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Hello, this is my first time posting so please be kind. We need help. We adopted a teenage boy from Colombia a little over a year ago. He is now 16. We have two biological kids that are younger than him. It has been a very difficult year for us and it is progressively getting worse. His therapist has stated that he is not attached to our family, and doesn't believe he will be anytime soon if ever. That is something we could probably deal with, but unfortunately along with the attachment issues there is also disobedience, and a porn and gaming addiction. At the moment he does not believe he has a problem so it makes therapy not successful. It has gotten to the point where his behavior has become harmful to our biological children. I truly believe that he needs to be in a family with much older siblings (older than him) or an only child. He is not kind to younger children. We have tried the connected parenting approach with him, and lowering our standards. But he really does not talk to us nor does he want to.
It's not like he is just a rebellious teen. He truly doesn't want to be in our family or follow simple rules that keep him and us safe. We believe it is time for us to find a different family for him because I don't know how else to parent him, and it seems like the kindest thing to do for him and us. We don't want to relinquish him to the state, but don't know what other options we have. It is just a very hard and sad situation and I could really use some advice. Like I said, please be kind, this is not an easy decision. Also, I apologize for the length of this post.
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