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My husband and I are being considered for a child who has been diagnosed with FASD. I do not yet know to what extent, or what the diagnosis was based on, other than in photographs the child does not show the facial characteristics.
I have not seen much discussion about living with children who have FASD recently, and I don't remember much about the older stories I've read.
Can anyone share what their life is/was like with a child with that diagnosis? What were the typical behaviors you saw at different ages? What was hardest? Easiest? Unexpected?
Is it something you would do again? What would you tell someone who was considering it?
Thanks!
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The "S" in FASD stands for "spectrum". The bottom line is that a child whose birthmother drank during pregnancy can show almost no effect from the prenatal alcohol exposure -- or the child can be very severely brain damaged and have significant problems with impulse control, learning, and so on. A lot depends on when, during the birthmother's pregnancy, the developing fetus was exposed to alcohol. It also depends on how much and how often the birthmother drank. And a lot also depends on hard-to-quantify factors like how resilient the child is, what genetic factors are at play, and so on. Given that many women aren't completely honest with their doctors about how much drinking they're "really" doing, Personally, I could not make the decision to adopt a child with significant prenatal exposure to alcohol. While some children may have almost no symptoms of FASD, I I know that, with some of the kids I have seen, I couldn't possibly meet their needs. Can you handle a child who suffers from major impulse control problems -- who, even at 7 or 8, is still running into the road to get a ball without thinking about the consequences -- being struck by a car and getting severely injured? Can you parent a child of ten who can't figure out that if you do a simple subtraction problem, like 10-2=? , the answer should be smaller than the first number? Can you deal with a child who is constantly in motion, who doesn't remember a thing you tell him, and who is always bumping into something and breaking it or getting hurt? Will you be able to afford care for physical problems often associated with FASD, such as curvature of the spine, webbed or missing fingers and toes, hip dislocations, and -- perhaps worst of all -- incomplete brain development? Can you handle a child who grows to adulthood, but cannot live on his own, or who tries to live on his own but makes such bad decisions that the police get involved?Parenting a child who has been prenatally exposed to alcohol and has even moderate impairment isn't easy. I give thanks for all the families who have found the courage and strength to do so, because kids with FASD deserve a loving home. But I know my limits. I adopted when I was 51 and single, and my daughter was 18 months old. Luckily, my daughter was healthy, had no FASD issues, and was truly amazing. But if she had been alcohol exposed, I wonder how I'd find the strength to get through each day.As some adoptive parents say, if you plan to adopt a child with FASD, "Expect the worst and hope for the best." Whether your child has the characteristic FASD physical features isn't going to give you a definitive answer about the degree of impairment he will have. He was exposed to a toxic substance that can cause brain damage. A specialist can probably give you a sense of the child's degree of impairment -- as an example, there's an excellent FASD clinic at the University of Washington, and it can also train parents to maximize their FASD child's potential. But there are going to be some unknowns, and you'd better prepare for them.
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The "S" in FASD stands for "spectrum". The bottom line is that a child whose birthmother drank during pregnancy can show almost no effect from the prenatal alcohol exposure -- or the child can be very severely brain damaged and have significant problems with impulse control, learning, and so on. A lot depends on when, during the birthmother's pregnancy, the developing fetus was exposed to alcohol. It also depends on how much and how often the birthmother drank. And a lot also depends on hard-to-quantify factors like how resilient the child is, what genetic factors are at play, and so on. Given that many women aren't completely honest with their doctors about how much drinking they're "really" doing,
Personally, I could not make the decision to adopt a child with significant prenatal exposure to alcohol. While some children may have almost no symptoms of FASD, I I know that, with some of the kids I have seen, I couldn't possibly meet their needs. Can you handle a child who suffers from major impulse control problems -- who, even at 7 or 8, is still running into the road to get a ball without thinking about the consequences -- being struck by a car and getting severely injured? Can you parent a child of ten who can't figure out that if you do a simple subtraction problem, like 10-2=? , the answer should be smaller than the first number? Can you deal with a child who is constantly in motion, who doesn't remember a thing you tell him, and who is always bumping into something and breaking it or getting hurt? Will you be able to afford care for physical problems often associated with FASD, such as curvature of the spine, webbed or missing fingers and toes, hip dislocations, and -- perhaps worst of all -- incomplete brain development? Can you handle a child who grows to adulthood, but cannot live on his own, or who tries to live on his own but makes such bad decisions that the police get involved?
Parenting a child who has been prenatally exposed to alcohol and has even moderate impairment isn't easy. I give thanks for all the families who have found the courage and strength to do so, because kids with FASD deserve a loving home. But I know my limits. I adopted when I was 51 and single, and my daughter was 18 months old. Luckily, my daughter was healthy, had no FASD issues, and was truly amazing. But if she had been alcohol exposed, I wonder how I'd find the strength to get through each day.
As some adoptive parents say, if you plan to adopt a child with FASD, "Expect the worst and hope for the best." Whether your child has the characteristic FASD physical features isn't going to give you a definitive answer about the degree of impairment he will have. He was exposed to a toxic substance that can cause brain damage. A specialist can probably give you a sense of the child's degree of impairment -- as an example, there's an excellent FASD clinic at the University of Washington, and it can also train parents to maximize their FASD child's potential. But there are going to be some unknowns, and you'd better prepare for them.