Another story of an adopted kid "being given back"

I didn't see this story, but knowing what it takes to parent some really broken children, I can say I understand the desire and way of thinking that causes parents to want to send their kids back. We survived a 3 year period with one of ours that made us understand.And we did this ourselves in the form of a disrupted adoptive placement. When you do it before you finalize it doesn't raise any eyebrows. We uncovered previously unknown problems in both him and one of our priors and it was clear we were way overloaded. Do overseas adoptions even have the option to disrupt without this sort of stunt?

I'm not sure but this was a foster care adoption. There's a thread now that the couple may be charged with abandonment. I'm thinking that with these disruptions making the news, TIIC will make post-adoption services available.

Here's the thing though...generally speaking, post-adoption counseling/services are a joke-plain and simple. The facts remain that far too many agencies present very damaged children as those who simply need a little love/medical care and permanence. Nothing could be further from the truth. What is truly needed is complete reform on the way very damaged children are presented to hopeful adoptive folks. Agencies (international and domestic) can spot an eager, hopeful and (even to the point) desperate couple who want to adopt-quickly. It's not uncommon for these adoption entities to take full advantage of that position and therefore, are untruthful about the full problems the child may have. Make no mistake that trying---just trying to parent a child who wants to kill everything and everyone in the home is almost unspeakably difficult. No parent/s goes into adoption planning for a disruption-that's a fact. Yet, with the slight info adoption entities provide to hopeful adoptive parents, it's no wonder there are disruptions. I always think it's odd adoptive parents might be charged with abandonment IF they're trying to find a WAY to help the child. Some children just can't be helped. Yes, there are some children who are far too damaged to have in ANY household and must be supervised EVERY MINUTE in order to keep others safe-as well as themselves. Instead of pointing the finger at the adoptive parents, why can't there be a punishment for the 'damage' to the child from the biological folks who DID THIS in the first place? One of my friends (also an adoptive mom) suggested there should be some sort of payment or punishment of some sort from biological parents who abused their child to the point of no return. Just a thought..... Sincerely, Linny

If this were Facebook, I would be hitting the "like" button right now, Linny. Well said.

Are you referring to the case in which the 9-year-old son was adopted as a 3-month-old infant?

[url=http://www.cnn.com/video/data/2.0/video/us/2013/11/15/nr-intv-hunt-for-couple-who-returned-adopted-son.cnn.html]Hunt for couple who returned adopted son - CNN.com Video[/url] This one?

Just listened to it. First, they're naïve. They seem to think a foster/adoptive parent can snap his/her fingers and get help and it will be there. They should have included foster adoptive parents in that discussion.

Nature vs. Nurture debates are ongoing. Unfortunately there are no constraints on an individual's right to bring forth life. There are people who have serious addictions and mental health issues that are allowed to give birth. They are no more capable of raising a child than they are of being held accountable for their actions. There are also not enough constraints on how a child is cared for by people who choose to adopt or foster children. It is apparent that there are people who are focussed on appearances and such superficial aspects of the process that it is hard to read about their priorities. Agencies do not have resources or the time to assure that children's needs are met. Too many people delude themselves into thinking that adopting or caring for a child is simply a matter of "loving" and providing a home. There are serious issues people are completely obtuse about that will affect those children. Children are not chattel and the sooner people understand that they are way over their heads even attempting to raise a child the better off they will be. Sending a child back into the damaged system because the child is disruptive to their family is sometimes the only option but the damage that does in insurmountable. I am not sure what the answers are except that people need to have their heads checked out thoroughly before they are allowed the privilege of affecting a child's life on both sides of the coin.

Muirphymalone: so true. and I agree with what Linny said about bios being held responsible for damage done to kids. If they knew they'd have to pay for intensive counseling or have jail time, maybe they wouldn't be so quick to do what they wanted.

I believe that there has to be far more scrutiny related to the process of placing a child. The concept that disturbed people will have the resources to "pay" adoptive parents is not viable. When people make the commitment to adopt a child they should be provided with all the information related to that child's history. People need to stop blaming the child for the natural consequences of abandonment. Believing that simply providing a "home" is sufficient is ludicrous. Some children have been so damaged by the cruel practices, through no fault of their own that they will require years of counseling and treatment. If that isn't evident to those interested in adopting then I don't know what to say.

