How do you manage/treat adult RAD?

Hi, I am new here, and found out this great forum while looking for reactive attachment disorder in adults. I have had that aha moment ever since I started reading about the subject, after my boyfriend suggested I may have it (and broke up with me..). Anyway, I was adopted at 6 months into a family that was well off and always gave me what I needed, we had a great house, private school, holidays several times a year and lots of extra curricular activities, but I cant say my mother was very nurturing or loving. I donҒt remember the last time she gave me a hug and I think she never said I love you to me. Feelings were taboo and there were lots of things we ignored, never talking about them, like depression from other family members, or I would learn death and divorces from third parties instead of my mother. While I am pretty certain my RAD problems originate during my 6 months at the orphanage (where I think I was also half decently treated but as much as you can be treated well in an orphanage), my adoptive mother never gave me much affection. I have most of the symptoms described in adult RAD articles, like the lack of empathy, passive withdrawal, inability to sustain a long term relationship, friendship or work relationship, and so on. But for as much as I have read, I never found out how people overcome it. How do you practice, one step at a time, trying to bond more with people? I have long abandoned the idea to be close to my family, from as far as I can remember (always knew I was adopted), I always felt I didnt belong, I didnҒt get along with my sister, and to the rest of my family, except for a deceased grandparent, I was just there like a plant would, and not taken into consideration. For as un-maternal as my mother was, she always seemed to know something was wrong with me and went into tremendous effort to help me make friends, like she would help me throw parties, invite my friends on holidays, or ask me if I would like to go out and socialize. Instead I wanted to stay in with a book or looked for adult company when I was in a social setting. I dreaded summer camp and having to form new friendships that would last 2 weeks. Even now as an adult, I have trouble getting into relationships because I move a lot, so even if I am in a place for two years, I dont see the point in making new friends, since we will part eventually. I know that is crazy but thatҒs how I reason. Regarding boyfriends I have had a few who were really into me and I scared away every single one. Some from the start told me I was great but they couldnt imagine getting married or starting a family with me. They didnҒt give many details, I guess for fear of hurting me. One of them proposed and I ran away. Another one proposed and I laughed at him. I think I would have been unhappy with both, but why start dating? I always choose partners I know I cant have a long term future with. Younger, older, doesnҒt want kids, etc. One one side I feel like I am unworthy of a relationship because I have low self esteem and on the other side I feel like the best catch in the whole world and no one is good enough for me. That is really strange. So I start going out with a guy, and the first thing I do when he opens up is find out his weaknesses so I have a bargain pointӔ in case he tries to hurt me. I do manage to open up sexually but have such a hard time expressing my feelings, showing I care, displaying affection in front of third parties that they end up thinking I never loved them. It may be true, I am not sure I know what love is. Anyway, I very much want to find a partner I could be myself with, and have a family and long term plans with, but donŒt know where to start? If you struggle with RAD as an adult, how do you manage?