Found my Birth Mom

It is definitely normal. You don't know one another, yet you're related. There can most definitely be awkward moments. "What do I do next?" We cannot answer that for you. What do you want to do next? Just make sure to communicate your decisions to your b-mom. Relationships typically take time to build. You're best friend probably didn't become your best friend after one meeting.... If you give the relationship time to grow and just accept that there will be some awkwardness, you may develop a connection.

Its funny you talk about my best friend, because that is exactly what happened. We were on the same baseball team that my Dad coached, he came over for a pool party for the team and was the last to leave and we have been best friends ever since. But you are right, It only makes sense that this will take time. and, I'm, usually not good at small talk to begin with. I guess this will give me a good chance to get better at it. Thanks for the response.

Somewhere along the line I was taught that it takes about 6 hours of contact between two people before trust is built. (And they weren't talked about people who meet with the baggage of adoption separating them.)You have said that you aren't usually good at small talk at the beginning of relationships; she may be the same way. When I met my bson 10 years ago, I was amazed at the gestures he made that reminded me of his birth father. (My husband agreed so it wasn't just my imagination.) Has she emailed you pictures and have you emailed them to her. When my son first got my information he looked up my website and found a picture of me (discovering that we look a lot alike) As L4R says, what do you you want? Is there information you'd like to know? Do you want an on-going relationship? What does your bmom want? (To find out... ask her!) For me, just knowing my son was alive meant so much and I would have had that even if he didn't want an on-going relationship. Every reunion is unique. 10 years into our reunion D and I have a very comfortable relationship. I called it a roller coaster... not because of difficulty with our relationship but because of all the emotions.

Somewhere along the line I was taught that it takes about 6 hours of contact between two people before trust is built. (And they weren't talked about people who meet with the baggage of adoption separating them.) You have said that you aren't usually good at small talk at the beginning of relationships; she may be the same way. When I met my bson 10 years ago, I was amazed at the gestures he made that reminded me of his birth father. (My husband agreed so it wasn't just my imagination.) Has she emailed you pictures and have you emailed them to her. When my son first got my information he looked up my website and found a picture of me (discovering that we look a lot alike) As L4R says, what do you you want? Is there information you'd like to know? Do you want an on-going relationship? What does your bmom want? (To find out... ask her!) For me, just knowing my son was alive meant so much and I would have had that even if he didn't want an on-going relationship. Every reunion is unique. 10 years into our reunion D and I have a very comfortable relationship. I called it a roller coaster... not because of difficulty with our relationship but because of all the emotions.

Thanks for the reply Kathy. Seems that the key is going to be open, honest communication and finding out what she wants to do. As for what I want, I have no idea. I was planning on following my bMom's lead. I'm pretty easy going and have zero expectations. Thanks again for the reply, all are welcome. Its really helping.

djgolfcan, as a 37 year old adoptee man, I can really relate with your post. A miracle has happened to me too, I found my birth mom after some 30 years. I was adopted young, and only this weekend found her and she's alive and well. You're on a rocket ship of emotions. There is nothing like this, and nothing could prepare you for this moment, but live in it and allow your inner self to heal. I am sharing my own experience here as it's transpired these past 4 days. I hope that it can help you. The odds of me ever finding out anything, let alone getting in touch were near impossible. It was a closed adoption, and the records are sealed in a distant country that has laws as antiquated as some of the states. I only received confirmation yes we are a match on Friday. Initially it was recommended to email, however we ended up having first contact by phone. The moment I saw her picture i had a familiarity, and I started picking out visual markers. It wasn't a memory but just a knowing, and then I heard her voice, her rhythm and timbre of her voice familiar too, and we talked, and talked, and talked. Yes, there were long moments of silence where we just didn't know what to say, but we were just there. Addressing each question as they came up, honestly, and without blame and listening. I am lucky to have released my resentments a number of years ago so I came into this with no judgements, grudges, resentments, opinions, or expectations, just completely open and honest and willing to hear. However nothing could have prepared me on the timing, it just is. Yes, I have experienced pain, but it's of the healing kind and ultimately I've experienced immense joy, second only to the birth of my son. No-one has said anything mean or hurtful to me either, so the pain is very deep rooted. I was not an infant but a young child, and I have no memories of any of those early days. I have done a lot of soul searching over the years to know who I am. I tried to look at every angle of why, what, and when but although there was speculation and assumption, and an understanding of every conceivable angle, there was no definite answer to a single question in my mind. I have it all now. I have half siblings and was dearly missed all these years and have been openly welcomed. Not to say I wasn't given love during my adopted life, but apart from the open knowledge that yes I was adopted and loved, I lacked visual markers, having never looked like anyone other than my son, i felt like a misfit, a refugee, or a great analogy I like to use, a round peg forced into a square hole. I now have a chance to heal old wounds, if not only my own, those of my birth mom and adoptive family too. Finally I've been able to close a 30 odd year old chapter of my life that sat open on the shelf getting dusty. There are so many affected by an adoption but ultimately it's the adoptee that is affected the most. Both adoptee, and birth mom's lives abruptly come to a phycological end, and a new life is started with each, (perhaps as babies, that immediate end and almost rebirth makes it seem like it's easier for the baby?). And both are left with huge emotional scars, whether known or perhaps unknown. I have found being just a completely open vessel in this whole process has been the only way to go and the little boy inside me can eventually come out from the behind the barriers in the recesses of my mind and know that hey, everything is ok. And I have more love to receive and share. Waking up the past few days have also been very lucid for me, profound awareness that I feel lighter. The best and warmest wishes to you on your journey. I hope you are able to heal your wounds, and that your mom, both of them, can also heal their wounds. Do things when you are ready. There will be moments of discomfort and pain, joy and happiness but follow your heart, and do things at your pace and comfort level.

Well,my dear,I made contact with my Natural mother as well in 2015, long pauses animated our conversations;It lasted 48 minutes but we didn't know what to Say. It Is PERFECTLY normal.Rose.Best of luck to all of you.