Adoption questions

Hi Fie, Why do you want to know these things? What's your own connection to adoption? Did you relinquish? Are you a PAP? AP? Why don't you spend some time reading the other threads on this section of the forum first?

HiI don't have a direct connection to adoption, but I am in the middle of my examination, and I need to understand how adoptees feel. I have asked a lot of people, but no one could answer my questions, so this is my last chance. I have read some of the other threads, but I can't find the answers for my questions.

In the middle of your examination? Do you mean you're writing a report on us?

Fie, you can't find answers for your questions because the answers are individual and specific to each person and their situation.There is no one size fits all answer to any of those questions. Most of us dislike being lumped together with others who may have a similar event in their history but a different outcome, experience or feeling about it.Don't try to stereotype anyone in the adoption experience by asking how "adoptees feel" or how "birthmoms feel" or how "adoptive parents feel." We are all different. We had different experiences in adoption and because of that we may have some commonalities in how we feel but our experience and feelings are our own and we don't like being stereotyped.Maybe next time don't wait till the last minute to do your homework.

Thanks d, since I've said that too many times this week already (there might be a quota, not sure).... and since the fallbreakers are hogging up my TV, kitchen, laundry room, living room and most of the house, not to mention all the food, and my car, and soon my computer again, trying to make up for lost time by cramming for the last few days left of college hoping to pass... I'm not much help either. The questions are pretty vague. For instance: What do you think about adoption? How many pages is this report????? 10,000? 100,000? Some of us have been typing for decades about what we think about adoption, and we haven't finished yet... Good Luck Fie

To answer your questions: Yes I do feel different then other people. Not sure exactly why, but I've always floated around from group to group and gotten along with just about everyone. My perspective on life is different from many people I encounter. Yes I did visit my home country of Russia. I was born there, lived in an orphanage and came to the United States as a child. When I was 16 I located my bio grandmother, mother, and half sister. When I turned 18, I bought a plane ticket and traveled there to meet them. I think closed adoption can be very hurtful to many of the parties that are involved. A lot of it depends on the person. My feelings are conflicted on it. I know my biological mother, but not my father. I have never asked her about him because even though I am 21, the relationship is still fragile. Meeting my mother was like meeting a distant aunt that you know you're related to, but you don't really know. For me, there was not an, AHA moment, you complete me! In an intense setting, I hold of my emotions and deal with them after the event. Some moments were awkward at times but overall it was a good experience. I do understand her reasoning. It was the "end" of the Soviet Union, she was poor, and having a child out of wedlock was very taboo. My adoptive parents always told me that she was poor and could not care for me. When I went to Russia, I spent a night in the communal apartment that she lived in with my grandmother when she was pregnant. I slept in a twin sized bed with my grandmother, I couldn't figure out how to use the toilet or the shower (a bucket). It was safe to say that she was poor. However, I do still harbor resentment for relinquishing me to a Russian orphanage where many children would never be adopted and live unproductive lives. A part of me regrets giving her the satisfaction of letting her know that I'm okay. But it is what it is, and there are still feelings to be worked out.