Adopting After Dissolution??

Just sent a pm to you. Please let me know if you don't receive it. Sincerely, Linny

Linny, I did not receive it :(

Linny,I also sent you (I think it's you...!) a message on AdoptiveFamiliesCircle. I don't think my PM is working on here. Can you try again on here and also check your inbox on AFC? i'd really like to talk to you if possible!!

Linny, I also sent you (I think it's you...!) a message on AdoptiveFamiliesCircle. I don't think my PM is working on here. Can you try again on here and also check your inbox on AFC? i'd really like to talk to you if possible!!

Sent one back to you on AFC. I have had trouble with my pm's as well. Hope to hear from you soon.. Sincerely, Linny

Hello, we adopted two children from Africa and disrupted 3 years later due to RAD, danger to younger sibling, and lack of attachment. Just like you, I had my heart was set on adoption, I always wanted to adopt. We were completely devastated that our adopted children had to move to a new family and we had to say goodbye to them. Later I chose embryo adoption. I gave birth to my adopted baby boy in August. He is amazing and we all love him so much. It is all about early trauma, our adopted kids were abused and neglected in the orphanage and they did not learn to form attachments. This baby boy knew nothing but love since his birth. He was frozen as an embryo for 4 years. He is my reward, hope and redemption. I absolutely recommend this type of adoption.

I know a woman who adopted after dissolving an adoption.The single Caucasian woman, an American, was living and working long-term in an African country, which she loved, when she did an independent adoption of a child from that country. Shortly afterwards, her U.S. based employer suddenly announced that she was being transferred back to the U.S. and given a new position. She got that news at about the same time as a long term relationship ended. She became depressed enough to seek mental health help, and realistically worried about things like whether her income would allow her to meet her child's needs in the U.S. -- it allowed her to live quite well in Africa -- and whether she could raise a healthy Black child in the U.S. She made the decision to dissolve the adoption, arranged for a well-qualified American couple to foster the child in the foreign country until a new family could be found, paid the child's education expenses (no free public education there) and other legitimate expenses, such as counseling, and so on. Eventually, the foster family decided to adopt the child.Several years later, now working in the U.S., the woman decided that she still wanted a child. She applied to adopt a child from an Asian country, had a homestudy, applied for the required USCIS approval, and so on. Unfortunately, the adoptive family of the child she relinquished began contacting organizations and government agencies to say that the woman should not be allowed to adopt after a dissolution. The USCIS contacted her social worker to find out if the homestudy agency knew about the dissolution. The agency said that it was fully informed from the beginning, and that the way she handled the dissolution was very appropriate. Ultimately, she got USCIS approval, put together her dossier for the foreign country, and received the referral of a delightful, healthy one year old. Mom and daughter did fine, except for a couple of years when they lived in Africa and the girl experienced prejudice; it was hard on the daughter, who also had to learn a new language, and the mother realized that it was not fair to her to subject her daughter to such situations by living abroad. Today, the girl is in college in the U.S., and hopes to work in international relations when she graduates. She loves her Mom and is quite well adjusted. While some people may second-guess the agency's decision to let that woman adopt, with your situation, I doubt that any agency would deny you the right to adopt again. Unfortunately, there are some children -- fortunately, not many -- who turn out to be unable to live in a family. They threaten their parents with a carving knife, molest siblings, throw the cat out the window, set fire to the house, and so on. They can be superficially charming to get what they want, do not bond with their parents or anyone else, lie outrageously, and are sometimes labeled as little sociopaths, although what they have, most commonly, is a serious form of reactive attachment disorder, where they fail to develop a conscience, often as a result of past abuse or neglect, or of multiple foster or adoptive placements. As no parents can stay awake 24 hours a day, and monitor the offending child 24 hours a day, while still having a good marriage, raising other children, and holding a job, it is usually necessary for such children to go into a residential treatment setting where they can receive intensive supervision and therapy. While some children are, ultimately, able to return to their parents' home, others can never do so. And while some parents can afford to pay for what may be years of residential treatment, most cannot -- and insurance generally doesn't pay; often, the parents are told that the only way to get a child into residential treatment is to relinquish him/her to the state, which will then be obliged to place him/her in care.If you have documentation to support your claim that the child was a threat to himself and others, if you have documentation about the ways in which you tried to help the child, and if you went through a legitimate process to relinquish your child and have him/her placed in the sort of care he/she needed, you should have no problem getting an agency to approve you. After what you have been through, you probably deserve a chance to see what a normal family life can be. Most social workers know about severe RAD in children who have endured abuse, neglect, and/or multiple placements, and will be extremely supportive of parents who were forced to make the decision to relinquish. Unfortunately, they also know that prospective parents often receive "sanitized" versions of information about children they are considering for adoption, which fail to document the severity of their problems. If you are willing to "get back on your horse" and try to adopt again, my guess is that you will succeed. For your own sake and that of any child you adopt, however, I would suggest that you get some counseling to work through the grief and pain you suffered in making the decision to relinquish, and to heal as a family that has been through Hell in trying to deal with a child who has severe RAD.Sharon