CASA boundaries help...

The problem is that she hides a lot of what she does from the CW (CW told me this herself). She undermines the home that they are currently in. She bought the kids a pet, told them NOT to tell the family member that they lived with and she snuck the pet in to the kids room. The family member that they live with never goes to the part of the house that these kids live in so she was not aware that it even existed. Well the pet got out of the room one day (we are not talking about a small pet either) and the family member found out and was not happy about it. However since the CASA bought it for the kids, she let them have it because the CASA works for the state (in her eyes). Our CW totally thinks that our oldest daughter will use the CASA as someone to help her get her way. "My mom said that I cannot do this, I think that it is dumb, what do you think?" kind of stuff. We (CW and I) agree that our daughter will do this and that the CASA will play in to that and that will hinder the bond between her and us. I really wish that the court would just dismiss her so that we could move on without her.

Wow, this changes everything!!!! No way she will be helpful in your bonding! Kids will say, "they're sooo mean they won't let me have a pony" and she will say, "I agree, lets go get you that pony."Let the social worker be the bad guy and so the girls don't feel like you're taking someone away from her, maybe get together occasionally, but as a family. Once they officially move in, can you tell the school that only you are allowed to pick the girls up?

Wow, this changes everything!!!! No way she will be helpful in your bonding! Kids will say, "they're sooo mean they won't let me have a pony" and she will say, "I agree, lets go get you that pony." Let the social worker be the bad guy and so the girls don't feel like you're taking someone away from her, maybe get together occasionally, but as a family. Once they officially move in, can you tell the school that only you are allowed to pick the girls up?

Yes, I can tell the school that. This is a LARGE family of kids. We are only taking three of the kids. She is only that CASA for two of them. However, she goes and has lunch with ALL the other kids in that family that are in care. She bought them ALL bikes. She keeps in touch with all the other kids teachers. Its very odd to me.

Wow. That is really a tough one. A CASA going above and beyond and caring so much is awesome. IF you can figure out a way to reign her in and use her to your advantage, you are golden. Figuring that out is going to be a trick though. First, I would try to get a copy of the CASA guidelines. I bet your case worker can get a copy of those for you. Some of the things she is doing are outside the guidelines for sure (involvement of her son, for instance). I guess I would first make sure you and the case worker are on the same page about the limits. She may have been doing all these things because the care they were getting before was just not adequate or the CW was not adequate. (I have had a kid with a community support worker who was like that but his help was very much needed). She may have over stepped and some of the things may be exaggerations or flat out lies. The pet and having her son involved are over the line. Personally, after finding out what the rules are and making sure the CW will back your expectations, I think I might have a private meeting with her so she doesn't feel threated and flat out tell her that you want this placement to work and you want to talk about her expectations and yours. And then tell her what your expectations are. The first and foremost being, you are the primary caregiver and she should treat you like you are their parent and she is a service provider. She should ask you before she takes them anywhere. Never pick them up for school. Communicate with YOU about their progress in school. And generally set up her interactions and visits with them through you. For instance, if she wants to take them to a movie, she should call you and say, I want to take them to a movie on Wednesday. Does that work for you? You should be able to ask what movie. Really, she should think of herself as an involved Aunt or Grandparent, if she is trying to figure out how the relationship is supposed to look. And of course be effusively grateful for all the gaps she is has filled and how important she is to the kids and just let her know, you hope you can now fill most those gaps. After your meeting, report what was discussed with the case worker. And the first time she steps over the line, let the CW know.FWIW, I think she is entitled to check on their grades with the school and pick them up from school. I am pretty sure the order appointing her gives her that power.

Wow. That is really a tough one. A CASA going above and beyond and caring so much is awesome. IF you can figure out a way to reign her in and use her to your advantage, you are golden. Figuring that out is going to be a trick though. First, I would try to get a copy of the CASA guidelines. I bet your case worker can get a copy of those for you. Some of the things she is doing are outside the guidelines for sure (involvement of her son, for instance). I guess I would first make sure you and the case worker are on the same page about the limits. She may have been doing all these things because the care they were getting before was just not adequate or the CW was not adequate. (I have had a kid with a community support worker who was like that but his help was very much needed). She may have over stepped and some of the things may be exaggerations or flat out lies. The pet and having her son involved are over the line. Personally, after finding out what the rules are and making sure the CW will back your expectations, I think I might have a private meeting with her so she doesn't feel threated and flat out tell her that you want this placement to work and you want to talk about her expectations and yours. And then tell her what your expectations are. The first and foremost being, you are the primary caregiver and she should treat you like you are their parent and she is a service provider. She should ask you before she takes them anywhere. Never pick them up for school. Communicate with YOU about their progress in school. And generally set up her interactions and visits with them through you. For instance, if she wants to take them to a movie, she should call you and say, I want to take them to a movie on Wednesday. Does that work for you? You should be able to ask what movie. Really, she should think of herself as an involved Aunt or Grandparent, if she is trying to figure out how the relationship is supposed to look. And of course be effusively grateful for all the gaps she is has filled and how important she is to the kids and just let her know, you hope you can now fill most those gaps. After your meeting, report what was discussed with the case worker. And the first time she steps over the line, let the CW know. FWIW, I think she is entitled to check on their grades with the school and pick them up from school. I am pretty sure the order appointing her gives her that power.