I'm glad we weren't sterilized :) Too close for comfort for me! Sterilization in Virginia occurred under state law between 1924 and 1979. It thus appeared to have continued such sterilizations longer than any other state (Landman 1932, pp. 83-4; Largent 2008, p. 80). There are known instances of eugenic sterilization before 1924 The sterilization of Virginia resident Carrie Buck is perhaps the most infamous case of sterilization in not only Virginia but also the United States as a whole. Buck was deemed defectiveӔ and institutionalized in the Virginia Colony for Epileptics and Feebleminded four years after her mother was similarly institutionalized. Buck was classified as feeble-mindedӔ after giving birth to an illegitimate child as a result of rape by relative of her foster family. Her daughter was subsequently deemed feebleminded at the age of 6 months. Under accusations of hereditary defectiveness, Carrie Buck faced a series of trials and appeals used to legitimize her pending sterilization. She was defended by Aubrey Strode, a known supporter of sterilization, whose defense focused more on the potential benefits of BuckԒs sterilization than the consequences (Lombardo 2008b, p. 136) Nonetheless, with the 1927 Supreme Court ruling in Buck v. Bell, sterilization was legitimized and Buck was consequently sterilized to prevent the birth of more defectiveӔ individuals. It was said by Supreme Court Justice, Oliver Holmes that

three generations of imbeciles are enoughӔ (Lombardo 2003, pp. 2-4; Paul 1965, pp. 497-507). [url=http://www.uvm.edu/~lkaelber/eugenics/VA/VA.html]Virginia Eugenics[/url] A good place to start and to check out the history of your state. [url=http://www.uvm.edu/~lkaelber/eugenics/]Eugenics: Compulsory Sterilization in 50 American States[/url] There are tons of sites out there, and some really good ones (that I can't seem to find now of course) Native Americans got the worst of it in the 1970's. Note: Not addressed here is the controversial topic of sterilizations of Native Americans in the 1970s, which by some accounts led to sterilization rates of more than 25% among women of child-bearing age. A student in my Independent Study course, wrote a paper on this topic (here). I used to wish the same, just sterilize those that shouldn't/can't. Not so simple. After being called a Depopulationist and a racist and a Nazi and !, and looking up the definition and how all that works... I've changed my opinion in a big way! It's interesting to me how much of this "goes with" adoption practices, old and new. What's that saying? If you don't know the history, you're liable to repeat it.

[url=http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GSln=Buck&GSfn=Carrie&GSiman=1&GSby=1906&GSbyrel=in&GSdy=1983&GSdyre l=in&GSst=48&GScntry=4&GSob=n&GRid=84544345&df=all&]Carrie Buck (1906 - 1983) - Find A Grave Memorial[/url] Not much about her listed here, not even a picture :(

Beth, you can always suggest an "Edit" to the person who is maintaining Carrie Buck's Memorial Page on FindAGrave. I've been a contributing member there since it first went live on the Internet, and I send requests and receive requests all the time to edit the pages.

Was trying to find some pics to add, and request a pic of her headstone be added. I am pretty sure it's the right grave. I read that her daughter Vivian was buried in the same cemetery, by chance, but I can't find her there, there were no Vivians listed in the cemetery. Vivian died when she was 8 of measles and intestinal infection. She was adopted by Carrie's foster parents, but I don't know what their name is yet. "Carrie and Vivian are buried in Charlottesville's Oakwood Cemetery, Vivian next to her adoptive parents, who reported on her death certificate that they did not know the name of her birth mother." Hmmm, will have to find and search by birth/death dates... Which isn't a search option - have to have a partial surname. There are only 8500+ buried in this scary Oakwood cemetery.:rolleyes: Maybe I'll get lucky and their last names begin with an A. Was considering attempting to piece together or write a memorial, but it's pretty tough. There is so much out there about the Buck family, differing accounts, old and new, makes it difficult. But there is plenty to add. I'd at least like to see all the Buck women connected on findagrave. I haven't found her mother or sister's graves yet. Her sister, Doris Figgins, was also involuntarily sterilized. She was told she was having her appendix removed and found out in her late 60's why she couldn't have children. [url=http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/health/2009-06-23-eugenics-carrie-buck_N.htm]U.S. eugenics legacy: Ruling on Buck sterilization still stands - USATODAY.com[/url] Findagrave.com is one of my favorite websites.... strange to say, but it's very "concrete" to me. It allows for truths to be shared and memorialized, and horrifying secrets to be busted. Sorry for derailing this thread, I've become a bit obsessed, a little like Professor Lombardo...

[url=http://www.buckvbell.com/gallery.html]Three Generations No Imbeciles Gallery Page[/url] Found her :wings: [url=http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GSln=dobbs&GSby=1920&GSbyrel=after&GSdy=1933&GSdyrel=before&GSst=48&GScntry=4&GSob=n&GRid=18751801&df=all&]Vivian Alice Elaine Dobbs (1924 - 1932) - Find A Grave Memorial[/url]