Do you think it's okay for hopeful adoptive parents to be selective when it comes to who they will adopt (only wanting a girl, no special needs, etc)? Biological parents don't choose whether they have a child with a disability, or gender, so I don't know whether it's ethical for hopeful adoptive parents to be selective.
I think that some of that depends on the situation. If you are adopting a baby from an expectant mother, I think in that situation it should be just as much a luck of the draw as a natural parenting situation where one is a biological parent (yes I know it is now possible to have procedures done to create the gender you wish to have, though I’m not sure that is a good thing). And if the adoptive parents back out because of the child having disabilities or health problems when born, then I think the biological parent should count it that they would not have been good enough for her child. Some may feel they can’t afford the extra medical care or there may be situations where a baby is not expected to make it, and if they are aware of this and feel like they can’t handle the pain of losing a child, they might choose not to avoid this pain (especially if they have been through miscarriages or other child losses before), but what happens to the child? Does he or she not deserve love and care and parents who will love them for however long they are there? It is an ethical dilema because if they can afford to adopt but can not afford the added expenses of a special needs child, would a birth mother prefer to place her child with a family with more resources to provide for that child or would she just feel betrayed? I think I would feel a bit betrayed even as I would want my child to have the best care possible.
Now when it comes to adopting from foster care, I think determining a family make up that would be conducive to welcoming a child or children into the family may necessitate specific criteria to work with the child’s needs and providing adequate support to give stability, though ideally if one has bedroom space for either gender, that is preferable.
