Open adoption after foster care?

We now have a very open adoption with bio family. Our daughter came to us at 18 months and adopted at 2. Dad had already been terminated and Mom actually signed her rights over and named us as the adoptive family(we had DD as a foster placement). We agreed to 4 visits a year with Mom and had no contact with Dad. The visits never happened due to Mom not being available and within a few months of adopting, I found Dad and initiated contact. Our case was not the norm, but the basis for being in care had to do with lower mental ability and neglect, not abuse and there weren't any criminal issues, violence, drugs, etc. We took it very slowly in getting to know Dad, who has turned out to be a great parent to his now 3 yr old son(with same bio Mom). Mom has issues in that she just doesn't get how to care for or raise a child and she has an diagnosed mental illness and is probably bi-polar. We see them about every 3 months or so and our DD knows they are her first parents, she knows her brother and also extended family with Grandma, Grandpa, cousins, Aunts, Uncles, etc. She is now almost 7 yrs old, so we've had plenty of time to work on openness and everything is based on what is best for DD. We also have a teen who came to us at 14 yrs old(now 17). She has no contact with her bio mother, but does see an older sister who is 23 fairly often. Her sister had been told that she did not want any contact with her, but our DD did not know the family had been told this. We went and searched to find her sister. That relationship has been fantastic for her and us. Usually in foster care, there is a concern when the family has issues with violence, jail, drugs, etc., that may make any contact unwanted, but every child has different needs. I think the majority have no contact due to behaviors of the bios.

Our LO is a baby, so there is no bond. We are only sending pix to biomom, and more than that was discouraged by the dept. Some bios just cannot parent while others have serious issues, so it will likely depend on the family you are involved with.

Our adoption from foster care will finalize this summer. The girls are 15 and 11. They want NO contact with their bio father. His rights were terminated months ago. Bio mom signed over her rights after 15yo asked her to "Let them go". I asked the girls to write a letter at Christmas and I wrote one myself. I sent several pictures. This is our current plan for mom. The girls were uncomfortable with phone contact (she lives in another state) because she would either forget it was phone day or she would simply cry the entire time. We have learned that she is trying to change the adoption plan to an open plan with full contact. At this time, we do not feel that this is healthy or helpful for the girls. Our girls also have three older siblings, all in their 20's. They had some contact with two of them in their previous foster home - it did not go well. We told the girls that we will be happy to set up a Facebook account specifically for them to contact their brothers and sister. We only have one rule: They cannot be mean to our girls. They cannot say horrible things or accuse the girls abandoning their family. (This happened the last time they had contact) It's tricky. We know they want contact, but are unsure and worried about how they will be treated. We don't want to be "the bad guy" who kept them from their siblings. Time will tell. So, with that being said, you'll have to take it a day at a time. Keep control of the contact because you are the parent and it's your job to help your child work through their emotions regarding their past.

I send pics once or twice a year, thru the sw so the post mark on the envelope doesn't give away our location

I have a huge variety of openness with both our birth families. We have regular visits with the siblings of our children, both adult and teenager, and additional visits with extended family. We've had some email contact with the birth parents of my son, after finalization, and may also have some email contact with my daughter's birthmother after we finalize with her. Really early on we set out what our boundaries were, and how that looked. We've adjusted those as we've built more trust. Because both our children were adopted as older children, they had existing relationships that needed to be maintained. It's been mostly positive. Not always easy, but positive.

I have a huge variety of openness with both our birth families. We have regular visits with the siblings of our children, both adult and teenager, and additional visits with extended family. We've had some email contact with the birth parents of my son, after finalization, and may also have some email contact with my daughter's birthmother after we finalize with her. Really early on we set out what our boundaries were, and how that looked. We've adjusted those as we've built more trust. Because both our children were adopted as older children, they had existing relationships that needed to be maintained. It's been mostly positive. Not always easy, but positive.

That's scary! I don't think I would want an open adoption in the foster circumstance.

There are many reasons that parent's rights are terminated and those children are adopted through foster care. Not all of these parents are scary, violent people and in those situations, the court, the CW and others do not recommend any type of open adoption. There may be some communication such as pictures or updates for them, but not always. The type of adoption people agree on for their children, involves what is best for the child. I can't say it is easy, but it is definitely what my child needs and she was adopted through foster care.

