Reluctant spouse- arguments pro adoption

I'm sorry that this is coming months from when you posted. It seems the forums aren't nearly as active as they once were. My dh and I adopted at age 23yrs. We continued so that in total, we have adopted six infants....our last baby being when we were 52yrs old. I've always said it's important for both people within a couple to welcome adoption....with no reservations. What would bother me most is the comment you expressed that your husband doesn't want to risk his family for 'a stranger'. A baby isn't a stranger. IF you were considering an older child to adopt----I would vote against it...simply because an older child often DOES present challenges the entire family must be involved with---whether they want to or not. Many times (and we have been through this more than once), the adoption of an older child is extremely difficult and can create unsolvable problems for all. But, if you're wanting to adopt a baby.....I guess I would be asking your husband for more explanation on this. He feels he's too old.....I'd be asking, 'How?" What kinds of freedom is he expecting as he ages? And sadly, if he's totally unwilling to adopt-----I suspect it's best for you NOT to do so. An unwilling parent is one of the worst scenarios a child can be in. If this is something that can't be resolved between the two of you....would he be willing to foster babies for short times? In this way, it might help you fill the need you have for wanting more children...yet not be a permanent thing, KWIM? I'd be the first to say that adopting as an older person can have its challenges.......Our youngest baby turned out to have significant chromosomal issues.....something no one was able to be aware of. I personally have developed moderate/severe arthritis and so, the special needs of this child make it more difficult that anyone would have imagined. We love this child deeply......but the agility to move as easily for me..... is something no one ever planned on. And yes, I know this can happen with a bio child or with a younger parent too.......but just making the point. Still, if both of you became committed to adopting an infant.....there are extreme joys as well...for everyone involved. I'm not saying you should give this dream up; but it definitely takes two.....and without this, it might not be 'right' to continue in the adoption process......Most Sincerely,Linny

I am sorry that this is coming from your husband but it seems like he is thinking rationally. First of all, he might be thinking that you are both old to support the child and if he is a toddler, by the time he or she will be grown up, both of you are old enough to be grandparents. The clock is ticking. He is also contented by the current child you already have. It is not about the love that both of you can give but rather, the contentment you already have with your current one.