Adoption Books To Suggest

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August 6, 2001

Originally Posted By Brenda Romanchik

BTW, Skye, any chance you can make it to The Lifegiver's Festival?

I get requests all the time for books and other materials that I recommend. One of the joys, and sometimes the difficulties, of my job is that I get a chance to review, read and occasionally publish adoption literature and materials. I have also, in my relentless search of resources come across books that I think are tailor made for open adoption. Here are my best picks.

For everyone's bookshelf

Difficult Conversations: How to discuss what matters most. by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen of the Harvard Negotiation Project (Viking, 1999)

While this book is not specific to adoption, it is one of the best books on communication I have ever read. This book will change the way you talk and, most importantly, listen to each other.

Getting Together: Building relationships as we negotiate. by Roger Fisher and Scott Brown of the Harvard Negotiation Project (Penguin, 1988)

This book seems like it was tailor made for open adoptions. Gives those in open adoptions a framework for establishing complicated relationships.

May The Circle Be Unbroken by Lynn Franklin (Harmony Books, 1998)

Openness in Adoption: Exploring Family Connections by Harold D. Grotevant and Ruth G. McRoy (Sage Publishing, 1998) Based on an on-going longitudinal study on openness in adoption.

Painful Lessons, Loving Bonds: The Heart of Open Adoption by Marcy Wineman Axness Topics include: The "secret ingredient" for healthy intimacy between parents and child. The dangers of the wrong kind of open adoption. How we should respond when birth parents "reclaim" children. What adoptive parents must do for themselves, for the

sake of their children. How every adoption can be open, in the most loving way.

Put your Heart on Paper: Staying connected in a loose-ends world. by Henriette Anne Klauser (Bantam, 1995)

The best book I have ever seen for creative communication and written traditions. This is another book that will touch all areas of your life.

Sacred Connections by Mary Ann Koenig with photographs by Nikki Berg (Running Press, 2001) Beautifully presented and thoughtfully written, this book explores the many different connections that exist in adoption in the stories of the people who have lived them.

The Adoption Life Cycle: The Children and their families through the years. By Elinor B. Rosenberg (Free Press, 1992) Includes information on the adoption experience for all triad members.

The Ethics of American Adoption by L. Anne Babb (Bergin and Garvey) This book is a must read for anyone involved in adoption. This is a book that asks hard questions, and gives good answers. It is also filled with useful facts and research.

The Family of Adoption by Dr. Joyce Maguire Pavao (Beacon Press) Pioneering family and adoption therapist Dr. Joyce Maguire Pavao is the first to demonstrate that there are predictable and understandable developmental stages and challenges for adopted people. Through stories of work with children and families, she shows us that adoptive parents, as well as teachers, therapists, and all who work with children must come to understand these developmental stages as normal-challenging, but normal. The Family of Adoption is a timely and powerful argument for the right kind of "openness" within adoptive families.

The Open Adoption Experience by Lois Melina and Sharon Kaplan-Roszia. (HarperPerennial, 1993) A complete guide for both birthfamilies and adoptive families. Covers topics from "readiness for open adoption" to growing up in an open adoption. Co-written by two leaders in the field of adoption, this book is not only must reading for those considering open adoption, but also a handy reference book as the child grows.

The Spirit of Open Adoption by Jim Gritter (CWLA, 1997)

An in depth look at open adoption. Jim Gritter encourages a value-based model, one that is child-centered. He also discusses rarely touched upon issues such as shame and fear.

What is Open Adoption? By Brenda Romanchik (R-Squared Press, 1999)

This Pocket Guide defines the differences between openness in adoption and open adoption, as well as the benefits of open adoption and how to fully embrace the relationships open adoption creates. As an added bonus, Jim Gritter, the author of The Spirit of Open Adoption, has added two remarkable written pieces. This book is perfect for understanding and explaining the richness of the open adoption experience. Especially good for giving to family members and friends.

For and about Birthparents

A Birthparent's Book of Memories by Brenda Romanchik (R-Squared Press) A fill-in-the-blank journal for a birthparent to give the child placed for adoption. This attractive, fill-in-the-blanks book will make it easier for birthparents to tell their children about their family. It's designed to give the child a better understanding of who his or her birthparent is as well as a sense of his or her birthfamily's history.

There are sections for explaining the birthfamily's history, the pregnancy, the adoption process, the birth, and more.... Of course, there is plenty of room for pictures. Nearly every section has spots for favorite photos. This hardcover book will last a lifetime and will be a keepsake your child will treasure forever. Suitable for birthmothers or birthfathers. Originally printed as A Birthmother's Book of Memories.

Birthmothers by Merry Block Jones (Chicago Review, 1993)

Birthparent Grief by Brenda Romanchik (R-Squared Press, 1999)

Placing a child for adoption is a huge loss that few understand. Ms. Romanchik, a birthmother, takes the mystery out of the experience by helping birthparents define the loss and understand the grieving process. Not only for birthparents, this is a great book for anyone who wants to help a birthparent through a very difficult time.