Our bio mom is willing to sign her rights over depending on how much I will allow contact. Mom has tendencies of violence (was in jail for it) so I am going to say once a month and see now that goes. First visit that doesn't go well and I call it all off. Bio mom will only have an email address for communication and visits will be in public place limited to one hour.

Once a month is a lot to commit to for the rest of their childhood. Maybe you'd aim for once per month, but I would see if you could formally agree to less. Also make sure that there's some sort of "best interest of the child" clause. So if the visits are no longer healthy for the child, especially due to the birth parents behaviours, then you can suspend or end the visits.

I offered 4 visits a year and was told (by pretty much everyone in the system) that this was generous. most people do 1 or 2 visits per year You can always offer more later, but (as pp stated) this is the minimum commitment for at least another decade as for why you'd do this.. if your child has a bond with their BM (if girls are in the 4-6 range, they likely do), removing that connection should no be done lightly That doesn't mean you do endless, unsupervised visits.

We have two visits per year with our son's bmom. He was placed with us at 11 months and adopted at 2 1/2. And they are good for my son. We usually go bowling & for lunch. It is good for him to be connected with his first mom. It also always opens a dialogue between him and me about his adoption. It is only because of those visits that we learned that his brother went into foster care. We became great friends with B's foster mom and the boys get together regularly. We are now adopting a 6 year old boy who was with us as an infant, went back to bmom for 3 years, then came back to us. We have offered an open adoption but not sure if she is able to follow through. Openness can also be a two way street - we had a little girl for four year before she was placed with kin. We still see her every 4-6 weeks. Every visit is a gift for our family.Every situation is different - but don't discount the need for children to have a connection to their birth family.

We have two visits per year with our son's bmom. He was placed with us at 11 months and adopted at 2 1/2. And they are good for my son. We usually go bowling & for lunch. It is good for him to be connected with his first mom. It also always opens a dialogue between him and me about his adoption. It is only because of those visits that we learned that his brother went into foster care. We became great friends with B's foster mom and the boys get together regularly. We are now adopting a 6 year old boy who was with us as an infant, went back to bmom for 3 years, then came back to us. We have offered an open adoption but not sure if she is able to follow through. Openness can also be a two way street - we had a little girl for four year before she was placed with kin. We still see her every 4-6 weeks. Every visit is a gift for our family. Every situation is different - but don't discount the need for children to have a connection to their birth family.

As you can probably tell, yes, there are open adoptions in foster care. We are one of them. There are also varying degrees of openness. We currently see bio great grandma, and maternal aunt and her son (DD's bio cousin). We are open to visiting with bio mom later, but she is incarcerated at this time and she still has some ill feelings about the whole situation. I hope one day we can include her in visits-for DD's sake. She is only three, but has already asked some questions about her first mom. We do not have any type of contact with bio father's side of the family. They have shown no interest whatsoever. I also have a safety concern for bio dad, so I am not sure there ever will be contact, even if he showed an interest. Our DD was placed with us at 6 weeks old, so she doesn't have a prior bond with her family. But I do still have the visits for her. Because I know when she is older she will have questions. This is one way I can provide answers and it is safe to do so. We were just invited to her bio cousin's birthday party coming up. I want to go for DD, but I am not sure what I will do as we have not had contact with the rest of the family that I assume will be there. Not sure if I want to make this the time for the first contact with many of them. But I love that her aunt feels comfortable enough to invite us. I actually am very grateful that we have had a smooth "open adoption" with the maternal side of the family. I hope that this contact will help DD when she is older to help answer at least some questions she will have. While I would carefully think about open adoption in foster care, I don't think it should be out of the question simply because the kids were adopted out of foster care. It should definitely be a case by case basis.

It is your choice. It can be open or closed. You can decide the type of openess you want. Also, you can make it open and later on change it to closed adoption or viceversa. It depends on each case. We were adviced by DCFS to have a closed adoption and change names. Biological parents were extremely dangerous and too complicated. So we did!