30 day notice

How old is he?

It's hard to get any social worker from Social Services...not just CPS or foster-care caseworkers...to return calls or emails during the holiday season. Happens every single year. Hang in there... :arrow:

First to questions. He just turned 13 recently. However, he's MR. Funny thing about that, when he was presented: "He's MR, you know, delayed." So we just figured they were misusing the term. Delayed is no problem we've done delayed. We were lead to believe he was developmentally 6. But he's not, or rather he doesn't STAY at 6 or above. He's all over the spectrum, from infant to 10 ish.... It's semi ridiculous. We don't know who we're dealing with from day to day or even minute to minute sometimes. We specifically requested a child no younger than 6 as we're older and knew we'd not have the patience for a "younger" child.... And he was presented as "6." As to CPS answering phone calls.... My experience with CPS is about 8 years. They rarely, unless it's important to them, call back. I know it's worse during Holidays, but ... they rarely seem to call us back. Could be just us I guess......? :-) The plot thickens. We found out late last night that this kid thinks we're adopting him! Egads! We have no idea where this came from. HIS caseworker questioned the possibility 3-4 weeks after his placement, but we said no. So, this came out of the blue. Last night, just before bed, he was making comments about when his last name would change to ours. I managed to distract him. sheesh This doesn't change anything, but.... Good Gracious. We have about 9-10 days left on our 30 day notice, and he thinks we're adopting him? My mind is reeling. Talk about being blown away. He's always gotten along well with my husband who saw the child rarely because of his work schedule, he works second shift, so only saw or spent time with this child on weekends. But this child has never "clicked" with myself nor our son. And now that my husband is here (vacation : use or lose time from work) he see's what I've been trying to tell him all along. All the "stuff" our son and I deal with Mon - Fri. Now that he's off for the Holidays, he too is very frustrated with this child. He actually has total of 15 days. After only 3 days he was starting to get frustrated/irritated, now after a week.... He's definitely frustrated. He initially had some doubt about our decision with the 30 day notice, but now is fully on board with the idea. That should say a lot. And we know it's not all this child's fault, but his issues are just too much for us to deal with. I hope all this makes sense, I reread it and kind of stumbled once or twice.

Eeks trying to find another placement for him may be tough...

He came right out of a shelter to us. I just really wish CPS had been honest with us from the get go. We would've passed and waited for another placement. The reimbursement will be missed, but...there's just too much.... All kids come with baggage, but his is way over the top and way out there.

I was hoping to have an update for y'all today. No such luck. His case worker came over late Tues. (New Years Eve). She was here for about 2 hours, told the child he'd be leaving soon. She told us she'd NOT been able to find a placement for him yet. That being the case (or so it was implied) he'll be going aback to the Treatment Center..... She told us she'd call with more info on Friday (today). As expected, she didn't call, so I called her. She now says she won't have any info until Monday, but that was ok as "he doesn't really have to be moved until Friday." Uh, no. I physically counted the days on the calendar, the 30 days is up on the 7th. I know it's petty, but.... This child all but ruined Thanksgiving, Christmas and the new year with all of his hissy fits. I am wondering if we're just being strung along? She already knows where he's going. What's the hold up? The center already knows he's coming. Or at least the way she was talking, I'd presume so. I'm just really frustrated. Our lives are on hold until we know what's going to happen with this child. And our case worker doesn't want to even look for another placement for us until he's removed. I've been trying to get her to look for the past 4 months as we're still hoping to adopt a child. We hope to find a child 6-9 for adoption. You'd think that wouldn't be so hard.... And I see all the folks on here that've adopted their foster kids.... And some of them seem to be single -no sibs. That's what we're looking for. I don't get how people can have adopted all these kids in such a short time - we've been trying for years! Is there a trick we're missing? Every child we get ends up going back to their parent or to a relative. We tried for 5 years a decade ago, but came back to foster care to try again.... been trying for another 18 + months. We've only had one child in all this time that was legal risk, but she went back to her birth mom. Sorry, I went way off topic, but ... I guess I just need some words of wisdom or encouragement. These are just my thoughts right now. Sorry if they're real jumbled.

They could be waiting for a bed. That happened with my teenager. No words about another placement.

