outer, conscious/subconscious. Hermes, my guide to the underworld and transition, gotta love him:love:

Sorry if this thread got derailed from what you intended Kakuehl. I did want to say that many things have happened for me during my journey that lead me to believe something was behind it. Some force, god, angel, energy, spirit, luck of the draw, whatever it may be, for me that something remains a great mystery. I find peace with that mystery. I'm leary to name it. Probably due to what Sitta mentioned. "There are some religious ideas that can be comforting to some in certain ways and under certain conditions but are problematic in others. This is one of them.

In addition to being a way to "explain away" particular events, the appeal to "God's will" can also be a way to abdicate one's own decision-making power."

It is always challenging to seek God's will rather than our own.

in Christian theology, is the admission of a believer into the family of God. In the Reformed ordo salutis ("order of salvation"), adoption is usually regarded as a step immediately subsequent to justification.