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I'm not for sure where to start or if this is the right forum. I'm sorry if it's not I could really just use some support and guidance. A little background on my situation... I own a child development center and my assistant has been with me for 2 years. She is in her 50's and has custody/guardianship of her 3 grandchildren. She has one daughter (these are the daughters children). It was decided when the youngest child was a month old that the the grandmother would keep custody of all 3 children (decision of the mother) because of drug use and just not being able to stay stable. In my opinion this was a very good decision on her behalf. Well she has became pregnant again. She has the father narrowed down to 2 gentlemen (a father or his son). Neither of the men want anything to do with the baby and both are saying it is not their baby. The mother is due on August 18th, however she went into pre-term labor on July 10th. She was admitted to the hospital and they got her labor to stop and put her on strict bed rest. After this event she confessed to her mother that she didn't think that she could keep or care for the baby. Her mother told her that she was at a point in her life that she would not be able to keep or care for the baby either. This is where I come in. My husband and I have been asked if the mother does decide to put her baby up for adoption if we would consider adopting the baby. My husband and I have 2 boys of our own and have went through the adoption beginning stages once before (it fell through and the mother kept the baby). After speaking with my husband we agreed that we would love to adopt or foster to adopt the baby. We are now waiting for the mother to make her decision. This is the hard part... she is due in 5 weeks however she thinks that she will go sooner but she is undecided still. I respect her, her privacy, her time, and her decision. We have told her that we are here to support her no matter what decision she makes. In the mean time we are just anxiously waiting. Wondering if I should start buying baby stuff (I got rid of everything as I cannot get pregnant again), setting up a nursery, speaking with an attorney and family services, speaking with our son's and family... I don't have anyone to speak with other than the mother's mother (my assistant). And I don't want her to feel pressured in anyway. I don't know just wanting to speak to someone... has anyone been in a situation like this? I know I posted in "Adopting African American Children" I did this as the mother is African American and we are a White family. I am wondering if this is why she is having reservations or if it is just because she is unsure , or a combination. IF I should post elsewhere just let me know. Again I just don't know where to start...
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I hope I can provide a little insight for you. I am a birth parent, so I have a lot of empathy for how this expectant mother is feeling. She is likely confused because she loves her baby, but wants the best for the child and that might not be her. I can't tell you for sure what she will do, but her history says she will likely relinquish her parental rights.What I like to tell hopeful adoptive parents is that you don't need anything other than a car seat. The rest of it can come after the baby is born, especially if you haven't received a hard and fast "yes" from her. Keep whatever you already have, but I personally would wait to buy more until you're sure you're taking baby home.I am happy to try and help with any more questions you might have.
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Thank you for your insight. I guess I'm just so much of a planner that not knowing and being organized is hard. When she does decide does she tell a family service worker? When do I get a lawyer? She went to the hospital today as she thought she was leaking amniotic fluid. She was not kept and is being sent home. It's just a waiting period at this point.
I hope I can provide a little insight for you. I am a birth parent, so I have a lot of empathy for how this expectant mother is feeling. She is likely confused because she loves her baby, but wants the best for the child and that might not be her. I can't tell you for sure what she will do, but her history says she will likely relinquish her parental rights.What I like to tell hopeful adoptive parents is that you don't need anything other than a car seat. The rest of it can come after the baby is born, especially if you haven't received a hard and fast "yes" from her. Keep whatever you already have, but I personally would wait to buy more until you're sure you're taking baby home.I am happy to try and help with any more questions you might have.
If she has a caseworker and decides she does want to relinquish she will tell them, if not she can tell you directly if she has your information. As far as a lawyer goes I am not entirely positive, but you will need to have a professional furnish her with an official termination of parental rights.