We came into this process with the same thought as you - single child, around 5-8 years old. We figured that there must be a need for homes for older children. Our agency was very candid about the problem with this - for a single child to be in the system that old is rare. Either the parents generally have had more kids since that one (and so they are part of a sibling group), or a single child has such high needs that no one has been able to meet them so they have not previously been adopted. The advice given to us was to either accept siblings or be open to younger children (who are more likely to be single children in the system). That all made sense to us, and we decided to expand to allow for a sibling group of two. We were pretty quickly placed with brothers (3 and 6) who we just adopted. I just wanted to share this since you expressed frustration at the lack of single available placements in that age group.

I adopted my daughter at 8. She was legally free, and in another foster home that did not want to adopt. She is now almost 13. Then I adopted two boys who were placed at 1 and 2. So there is hope! :) That is awful there is no update on getting him moved.. as I type it here it is now the 5th..so two more days till the 7th! :banana:

Actually we're open to 2 sibs. Or rather were until just last month. Our 14 year old son doesn't mind 2 foster kids, so long as their not related. Kind of makes sense, he doesn't want to be the odd man out. And we've had at least 6 - 8 or more singles over the years... from 5-8, but ALL of them went back to their parent / families. We were actually told, singles are more frequent than doubles, but that triple kids were the most common. We don't have space/beds for that. And until just last month, we were hoping to have 2 sibs.... But our son did bring up a valid point, so we have to account for his needs / desires too. Hopefully we'll have more info tomorrow about our foster child's removal. Our entire family is ready and willing (etc) for him to move on. We wish him well, but.... We're just not a good fit. I'll post an update as soon as I know anything. We'll miss him, but he needs more help than we can give.

Finally! Heard this morning. He's going to be removed Friday at 9. Which means he'll probably actually be removed around 10 ish. No offense to her, but she's NEVER been on time. Also technically, today (1/1/14) is day 30 - I counted. I know, it's petty, but.... It's just gotten that bad. All of us are to the point where we're very glad this is happening. Once he's ... moved on, I can get out the rest of the Christmas Candy. I've only had 2 candy bars! He ate all of his Christmas Candy in less than 4 hours. His stocking was at least 1/3 full of candy, treats, etc. I didn't realize until that night that ALL of his candy had been consumed. Usually the left over candy, goes into a bowl on the table - for anyone to grab one or two.... But since all the child wants to do is eat or play, hubbie and I decided it'd prob be best to wait to put out the candy.... He ate 4 candy canes one night. Must've snuck them to his room I guess...we've found food wrappers in the past. No real proof, but the evidence is there. All I know is there were 10 candy canes on the table when I went to bed. When I got up the next morn, there were only 6. I went to bed at midnight and was up at 6. Nobody else was up. Asked hubbie and son (who don't really care for candy canes either), but they both denied. But, finally! Hopefully our next child will be "the one." Based on past experience, prob not. I'm trying to resign myself to a "family" of 3 as we've decided to only foster for 2-3 more years.... Hitting 50 and 60 respectively. Hopefully we'll find "the one" and be able to adopt...