Being a Birthparent: Finding our place. By Brenda Romanchik (R-Squared Press, 1999)

Open adoption has taken birthparents out of the closet and into the normal, everyday lives of adoptive families. What does it mean to be a birthparent in an open adoption? How has this experience changed us and how does it effect the other parts of our lives? These are just some of the questions answered in this enlightening guide.

Out of the Shadows: Birthfathers Tell Their Stories by Mary Martin Mason

The only book out there for birthfathers, this book profiles a number of birthfathers in many different kinds of adoptions. Helps birthfathers feel they are not alone, and the rest of us understand them a bit better.

Pregnant? Adoption is an Option? by Jeanne Lindsay (Morning Glory Press, 1997)

Really good at exploring the emotional issues in choosing to place a child for adoption. The only book for perspective birthparents I recommend. (Besides my own, of course)

Your Rights and Responsibilities: For expectant parents exploring adoption. By Brenda Romanchik (R-Squared Press, 1999)

This guide book helps expectant parents considering adoption understand the "system" by exploring their legal and ethical rights and responsibilities. Includes sections on adoption law and policy, things to know about the hospital stay, foster care and much more......

For and about Adoptive Parents

A letter to Adoptive Parents on Open Adoption. by Randolph Severson (House of Tomorrow Productions, Dallas, TX, 1991) - Available through Heart Word Center, Dallas, TX) This 28 page booklet is a perfect introduction to adoptive parents on openness in adoption.

Adoption Without Fear, Ed. by Jim Gritter (Corona Publishing Co. 1037 S. Alamo, San Antonio, TX 78210, 1989) Seventeen adoptive couples describe their experiences with open adoption. Must reading for anyone touched by adoption, it is particularly helpful for prospective adoptive couples just beginning the process.

Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wished Their Adoptive Parents Knew by Sherrie Eldridge (Dell Trade Paperback, 1999)

For and about Adoptees

Children of Open Adoption by Kathleen Silber and Patricia Martinez Dorner (Corona Publishing, 1990 ) The sequel to Dear Birthmother this book examines the effects of open adoption on the adopted child at every stage of development.

Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search For Self by David Brodzinsky, Marshall Schechter, Robin Henig

Children's Books

Beginnings: How Families Come to Be by Virginia Kroll Explores a variety of situations from building families by birth to open adoption situations.

Did My First Mother Love Me? (Morning Glory Press) by Kathryn Ann Miller

Lucy's Feet by Stephanie Stein (Perspectives Press, 1992)

Pugnose Has Two Special Families by Karis Kruzel (R-Squared Press) This 16-page, full-color children's book tells the story of Pugnose, an adopted mouse. This story will help you and your children explore their feelings about open adoption.

Other Adoption Books

Adoption: Philosophy and Experience by Randolph Severson(House of Tomorrow Productions, Dallas, TX, 1991 - Avaliable through Heart Word Center, Dallas, TX) In this book the author explores a wide variety of adoption experiences, including open adoption. These essays inspire and teach by helping us look at adoption in a new way.

How To Open An Adoption: A guide for parents and birthparents of minors by Patricia Martinez Dorner (R-Squared Press) A complete guide for parents, birthparents and professionals on who to open up closed and semi-open adoptions. Full of practical information and resources.

My Child is a Mother by Mary Stevenson (Corona Publishing) Written by a birthgrandmother, this book gives a personal account of open adoption from the birthfamily's perspective.

The Adoption Triangle by Annette Baran And Reuben Pannor - The Book that pioneered it all!!

Fiction

The Wanderer by Sharon Creech

Newsletters and Magazines

Adoptive Families - A full color magazine that covers all aspects of adoption. Articles written primarily to an adoptive parent audience, but has some articles of interest to birthparents.

PACT Press - Quarterly newsletter that covers all aspects of inter-racial adoption including open adoptions. Has articles of interest to all triad members. Contact: PACT Press, 3315 Sacramento, San Fransisco, CA 94118. 415/221-6957.

Book Catalogs

Adopted Child Library - Newsletter, books and tapes by Lois Melina. Contact: P.O.Box 9362, Moscow, ID 83843. 208/882-1794.

Heart Words Center - Books and tapes by Randy Severson. Contact: 4054 McKinney Ave., Suite 302, Dallas, TX 75204. 214/521-4560.

R-Squared Press - Open Adoption Birthparent newsletter, Family Tree and books. Contact: 721 Hawthorne, Royal Oak, MI 48067. 248-543-0997.

Tapestry - Full line of adoption books. Contact: P.O.Box 359, Ringoes, NJ 08551-0359. 800/765-2367.

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