I have to say I totally changed my tune when I heard that she bought a pet and instructed the kids to hide it from her caregivers. This is not OK, regardless of whether her caregivers are perfect or horrible. When it was going overboard buying stuff and taking them out, I was thinking she was good hearted and wanted them to have nice things (even if it was overboard). The pet thing changes the whole tone for me.

This CASA worker's behavior is just plain weird. I am reading this and thinking the worker's behavior is almost like grooming behavior. Or like she has an abnormal fixation to some degree to the kids. I have never heard of a CASA worker who did this kind of stuff.

THIS is what I was thinking! I'd go to the top with this lady- her CASA supervisor. If that person doesn't do anything, go higher. I would say that you're worried (and SW is worried) that the relationship between the CASA and kids is abnormal. Possibly dangerous.

This does not sound emotionally healthy for the children. I would make sure the CW has set boundaries and that they are followed. Even though a CASA is in some cases is a volunteer, they do have a person supervising them. I would make sure the CW has also spoken to the supervisor. Asking children to lie and showering them with gifts is a huge red flag that the relationship is inappropriate. With that history I'd be seeing if a new CASA could be assigned if one is still needed. I'd also be calling the children's lawyer.

Is this the CASA's first kids? If so I think that could explain some of this, although I do agree with the others that she is inappropriate. CASA's are all gung-ho in the beginning--I had a FD with a CASA like that, but she was appropriate. My current FS's CASA has been doing it for 20 years and we've seen him twice in 1 1/2 years. Regardless, you need to talk to her supervisor. Allowing her adult son to have unsupervised access to your FKs is beyond inappropriate and could lead to allegations.

Well, you tried contacting the CW and it doesn't appear you got an appropriate response. Get in touch with the CASA supervisor/coordinator. Also, have the kids' releases at school changed so that the kids cannot leave with her and work out a visitation area at the school if she must visit with them there. Holy smokes - totally out of line.

Honestly, I am pretty sure you cannot stop the school stuff. I know that when I represent a kid I have a court order allowing me unfettered access to them at home and at school, access to any information about them by court order and it specficially lists school and medical professionals and the ability to take them anywhere, whenever I want. I guess I am not as worried about her being a creep because I don't necessarily trust the sources you got all the information from.

My AD had a CASA. She was wonderful, and still is! We are Facebook friends. She had scheduled visits with Princess Buttercup and would take her to Mc Donalds or a movie or the mall. When she bought presents, which wasn't every time, they were in the $10 range. She will post to our daughter once every few months in response to my daughter's post. Always positive and upbeat. We invited her to the adoption ceremony and she drove over an hour to attend. She NEVER sticks her oar in, but will say nice, encouraging and positive things in response to things we post online. This is my only experience with a CASA worker, but it seems much more healthy than what you are describing. If your CASA worker's behaviors are giving you the wiggins, follow your gut. It's usually right. It's all about protecting your child, and though her behaviors are not overtly damaging, they may still cause problems, and who needs more of those if they can be avoided? It sounds to me like these are her first kids, and if that's true, then consider her in training. She can't learn if no one teaches her. She may have a heart of gold and just needs guidance, and the system can use people like that if she can be instructed to handle things with a little less intensity.

Update: Our CW had a sit down with her and her supervisor. Turns out this is her first go-round as a CASA. Where we live the CASA is not allowed to take them out of their house or school without special permission with the CW or CW-Supervisor. None of which was given. CASA called me on Friday and asked if we could talk. I told her that I was super busy but I could talk to her on the phone right then if she would like (last time that she came to my house she sat crying on my couch and I felt uncomfortable). She said that she took our FD out to lunch (approved) and told her that the court was going to dismiss her but that she did not want to lose touch with her (she again started crying). She said that she is going to take my lead on when she can contact FD again. I told her that until we adopt here that it was out of my hands, she needs to contact our CW for that. She said "What if FD wants to call me, will you let her call me or would you also let that go thru CW" I said "I would let that go thru CW until we finalize the adoption." She gave this "Huh" sound and a little chuckle. Kinda like a "seriously?!" I told her that I would not going to do ANYTHING that would hinder this placement for us. We love these kids and we do not want to step out of line. I told her that we follow all of the rules of DCFS. She said "Fine, I will email CW and I will cc you on the message so that everyone knows where we stand." I said "That would be great. Thank you." She hung up. I asked our FD how the talk went with the CASA and she said "Ok" and did not want to talk more. I hope that the CASA worker did not tell her that it was ok to still keep in contact behind our backs, but I am pretty sure that is what she did by the way our FD was acting.