OK. He's been removed. A bit of a happy/sad time. He seemed happy about it. He gets to go back to the treatment center and the "workers" there are people that he missed. I am a bit miffed however. Apparently there was a placement hearing yesterday. Obviously we couldn't attend and were, in fact, told since he's being removed at the same time, not to worry about it Our case worker would attend in our stead. Apparently it was, at least partly, a character assassination. I was characterized as being dominant and aggressive. I will admit to being somewhat dominant, not aggressive. Not long ago, this was a desirable trait particularly for parenting Foster Kids. Many of the kids have issues and need a "dominant" (no nonsense type of thing) role model. I may have phrased that wrong, but.... I just remember that being somewhat dominant was a positive thing. Now it's not? As for aggressive. No. I CAN be aggressive, particularly where my family is concerned, but otherwise... hahahaha. I am actually a marshmallow inside. You don't get to see that right away. If you take the time to get to know me, you realize this little secret. lol Another reason for my being thought of as aggressive? Apparently, my talking quickly to them while I walked them out. Let me explain. I was not able to speak to them when the child was around. He eavesdrops. He stands around corners listening. He stands outside doors listening while people are inside talking. He listens in to phone conversations, etc. So, while I walked them out, I was trying to speak to them. I presumed I was supposed to, but I can't do that when the child is there, so it had to be done outside. Even there, he usually came running up for whatever reason. So yes, I did talk fast.... I felt I had to in order to give them information that I THOUGHT they needed to know. As for my spouse : Here's what I was told : *name* ? Hm, yes, he's very ....(specific pause), um, interesting. I get dominant and aggressive and he get's ... interesting? Have they NOT met my spouse? He is fairly easy going, but he's also a task master.... Eventually my case worker said ; "I guess it just goes down to a bad placement." Duh! I've been saying that and expressing my misgivings for 3 of the past 4 months! But everyone kept saying to just give it time, it'll work out. I can't change who I am. I have a BS. I was trained to "be in charge." In my working experience, I was almost always the "lead." Usually overseeing as few as 4 people to as many as 20+. Anything went wrong it was my fault as the lead. I guess that translates as dominant. I'm in my mid 40's. I've been trained to be..."dominant." That's who I am. And my spouse also works late swings (and has for 20+ years). I am the one in charge when he's not here. Again, the in charge thing. I'm used to being in charge, I'm comfortable in that position. I've had no choice but to be in that position. Oh, one more thing. I was told "they" found my house dirty and cluttered. Obviously NOT dirty enough to remove the child.... So, what's up with that? And I have 4 dogs. Lot's of fur here and there, plus another child.... My spouse is an avid gardener - tracks lot's of leaves and mud into the house. No, my house is not sterile, but is CLEAN. I take offense to this statement. Yes there is clutter.... What can I say? We as a family like to read. There are lot's of books here and there and in little nooks and cranny's (as my mother would say). But a previous caseworker said not to worry about it. We weren't asking for a baby, or toddler, or even a pre school aged, so clutter would NOT be an issue. So why is this coming up? Sorry, I am droning on. I am hoping to get some feed back from y'all. To say the least upon hearing all of this I was seriously taken aback. I believe that's the correct word? I was shocked and hurt. And, of course, a little angry. How will this affect our getting another child? Or will it? Our case worker said we're not "in trouble," no nothings going to come in the mail. It was a verbal discussion. PS I must say, regardless of the above, I do feel much relieved. *heavy sigh*

I would think it will matter little to not at all. You might not get another child from THAT child's caseworker and she likely won't recommend you to another caseworker for a placement; but because of how children are placed, chances are it won't make much of an effect at all.

Thats a low blow to do that verbally..and pretty offensive. That stinks!! But it shouldnt affect any further placements... Let us know when you get a new placement!

It's 2 months to the day since his removal. Four months since the incident. Still no placement. :confused: But, perhaps we have a reason? To make a long story short, "the powers that be" are trying to say we're guilty of medical neglect." We are of course fighting this opinion. The dog bite was dismissed, but they're saying the wound "might" have been infected. In less than 48 hours? The photo's taken the very next day (after the ER visit 3 days after the incident) show NO infection. The ER Dr didn't notice any infection. She prescribed antibiotics, "just in case." Our own family Dr who saw him 3 days after this saw no infection. Etc. The school nurse, who screamed dog bite (!) seems to have said to someone that the wound was infected, in less than 48 hours, more like 36 hours... Is it possible to have a visible "infection" in less than say 48 hours? The would was cleaned/ peroxided/rubbing alcohol, etc, twice daily. Nobody outside of the school nurse (so far as we know) noted anything like that. And why wasn't he removed immediately? If they were worried about the supposed dog bite and suddenly an infection why wasn't he removed? And they want to know why we didn't seek medical aid (going right away to the ER)? Our answer - the wound didn't need medical aid. There were 2 scratches and one tiny cut on his left palm. That's it. Our own child has had worse wounds and needed no medical aid. So here we sit while the part about some supposed infection is still in review. Since 2/14/14. We were cleared of the dog bite immediately. The only other possibility would be a fall of some sort. Scratches. Since when do you run to the Dr/ER for scratches? Every time a child trims a bush (which is what he'd been doing that day with my hubbie) and gets a scratch (very common) are we supposed to go running to the ER? Lovely way to waste tax payers money.... Our CW has called with a few kids, mostly teenagers. We've said yes to about 6-8 of them, but ... nothing. And the teens we've been called on seem to have aggression issues, or turancy, or run aways, etc. I am just wondering if we're not getting the ... better (for lack of better wording) kids because of this incident? And why no younger kids? We thought we had 2 boys for respite this week, but out of the blue we were told they'd changed their mind and wouldn't need respite. They were both under 10. That really makes me wonder....