Kinship Adoption - Advice Dealing with Bioparents

Welcome to the world of Kinship adoption! Mine was through foster care, so there will be some differences. My DD knew her BPs and mummy and daddy. I would call them "mummy T" and "daddy J". Over they years, shes started referring to me as her mom (not just the title). OT - yesterday, I had a visit from another kinship caregiver (dropping off her sister/niece for a sleep over). As frustrated as she was by being relegated to sister status by the kiddo (less of an authority role), i will tell you. .the two tweens in my house, living in kinship adoption for over 5 years each..? they know exactly who everyone is. they are not confused. its only the adults who get this way *hugs*So mummy, "mom X", or "aunty K" doesn't matter - so much as how consistent you are, how you speak about,support, and respect each otherVisits - yes, you will definitely run into each other at family events. My hardest lesson was learning how to not hover.. but be close enough to intervene if necessaryVisitation in other situations is the tough one. You want to be accommodating, but you don't want to be babysitters for your niece. its important to sit down with your wife and spell out exactly how you'd like these visits to go. Do you want advanced notice? How much? Who should be present (as in can they bring guests? if so, do you want to meet them first?) Do you have the option of supervising these visits? Or can he pick up the kid and leave? Where would the visits take place? Who pays the costs associate with visits? Are phone calls permitted? Video chat? texts (in time)?If Think about how you envision your relationship in 10 years time. Its easy to be open ended in the beginning, but that sets a precedent that might not work long term. What ever you decide, put it in writing - with consequences if your wishes arent respected. In heat of the moment, verbal is too easy to misinterpret. 5 years from now, you all won't remember what was said.I have OA with both parents. If you don't live in a state that has legally enforced OA, you can do what you want visitation-wise. I chose to have strictly controlled visitation in J's BM (with whom i'm not related) because it was important to me DD.. and because, in speaking with adult adoptees, growing up knowing where genes came from.. well, that is important to many of them. In our case, the one not related to me has done a better job stepping up. But you never know. congratulations! and best of luck to you