Failed Home Study for Kinship Care (TX) - What Now?

Would they let you be the sole permanent adoptive parent (and you're fiance though not a "legal" parent would be just as involved? I don't know if you have any interest in marrying, but would this change things if you were married (because one of their concerns was what would happen if you split up). Could she get documentation from the alcohol program she was in that she's been in the clear from it for over 3 years? I can just picture your little guy crying for you at your last visit and you having to slip out, and it just breaks my heart... I hope it all works out as it should! -Spud :Chewie:

I agree with Admin... you and you alone need to seek him, your fianc would just be another adult in the home (although obviously she could be very involved in every aspect of his life). Actually, I thought that was how it works if a couple is not married. One is prime caregiver the other an adult in the home, there was a discussion about this a few days ago. If you got married you'd have to wait two years, so at this point you are better off trying to correct the issues. You need to come up with a plan, another distant relative or even a stable friend or couple that would be willing to be his guardian if something did happen. I wouldn't have thought that your fianc anxiety would be an issue, if she has something stating that she is stable and under profession care. The 3.5 years recovery from alcohol abuse might not be enough time, especially if the addiction had been long term. If you ever get to talk to someone again they might be able to tell you how long they like to see some remain clean and sober, but again if she is just another adult in the home and not technically the prime caregiver it shouldn't matter. They should give you a chance to "fix" the issues so you can take your great nephew. Texas likes to keep families together, so hopefully they would be willing to work with you to get you approved. Let us know how it goes.

I think the alcohol is an issue, not the anxiety. I definitely see the concern. 3½ years just isn't very long in terms of addiction and recovery. However, I know of so many situations (and have been told of others) where people were able to get placement despite a failed homestudy or some concern in their pasts.

I think the alcohol is an issue, not the anxiety. I definitely see the concern. 3 years just isn't very long in terms of addiction and recovery. However, I know of so many situations (and have been told of others) where people were able to get placement despite a failed homestudy or some concern in their pasts.

Alcohol abuse is a big no-no for most agencies, as alcoholics do not make great parents and some tend to relapse under stress, such as the stress of parenting. Many agencies will accept a recovering alcoholic if he/she has had at least ten years of sobriety, although some will reject even then.Most agencies will accept a person who has mild anxiety or depression, if the person's condition is stable on medication and/or talk therapy. Agencies differ with respect to dealing with moderate to severe anxiety or depression that has resulted in one or more hospital admissions or suicide attempts; there's a tendency to reject people, especially if the hospitalization(s) or self-harm attempt(s) occurred in recent years. I have seen some agencies require clients to get a "second opinion" from a psychiatrist, if they aren't sure whether the clients would be able to parent effectively. Many agencies will reject a client who is bipolar or has other psychiatric conditions that are more serious than simple anxiety or depression, even if the client receives treatment. Several years ago, in my area, an adoptive Dad killed himself; it turned out that both he and the adoptive Mom were under treatment for a range of psychiatric issues, for many years, and were not really stable on medication. The normally conservative agency decided to approve them because they managed to hold professional jobs, with a lot of accommodations made for their conditions, and because they had a good support system, but frankly, they should never have been approved. This is the sort of nightmare scenario that causes agencies to be skittish about mental health issues.

I have long suspected this. I haven't wanted to find out. My husband and I have been married over a decade and only have one child because of male infertility. We have been looking forward to when we would be able to look into adoption: two good strong jobs, a home both comfortably in our budget and big enough for more children. All of that was coming together when my husband started having trouble and eventually had to be hospitalized because of suicidal intentions. He is a new man, having recognized how he missed all the signs that he needed help and even hid from me how much his depression had gotten beyond his ability to handle. We were very much looking forward to adopting school-age children. It hurts to think him getting help will be used against us, but I am glad to know before hand.

One thing is in your favor. Homestudy social workers in the U.S. tend to believe that getting help with depression, and overcoming it through talk therapy and medication, is actually much better than not getting help and becoming a parent who is often angry, sad, fearful, and so on, and who may be at risk of suicide or violence. If you are adopting domestically, where there are no official policies about adopting if treated for depression, you may be able to adopt after a few years without any more depressive episodes, suicide attempts, or hospitalizations, especially if you have had only one previous hospitalization. Talk to several homestudy and placement agencies to see what they say, and you may be pleasantly surprised.Now, adopting internationally is a different story. In most countries outside the Western world, people rarely see psychiatrists or other therapists, unless they are psychotic and totally out of touch with reality. As a result, the adoption authorities in those countries assume that, when a person sees a psychiatrist and takes medication for depression or anxiety, he/she must be quite "crazy" and unfit to be a parent. Some countries have actually instituted policies excluding people on antidepressants from adopting. As a result, social workers know that they cannot do a homestudy for people on medication who want to adopt from those countries, and won't even start one. (With international adoption, the country will often have specific things that must be addressed in the homestudy, so there's no such thing as a generic international homestudy, good for all countries. As an example, China wanted singles to sign an affidavit of heterosexuality, and wanted the homestudy social worker to address the issue of sexual orientation in homestudies for singles.)Alcoholism is a different story. Most homestudy social workers are quite negative about alcohol abuse. They know how much it can affect family life -- ask any child of an alcoholic -- and how hard it is to avoid relapses. If an alcoholic has been sober for ten years or more, without relapses, he/she may be approvable, especially if he/she still attends AA meetings regularly and has gotten mental health help, as needed, to address some of the underlying issues that have triggered drinking episodes prior to his/her decision to become sober. Still, quite a few agencies won't approve an alcoholic in recovery at all. One problem with alcohol abuse is that the alcoholic often becomes so good at hiding his/her condition that he/she can fool a homestudy social worker. I talked with one person from an adoption agency who recalled a client that had an approved homestudy done by an outside provider. As it happened the agency person was flying to Russia at the same time as the client, who was going to meet his new son. Probably because of stress, the client began to drink heavily on the plane. By the time he got to Russia, he was so drunk that the Russian authorities, who are used to seeing people drink heavily, put him and his wife on the next plane home, and did not allow them to adopt. They knew chronic alcoholism when they saw it, even if the homestudy worker and placement agency did not. This guy was not just an ordinary person "steadying his nerves"; he had a serious problem -- the same problem that has caused many Russians to have their parental rights. terminated, and their children to be candidates for adoption. Needless to say, the episode did not make the agency look good.Sharon

Yes, we are wanting to adopt domestically. Since we have the space, and I just got the first of several raises in my apprenticeship, I was hoping to start talking to agencies right away. It can't hurt to just talk and ask questions, right?